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My mom (92) lives in ALF. In the past couple of years she has had numerous falls. She uses a walker, gets around okay but hunched over, has a pacemaker. Getting in and out of vehicles is really hard for her. I decided awhile back that I don’t want to take her places and she’s safer having the ALF staff transport her. I visit regularly, participate in facility social activities, run errands for her, meet her at doctor appointments. She STILL wants me to take her out and about. I’ve told her if she falls on my watch it’s an immediate 911 call.
I’m not looking for advice (my NO has become much easier over the years) but has anyone else been in this situation?

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I had my heart in my mouth transporting my parents anywhere that last year before the NH. Their mobility was very limited and my mother was a fall risk and my father could not get up from a seated position easily so getting 200 pound man out of a Honda Fit was no easy task.

If you feel you feel it is too dangerous, then it is.

I think a drive and a lunch in your care at the park is a perfect activity at this point.
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ALS usually afford recreational opportunities, some off site…is this a possibility?
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DD1963 May 6, 2025
Yes, and her facility offers a very good variety.
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Does she also have trouble getting up from a table in a restaurant ?
When that happened we stopped taking in law out . My husband and I drew the line at lifting them out of a dining chair . At this time it was also getting difficult for in law to get out of the car . We brought carry out food to them .
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DD1963 May 5, 2025
Yes, she has trouble lifting herself up in general. And holding on to items like cups and drinking glasses. The last time I got her into my car she struggled mightily (but that tended to happen regularly by then) and let out a very loud WHOOP when she got in.

Generally speaking, numerous falls are what got her to where she is now.
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DD, I also wanted to say , I stopped worrying so much, getting mom out, if it is what makes her happy, I do the best I can to keep her safe, but I honestly don't fret over it anymore.

Moms 89 she should be able to do the stuff she likes to do , with in reason, and if she isn't running me ragged.
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Is there a way you can take her out as in a car ride in which you stay in the car? You could do a driveup coffee shop for instance, and a gentle drive around a park?
I sure understand if the answer now is "no".
Does her ALF offer rides for those wishing to go on rides? My brother's did. He was in Palm Springs and they regularly would take rides to an oasis, or to homes of the "Stars".

You are sure correct that at some point the risk of an injury far outweighs any real benefit.
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DD1963 May 5, 2025
We actually went to a local drive through recently, got lunch and went to the park. We ate in the car, talked about old movies. It was lovely. It’s just been a very long couple years and I’m worn out all the way around. Thank you for your thoughts.
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DD, hi, my name isn't driving Daisy for no reason. 😂, so yes I go through this , mom is still able to get around and I still get her out, but it does get more and more difficult all the time. I usually take her to stores where I can park really close , I get out get a cart help her out and let her shop at Dollar general, and Kohl's or rite aid.

It is very frustrating, when she wants to stop at are local convenant store, because there is always a lot of , hard working, hungry men needing food, and she shuffles around. This drives me absolutely bonkers. I found one convenant store that has small carts and is a bit roomier.

I honestly believe get her out like this is what keeps her going, but I do feel your pain!

She gets annoyed with me in the winter, when I say it's too ice, and too dangerous, there are a few other places I will not bring her anymore. Local florest, ground is way to uneven .

I completely feel your pain. As for getting her in and out of the car, we got that pretty figured out, can't park near another car because the door has to be wide open and the seat has to be in a certain position.

Your not alone, if it doesn't feel safe to you then you have every right to say no. 🥰
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