I have two siblings who both live out of state. My brother still lives in our home town in PA. My sister is in Texas. My mom and I are in Florida.
I've mentioned here that I was starting to resent my siblings because neither of them have offered me any support since my mom moved here last Oct. Prior to last week I had only heard from them 3 times total. Last week I had a very emotional conversation with both of them and couldn't even hold back my tears when saying how hurt I was that they have not bothered to see how I've been doing going through all of this with our mom. Since then my sister has stepped up considerably and was also very supportive on the call. My brother on the other hand had a defensive reaction and I didn't hear from him again, until yesterday.
My mom called him for some help with her online banking which she has connected to Quicken, a tool she has used for many years. She kept locking herself out because she couldn't remember her passwords. I tried to fix it and in fact did fix it but she screwed it up again. So she decided to call my brother because he works in the computer field and can log onto her computer remotely. He spent a few hours on her computer and on the phone with her trying to fix the issue, but my mom wasn't understanding him and still kept messing it up, so it never did get fixed and now she is waiting for a new pin number from the bank to arrive in the mail. My brother got so frustrated with her he told her- Somebody needs to start paying your bills! - To which my mom replied- That's never going to happen!
So my brother calls me and was in a rage! He went on and on about how much time it took him and he lost work hours and she couldn't understand anything. In an attempt to calm him down I told him that next Tues we would be seeing a doctor who would be going over my mom's neuro-psych eval (which wasn't good) and the doctor was going to tell my mom a DPOA is needed. My brother asks- With who? And I said -- me. And he said - I'll do it. I replied - I have to do it, she lives here now, it's the practical thing to do because I will have to pay for her things here.
He went off! Screaming at me not to call him again and complain that I do everything.... it was bizarre. I told him I did not complain to him that I did everything, I was hurt by lack of personal support. He continued to rage anyway- saying he was never "consulted" when she moved here. I had to hang up due to his screaming and then he called back.
The conversation then turned to my mom's cabin that is about an hour from where he lives in PA. My mom has plans to go there the end of May. He resents that he will have to check on her frequently although she also has a best friend who lives close to her cottage.
I told him, this will be her last trip. All you have to do is help her sell the cottage (there is already a person who wants to buy it) and her car up there, and to pack up her personal things, and then she will be back here in FL for the rest of her life. I said she probably won't be up there more than a month or two at the most.
That wasn't good enough. He continued to rage and was barely making sense. Saying things like she should have moved next door to him, and he had no part in "the decision". I told him it was SOLELY my mom's decision to move here, and I went along with what SHE WANTED.
He then started making bizarre comments about how he lives paycheck to paycheck and doesn't have the money we do (meaning me and my sister) so he can't "move to Florida"... I couldn't take the yelling anymore so I hung up again.
All of my brother's problems are the result of his poor choices. He's been in prison, jail several times, multiple failed marriages.
I have this creepy feeling that he wants to control my mother's money for his own benefit. I also think he is angry her assets and money may have to go for advanced care and he won't get any inheritance. I'm now worried he will trick her into giving him DPOA in May.