My 101-year-old mom has taken a dislike to putting things in the refrigerator. Lately she has not been wanting to eat meals with me, she just wants me to make something and leave it for her. Does anyone have ideas for dinner that won't kill her?!?
My mom loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you could also peanut butter on apples or celery. Pudding snack packs. At 101 calories are more important than nutritional value, so chips or whatever junk food she enjoys.
I would try a flat lunch box, add ice, whether you use actual ice, frozen water bottle or a chiller mat would be dependant upon her skills, add food and leave open or just lay the lid closed.
This might work if she hauls the food to her bedroom, maybe it can be presented as an easy carrying solution.
Your mother is 101 years old. When she was a child in the 1920s, refrigerators were rare in the majority of houses. People still survived things that we might object to now.
If you can’t stop your mother from eating lunch that Betty Crocker wouldn’t like, perhaps just let her do what she wants.
I skimmed your previous posts. You have essentially given up your own life to take care of your mother. You retired from your job early. You can't see your friends. Your mother has personality disorders. She contributes nothing to household expenses, so that she can leave a small inheritance to you and your sister.
She isn’t living independently. She’s dependent on you.
This isn’t merely a food problem. She is in danger living alone and needs to have 24/7 supervision and care. Medicines are important. Nutrition is important. So is food safety and home safety.
Please, for her sake and yours, don’t let this go on.
Hard boiled eggs keep OK at room temp for a while if their shells are on. If she's able to open cans and put the contents out on a plate when she's ready to eat, canned tuna, salmon, or sardines are very nutritious. There's also canned chicken. But these things shouldn't be left out once opened. The snack pack pudding cups don't need to be refrigerated. I would bet that some cooked vegetables can safely be left out for a while. How long are we talking here? Hours? More than a day?
I’ve seen pop top tuna packaged with crackers and mayo and relish packets for folks who need a spare meal in their desk.
Maybe a shelf stable milk box, banana, and pre-portioned cereal in a bowl?
My Dad would eat canned convenience foods like chili, ravioli, and tamales at room temperature, just pop open the top and grab a spoon. Note that these are usually high in sodium so they won’t work for someone with chronic heart failure who is trying to limit salt to control edema.
Tekvah Today I was making the first frittata I’ve ever made and I thought of your mom. I thought I bet your mom would like this. DH aunt would, although she wouldn’t eat quiche. 🤔
It was so tasty and can be eaten warm or at room temp. Also baked sweet potatoes are not bad room temp.
I would watch her weight and let her do as she wants. If she eats at least one healthy meal a day that would be a win. I read once that an egg a day would keep an elder from becoming feeble.
I used an insulated school lunch bag. It came with a freezer pack that when frozen slipped in a pocket to keep the food from getting too warm.
I also used a small thermos for soups, stews, mashed potatoes, Mac and cheese. I would make a grilled cheese sandwich and leave it wrapped in foil to go with the soup. She can eat the amount she wants and save the rest for later. sliced cheese, apple slices, little cutie oranges, bananas all are easy to manage.
But there does sometime reach a stage where if the food isn’t clearly visible it may not be eaten. I put aunts food by her chair so she didn’t have to try to carry it from the kitchen.
DH aunt likes room temp protein drinks. Also small bottles of water with the lids loosened make it easy to handle and give you an idea of how much she is drinking during the day.
I love your suggestions...but she won't use insulated bags or thermoses because they're "not like regular people eat." She refuses to let me leave anything in the crock pot, and she nearly burned down the house with a microwave fire, so that's out. She just wants to keep stuff in her room and eat it when she wants, like it's fine without refrigeration. I even put a mini fridge in her room and she won't use it. She insists she's 101 years old and has done this all her life (doubtful). One of many daily battles (no hearing aides, not natural. No cataract surgery, pill taking is a daily battle). So, I'm actually looking for foods that can be safely left out, but there aren't many options. Some fruits, some cheeses, but I can't make a meal out of those every day. I hope if I make it to 101 I won't do these kinds of things.
Thanks, all! She's just being stubborn. Wants to take her meals into her room and she leaves them there for hours until she is ready to eat it. I only found this out recently when I'd bought her some chicken nuggets and they were still there the next day. She said, "I'll eat them when I want to." Aieeee!!! She wants to be as independent as possible and one of the ways she digs at my having to help her is by doing stuff like this. Let's not even talk about medications.
"Stubbornness" is a character trait of dementia, not a personality quirk at her age. Dementia robs people of their reasoning and logic skills, therefore their ability to make good judgment disappears. The completely lose their ability to empathize with others, hency why many caregivers think their LOs are "narcasists"; they lose their sense of time and space; their ability to correctly register sensations like pain don't work properly; they lose their memory.
Your Mom has dementia and you seem to not see this. You are orbiting around her and you will eventually burn out trying to be her entertainment committee. Please watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to educate yourself on what's going on with your Mom and get a sense for what more may be in store for her caregiving needs. You are trying to appease her but she'll never be able to feel or express gratitude for your sacrifices. Therefore, you need to either accept the inevitable (burnout) or decide to change the situation regardless if your Mom "likes" it or not. If you burn out, where will that leave your Mom? I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey.
Grandma brings up a good point. Sometimes there is a sensitivity to cold foods. It could also be a preference. I worked with a woman who never refrigerated fruit. She preferred eating it at room temperature.
Is this just a problem with cold items? Will she drink cold water, Iced Tea? Will she eat ice cream, watermelon and other cold items. I am wondering if she has a problem with her mouth causing sensitivity.
All I can think of is making meals that don’t require any refrigeration. Perhaps a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, crackers and peanut butter and fresh fruit.
Wait, I just thought of something else. There are insulated platters that you can keep things cold for hours. There are also insulated bowls that you can keep food warm. They are sold on Amazon.
I would try a flat lunch box, add ice, whether you use actual ice, frozen water bottle or a chiller mat would be dependant upon her skills, add food and leave open or just lay the lid closed.
This might work if she hauls the food to her bedroom, maybe it can be presented as an easy carrying solution.
Best of luck.
If you can’t stop your mother from eating lunch that Betty Crocker wouldn’t like, perhaps just let her do what she wants.
I feel sad for you...
This isn’t merely a food problem. She is in danger living alone and needs to have 24/7 supervision and care. Medicines are important. Nutrition is important. So is food safety and home safety.
Please, for her sake and yours, don’t let this go on.
The mother is not independent and needs 24/7 supervision . I do hope she doesn’t get left home alone.
Maybe a shelf stable milk box, banana, and pre-portioned cereal in a bowl?
My Dad would eat canned convenience foods like chili, ravioli, and tamales at room temperature, just pop open the top and grab a spoon. Note that these are usually high in sodium so they won’t work for someone with chronic heart failure who is trying to limit salt to control edema.
Today I was making the first frittata I’ve ever made and I thought of your mom. I thought I bet your mom would like this. DH aunt would, although she wouldn’t eat quiche. 🤔
It was so tasty and can be eaten warm or at room temp. Also baked sweet potatoes are not bad room temp.
I would watch her weight and let her do as she wants. If she eats at least one healthy meal a day that would be a win. I read once that an egg a day would keep an elder from becoming feeble.
I also used a small thermos for soups, stews, mashed potatoes, Mac and cheese. I would make a grilled cheese sandwich and leave it wrapped in foil to go with the soup. She can eat the amount she wants and save the rest for later. sliced cheese, apple slices, little cutie oranges, bananas all are easy to manage.
But there does sometime reach a stage where if the food isn’t clearly visible it may not be eaten. I put aunts food by her chair so she didn’t have to try to carry it from the kitchen.
DH aunt likes room temp protein drinks. Also small bottles of water with the lids loosened make it easy to handle and give you an idea of how much she is drinking during the day.
Your Mom has dementia and you seem to not see this. You are orbiting around her and you will eventually burn out trying to be her entertainment committee. Please watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to educate yourself on what's going on with your Mom and get a sense for what more may be in store for her caregiving needs. You are trying to appease her but she'll never be able to feel or express gratitude for your sacrifices. Therefore, you need to either accept the inevitable (burnout) or decide to change the situation regardless if your Mom "likes" it or not. If you burn out, where will that leave your Mom? I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey.
Will she drink cold water, Iced Tea? Will she eat ice cream, watermelon and other cold items.
I am wondering if she has a problem with her mouth causing sensitivity.
Wait, I just thought of something else. There are insulated platters that you can keep things cold for hours. There are also insulated bowls that you can keep food warm. They are sold on Amazon.
Best wishes to you.