If yes should a visit tu o her home be good or bad. She has just been at Extended Care for a couple of days and cries everyone we leave..but we are all won out and the facility isn't bad log of activities and staff seems attentive.

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Help123456, if you are trying to take her on outings by yourself, be careful. It takes a lot of strength to put a wheelchair in and out of the car. Then there is the maneuvering in and out with no help. I've had to do it, but I would not attempt it again. The staff are trained to handle these things. I don't want to her hurt her or myself in trying.

My situation is different from yours, but even before my loved one's dementia advanced to the point it is now, I only took her to doctor appointments when there was no other transportation available. I would go to visit and we would visit in the tv room, activity room, or got out on the gazebo or patio. I would take photo albums, cards, gifts, etc. I took the party to her, so to speak.

Perhaps after your loved one gets settled in, outings might be easier to handle.
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Thanks for the answers. They were so helpful and timely.I am so appreciative of the advise I just feel bad not bring able to do it all myself..advise given made so much sense really helps.
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Oh, I forgot to add that what I did do that worked well was sit outside on the grounds of the facility with my loved one. I would take a picnic and enjoy a nice day outside. That works particularly well if she has mobility problems and trouble getting in and out of the car.

Some people will take their loved ones out to dinner. That might work well, but not if she cries every time you have to return her to the facility.
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I was hesitant to take my loved one away from her assisted living facility. I was afraid she would refuse to get back in the car and return and I was afraid after reading the bad results on this site that others had experienced. I think I made the right decision. Once, I had to transport her myself to a doctor appt, and when we returned to the facility, she had forgotten she stayed there. She was scared and it was challenging to convince her that her she had a room there and her friends were inside. I don't know if your mom has memory problems, but if so, keep that in mind. Returning to her previous home is usually not a good idea as it will upset her over again.

IMO, the longer she stays and gets accustomed, the less she will ask to go elsewhere. After awhile, my loved one is insistent that she be returned to her facility. It's home to her now.
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It is too soon, in my opinion, to take Mom out of the facility. That may come after she settles in. But it might be a good idea to attend some of the facility's activities with her. Get her used to finding entertainment right there. Bring some of her personal things from home to the room, if you haven't already. Pictures, plants, doilies, anything that is distinctively hers and will fit in her room.

You are worn out. I can understand that! How many of you are involved? How close are you to facility? How easy/difficult is it to visit? If you attend activities with her when you visit that serves the purpose of showing her she is not being abandoned and also relieves you of the need to come up with conversations or to do much. My sisters and I have attended more bingo sessions than we care to acknowledge, seen movies, done crafts, and sat through live entertainment (which was often pretty good!) Now that Mom is thoroughly settled in, I try to time my visits so they are not during an activity. She goes to those on her own now. I want to have some personal time with her.

There are probably exceptions, but I think visiting her old home is generally a bad idea. And certainly not this soon.

Opinions vary about whether/how often family should even visit during the first few weeks, until the person has had a chance to settle in on their own. My personal opinion is that going into a new setting where everything is unfamiliar and all of the people are strangers is overwhelming enough without also worrying about whether your family has abandoned you and if you will ever see them again. We visited our mom every day, and I even arranged to spend some nights with her, when she was having trouble sleeping. Now (a year later) she is content. She likes to see us, but she isn't anxious when we leave. I just think that during the first few months, when you visit try to go with the flow of the center -- don't try to take her off the premises and don't spend all the time alone with her in her room. Help her get used to the activities there.

It must be very hard to see your mother cry when you leave. But if she is in the place she needs to be, you may have to accept that for a while.

Best wishes to you in this place on a difficult journey.
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