The folks have myriad health issues, including cognitive. They are refusing to consider Assisted Living, nor will they consider coming north. The brothers and I have been taking turns going down when needed, but they really need full-time care. Such a nightmare!

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Benmitch.... been there done that currently living in southwest Florida caring for my 91 yo mom. I relocated from up north too and been here full-time for four years. Did the part time travel gig for six month and cost me ten grand because I did not have POA and could recoup my lost because I could claim my mom as a dependent.  So, the most important thing you have to do when dealing with the aging care community of crazy 😜 Florida. 1. Get your Power of Attorney 2. Appointment two Health Care Surrogate. Make sure you have Copies of all finance and health insurance, home and car insurance et al.  Also, find out what is cover in Florida and if the bennifits can be used in another state. Make sure you have copies of life insurance policy and are they paid up to date. If one of your parents is Veteran get all of that information and seek out info on what one or both qualify for. Now, there is so much more I have to share but I don’t want to overwhelm you. BecUse there is the issue of checking and savings account, lawyers, etc. So that you know in the state of Florida you will be limited in how you help your parents without a POA.
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I went through the long distance caregiver hell for about 5 years. Same story, parents refused any help, wouldn't disscuss moving, and I would drive down and keep the ship afloat.

It finally took the big crisis, mom had a bad fall, dads dementia was increasing. Mom went from hospital to assisted living and I got Dad in a few days later.

I’m the bad guy now, stuck mom in this “Prison”  but that’s ok. They’re safe and cared for.

I’m so glad I got the poa and took over all the finances a couple years ago. I was able to write checks, move money, close accounts, deal with the house and so on.

With booze in the picture, that’s gonna be even rougher. I was prepared to wait until APS got involved advforced them into care. But the bad fall, And dads dementia cratering at the same time was the game changer.
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What a mess, especially with alcohol involved. It sounds like you will need to wait for an "event" to happen before any changes will be made. I would recommend that you and your siblings figure out where YOU would like your parents to be and get on the waiting list if there is one. That way, when the "event" happens, you will be ready to move quickly.

Are legal papers in place (DPOA, etc)? If not, try to get that done as soon as possible!
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To add to the complexity, our folks are, for all intents and purposes, addicted to alcohol. They usually start drinking later in the morning, then end up soused by days end. Many times it's been difficult to tell when there's actual cognitive issues going on or whether it's the alcohol talking.
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When they say no, believe them and don't work around it. Force them to live with their bad decisions. Then when they end up in a situation when they cannot continue based on outside observers, you can place them suitably.

Mthr refused help, was obnoxious to everyone, and cut me and everyone else out of her life. Adult Protective Services found me 2 states away and asked us to assume care. Done.
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Bewmitch, many of us here went through something like that where our parents refused to move to senior living or refused caregivers to come into the house.

What we had to do was wait for a serious medical emergency to happen. Where a parent would go to ER, then into the hospital, then into Rehab, and then into senior living. If only our parents would have listen to us to avoid this part. But we are still the "kids" and what do we know. My parents, mainly my Mother didn't listen, then she had a fall that was fatal. How sad, that could have been avoided. Dad moved to senior living and enjoyed being around people of his own age group.

Then I found out from this website here that I was enabling my parents to continue to live in their home. My folks were in their 90's, both major fall risks. I had to change my lifestyle so that they would continue with theirs.

I also had to learn to say "sorry, I cannot possibly do that" over and over until it sounded natural. But there was a lot of guilt that was thrown back at me whenever I said that. My parents still viewed me as being in my 20's and 30's, instead of being in my 60's.

My Mom refused caregivers the final year prior to her serious fall. Dad was different, he loved having the caregivers who were with him for over a year. They were a godsend for me. I still worried big time, but I knew he wasn't alone and was getting outstanding care.
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