Anyone have circumstance where out of the picture siblings show up when time to collect inheritance?

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It appears as if the siblings that do not help with caregiving are out of the picture, but I would presume they come back into the picture when it is time to collect the inheritance, when the parents are no longer alive. Does anyone have any experience whether this usually turns into a nightmare or goes smoothly? For example, if the parents are leaving more money to the caregiver sibling that did all of the caregiving, do the other sibling(s) object? I'm sure some object, and some don't, but does anyone have any predictions/stories about what can happen when the absent sibling(s) come back, when it is time to collect the inheritance?

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Oh, yeah, and I forgot to mention one last detail!

He IS inheriting those two craftmatic beds, however. They are his, free and clear, and stated expressly in her will.

He might want to buy new mattresses, however...especially for the one she';s kept in her room since my step-dad died in 2002. LOL...she's had a few accidents, if you know what I mean.

:D
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I know what you are saying, LilDebb...my mom desiring that I have the house to live in after she departs was never something I would have even asked her to do for me. I came here expecting nothing but the chance to do for her what I felt she deserved, after nursing two husbands gently to their own departures and raising me the best she could. I love her and just wanted her last years to be happy and comfortable as much as possible. We never had anything growing up because my dad was disabled at a young age due to an arsenic poisoning that he survived after WWII but which destroyed his circulatory system. I knew there was no money to be inherited and that it would be a struggle. I worked at first but later on, that was impossible, and we have struggled to make it on $1200 a month and whatever I can earn by designing and cutting vinyl decals. Which isn't much but it helps and I enjoy it.
I never thought my mom would change her mind about dividing the house up 5 ways and although I knew that would pretty much screw me the most, I didn't mind, really. That was just the way it was.

So when she decided to change things, I was so grateful. Simply to know she's thinking about me, still...because I thought of her. But her son is going to see it as a direct insult to his own sense of entitlement and somehow, I have to admit, that gives me some sort of grim satisfaction to know that he is going to possibly be quite mad. My mom had wanted to change her final disposition but had hesitated to for several years before she actually did, I found out when she did the changes, because of fearing his reaction. He was always the 'let me see your will' type of person and he somewhat domineered her decisions in that area, in a sense, trying in invoke his deceased father's authority for his own ends. When she expressed those worries to me, I told her, don't worry, mom, by the time it becomes an issue...you'll be out of reach and I don't have a problem at all dealing with his anger or whatever else might happen on my own. I am bold and she is timid and he is not my son. Easy as that. When I realized his motives for disliking me many years before, it had set me free...I don't care if he thinks that I moved in here to steal his (paltry) inheritance or take the house 'his father died for' (his words, not mine)....I won't feel the need to justify anything by pointing out that his own father did not live 3 years in this house, it was paid for by life insurance, not blood sacrifice, and that my own dad had paid for the house over again at least halfway by taking out a second mortgage AND paying it off in full before he died in 1992, and that finally....I had spend ALL my childhood and teen years in this house and have put both time and money into its upkeep and improvement over the last 10 whereas he has put about 40 hours of work into it and maybe $500. If he wanted to get technical and materialistic, I've got him trumped. Just facts...but I doubt I'll even be interested in pointing out those facts to him if it comes up then...I'll just maybe suggest he think on it a bit or more likely, just smile sweetly and say nothing at all.

When he used to come visit my mom, he'd make her give up her bedroom and two craftmatic beds to sleep on the trundle bed in the sewing room with the springs and cheap thin mattress...so that he and his wife could sleep on her beds! When I moved in, I put a stop that THAT. I convinced her that what he was doing was disrespectful and inconsiderate and that she must be concerned over her own health...his visits paid a toll on her from excitement and activity, and she needed to rest well during his visits even more than usual...let him sleep on the double bed that was in my old room. And so she did. And he then started staying at the oldest sister's house. Never stayed here again. Slowed down his visits, fewer and farther between. Last time he came for 2 hours and stayed in a local hotel. Yes I said Hotel not Motel.

And he still asked to see her will. She just kept on talking like he'd never said a word.

;-D
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks, maybe. If she's a sweet old dog like my mama.
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Sorry one more, I guess..I just don't understand why anyone would be upset if they were to receive a gift from an Estate, Will or where ever! I see this as a gift.... Just because my Mom and Dad earned, made the money bought the items....I do not feel as if I am entitled to any of it!! I was shown the will after my brother stole it and I fought my Dad tooth and nail, because its not my business!! Dad made me look, since my brother had looked.
The gift my father gives me is much appreciated but is in NO WAY EXPECTED! I didn't make it.
I wish dads attorney would set the POA straight and let him know when he is over stepping his bounds. I just want to be with my dad.
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Capnhardass...... I wish that was true. I talked with dads atty about having a service just for my family. I was told to talk to dad and get back with her. I had to talk to dad about his own funeral and having a service just for my family. HARD, YA THINK? This POA has gone way too far, too many times and she says NOTHING! Police report from when I was attacked from my brother was listed as a dispute? I get beat...and it's a dispute?
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Well Ms. Whitney, let me just tell you the other side of the story!!! I am a sibling, that would go to the ends of the earth for my father!! I WOULD LOVE TO BE MY FATHERS CAREGIVER, AS I HAVE BEEN BEFORE.. BUT BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS A THIEF AND STOLE MY FATHERS WILL, FOUND OUT HIS NET WORTH. I HAVE BEEN ASSULTED BY MY BROTHER, MY LIFE HAS BEEN THREATENED, I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY THE POA I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE DAD.. I WAS LOCKED OUT OF DADS HOUSE, EVEN THOUGH I HAD PERMISSION. SO you can pass judgement that because when siblings do not help with taking care of their parents, they are just in it for the money... but that is just WRONG! I have called the Police back home and the POA has been there and talked to the Chief!! I am an Army wife, my hubby is a LTC and while I go home to visit my dad, I do not go and visit Aunts and Uncles. I have proof that my brother wants to hurt me. My dad is worth over a million and the POA and my brother are working on whatever. I have done NOTHING! So presume and collect that! People are cruel and hurtful....and money will make them do many,many heartless things.
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My mom has a will and a living trust. The living trust keeps everything out of probate. He included in the will a provision stating, that if anyone contests the will, they will not receive any of it. Way cool! No worrying about anyone dragging us through that nightmare.
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In my state, New Mexico, and several others, I believe, there is what is called a 'Transfer of Deed Upon Death' which is a legal instrument that goes into effect ONLY when its executor (in this case my mom) dies, but nevertheless immediately. It is filed with the county clerk as soon as it is finalized so it isn't subject to change at all unless by the person who had it drafted in the first place (my mom). It names a beneficiary into whose name the house goes upon the owner's death...and while all encumbrances (liens, etc) attached to the house remain attached (in this case none as far as we know), it has an advantage over even a trust when it comes to transferring ownership of the deceased's property: it is not subject to probate! It cannot be contested, argued with, or changed...only by the person who drew it up and only while they are still alive (naturally)...and in the event that dementia sets in...it pretty much isn't going to change because there is no one who can legally do it who is competent.

Having said all that...I can only make a prediction on how the news of this change that my mom made, of her own free volition a few years ago when she was still sharp as a tack, will be received by her son from her first husband (I don't say brother because he doesn't say sister - the grudge isn't mine but that doesn't mean I have to call him something that he is not, and never will be, my brother). I ha already lived here 8 years or so knowing that when she did cross over, I'd do best to just pack up my stuff and get out of the way until I got my 1/5 portion of the sale of the house I've grown up in and then returned to as an adult...I was thinking I'd have to make sure I never ever went down this street again if someone else lived here but I didn't worry about it after that. I didn't move in here to gain or inherit...I just moved in so that my mom wouldn't be alone and wouldn't have to be away from home....EVER. I told her I'd stay with her until she no longer needed me. But it is a comfort knowing my mom thought of me beyond that and that I won't have to worry about where to live on top of everything else that I'll be dealing with when that day comes. And after living here for nearly 30 years in two stints...I'm rather fond of this house. It's the only home I've ever known, really.

Prediction:
I think he's going to be mad as a hatter. I'd lay odds he's finally going to let loose of all the anger, hurt, and resentment he's felt ever since his own dad died tragically when he wasn't even yet shaving. All those hard feelings have been directed at me ever since his mother and step dad adopted me...and lived on in this house that his father's life insurance paid off....this house is a symbol of all he's lost and I've been the symbol of the thief that robbed him...

And so then he's going to find out that the thief robbed his symbol, too.
Although I really didn't. My mom just didn't want me to be homeless and insecure after I have happily and voluntarily lived the last 10 years with her, waiting for the days now arrived wherein her care is nearly total and I am all alone, without an income, doing for her what I want to do.

Of course, I think it will only confirm what he's believed all along...that I quit my nursing career and independent (single) lifestyle in my early thirty's just so I could move in with her and mooch off of her and her inadequate SS income....

My mom's attorney is a smart man who knows the history of her family and so all we'll get is a show, I guess...and maybe, hopefully, I am all wrong in my prediction and he will express his approval of her decision and thank me for taking care of her and keeping his own conscience free of potential guilt down the road.

I DOUBT IT SERIOUSLY...but hey...I can believe in miracles!
I also like good shows....I have thick skin.
And I think the best thing he could receive upon her passing...as his inheritance...is the chance to blow all that crap out of his heart and mind and get clean inside to where he doesn't have resentment and anger about all this. It doesn't matter if he changes his mind about me...all that matters is that he gets it resolved before it gives him cancer or something.

I pray for him to let it go.

I will let you all know, too...hopefully I'll have my iPod ready to take video, too.
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Thanks for the helpful answers. I probably will consult an attorney, when the time comes.
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a good attorney will quell the argument quickly. he'll tell the whiny one to hire an atty and lets drag this on for a few years. thats usually the end of the bs. of course the primary caregiver is usually favored where assets are concerned. why wouldnt they be?
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Oh I DEFINITELY have had this happen. One of my brother-in-laws asked at the funeral "when is there going to be a reading of the will?" Yes - at the funeral! We foresaw early on that there would be problems so years before my mother-in-law started getting sick, we had taken her to an elder attorney and had a "living will" drawn up. A living will is better than a will because it doesn't have to go through probate. So all we had to tell him was the attorney would get a hold of you soon. Well, he wasn't patient enough and went to the attorney's office where he found out he had been excused of all his money previously borrowed from his father and was being left nothing. He wasn't a happy camper and told the attorney's office he never borrowed any money from his father, but we didn't have to deal with it. He's mentally unstable, and can contest the living will if he'd like, but he won't get anywhere. The other disgruntled brother-in-law came to the funeral and didn't talk to anyone and left - slamming the door. He's getting something but when he finds out he's not getting an equal amount - he will be mad - but the attorney will have to deal with him - not us. The first visit is usually free with an elder attorney so you may want to check into a "living will" too. Good luck!!
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