How can I override my mother's power of attorney?


My mother put my father in a private home assisted living situation that has changed him from a man who constantly smiled, joked around and sang songs throughout the day to a man who now lies in a bed staring at the ceiling who breathes through his mouth that is always gaping open. They don't put his dentures in because they are loose and has formed bedsores in just over a week. He seems sedated and tries to talk but can't form words anymore. He doesn't get any physical excercise (which was getting increasingly difficult at home with us, which is why my elderly mother couldn't take care of him). I am on disability and couldn't help her much at home any more and all of the Assisted Living facilities were full so private home care was our only option. The change in him is so drastic that I'm afraid my father (who it seemed had years left to live with us happily) is going to be dead soon. I can't afford to support him elsewhere on my disability income and the people caring for him are suggesting he go to a hospice. My father's dementia has not progressed to the point where he isn't sure what is going on around him yet and he still has memories from childhood, his career (including the years he worked) and from childhood. Please help me save my father. My mother has turned a blind eye to this situation (as well as my oldest brother who lives with us only because of my father's health) and she absolutely won't consider in-home health care. Neither Medicare nor GEHA offer my father financial help and I have no other relatives to help me. Please, what can I do to save this beautiful, previously happy generous man?

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urbankittin, Are you sure he is not already on Hospice? It sounds like he is terminal, very late stage Alzheimer's now.
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Your description sounds like your mother made a very understandable choice. 1. She could no longer take care of him. 2. You are disabled yourself and can't take care of him in her absence. What do you know about where his doctor said he should be. Your mother's turning a blind eye might be that she's burnt out from taking care of him and understandably needs a break.

Yet, this private home assisted living situation sounds inadequate at best and liable for poor care at worse. Why do they have him sedated? What doctor ordered that to be done? Have you talked with whoever this doctor is about your dad's care? How is this being paid for? Does he have any money to pay for care at home? Why is your mom not open to the idea of paid people taking care of him at home? Is she that private a person or is he so much that day time help plus her being there at night would not be enough care that he needs at this point?
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You could contact APS based on the bedsores; 1 week is a short time for them to begin developing, so he must not be turned or getting any preventive support at all to prevent them.

You could file for conservatorship or guardianship, or both, but you'd have to pay an attorney to handle it, and it wouldn't be cheap. And given that you and your mother disagree, the result might be that a professional would be appointed and neither you or your mother would have control.

Does your mother also hold the medical power of attorney, allowing her to make medical decisions on your father's behalf? If so, and based on the bedsores and what could very well be medication induced catatonic state, there may be abuse of discretion for not intervening to ensure that he gets proper care.

I'm not sure what GEHA is but wonder if your mother applied for Medicaid?

Have you discussed this with your mother, to see if there are any other options she'll consider?

I feel badly for you and don't have any really good suggestions, but I hope others will be able to help you more than I could.
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