My Aunt is 88 yrs old on Medicare not Medicaid. She lives alone in her own home. She has dementia really bad. So, bad it's causing many problems for both of us. She isn't the type that wonders off she doesn't do that. She forgets everything. She forgets to take her medication at times. She misplaces her checkbook and calls the bank reporting her checkbook stolen. Keep in mind she pays all her bills with her checkbook. When she reports to her bank her checkbook is stolen. The bank stops her past checks going thru. Doing that causes bills not to be paid. Her checkbook was never stolen she just misplaces it all the time. She doesn't trust anyone. She accusing people of taking things or moving things when she's the person moving, hideing things her self. In her mind she thinks she's compatent. She tells everyone to go to Hell. She's very abusive to anyone that tries to help her. I must say she is a very hateful person all the time. So, hateful you don't even want to go see her because, you know what your in for if you do.
She refuses to go into a nurcing home. She refuses to have anyone move in to help her. She refuses to leave her home. She demands to live alone in her home. She refuses to spend a dime to buy things she knows she needs in order for her to stay living in her home alone. She Urines all over her home. She has news papers on the floor so she can Urine on. Because, she can't make it to the bathroom in time. I tell her, she needs to buy a bed pan and a tolet chair to solve these issues. She refuses to spend a dime of her money. She has the money but, refuses. I don't have the money to buy these things for her.
My wife & I go see her every other day if not everyday to check on her, buy her grocerys for her, wash her cloths, Bath her, pay her bills and bank runs ect. We do all as any other caregiver would do if not more. It's costing us money out of our own pocket to do this job. As example, $160 per month just on gas to go see her. If we would attempt to ask for gas money? We don't get a thing.
Legally, she's compatent to do what she desires to do. Because, she isn't taking pills for dementia makes her legally compatent. I took her to her doctor the other day and talk to her nurce at the office explaining that my Aunt is Urining all over the place in her home. The nurse tells me that's normal at that age. I was shocked to hear that. To me it's not normal for a person to live like a dog urining on news papers. In fact to me that should be incompatent. I am her Durable POA. But, since she's legally compatent I can't do a thing to help her. I can't spend her my without her permission as DPOA to buy these things she needs for her. To me I feel this DPOA is worthless for me to help her because, she's legally compatent. If I can't use her funds as her DPOA to fix these issues. I'm stuck! I can't do a thing to help her. By her refusing to spend a dime makes Us look like bad caregivers. People say to call the attorney well I did. I don't get anywhere calling the attorney about these issues. All the attorney tells me is, Sounds like you need Guardenship. Hummm, This DPOA isn't working and now I need Guardenship? What's this? I was just appointed DPOA 3 months ago by this Attorney. 3 months later he tells me Guardenship? Ooo more for me to do now and more money to do this. To me Guardenship sounds to extream. And if this was needed? Why didn't the attorney give me Guardenship in the first place? Three months later now Guardenship what's this? I'm not getting anywhere on this job helping my Aunt.If I was "Joint" on her bank account I wouldn't have these problems. This DPOA stops me from fixing these issues. Because, I have no rights to her spending funds to buy the things she needs that she refuses.
To me the only thing I see to do is wait until something happens to her. Sounds like I need to step back & wait until she falls and breaks a hip. I'm DPOA but I can't do a thing until she's incompatent? She needs to be told by a doctor she's incompatent. Well her doctor refuses to say the word seems he is waiting on me to say the word. My Aunt would disown me if she knew I was the feller that removed her rights. If I wait until she breaks a hip. I'm the bad guy. Requires money to prevent her from breaking a hip that I don't have. Since, my Aunt refuses and tells us to go to hell. I should just have this DPOA removed before she becomes legally incompatent. Why do I want to help a person that tells me to go to hell? Why should I help someone that isn't welling to help them self. They say it's because, of her dementia I must ignore her words. Well, she's still legally compatent at 88 yrs old. And not taking pills for dementia. So, we can't blame this on dementia can we. Is urining on news papers incompatent? Or is that just because, of her age? She was a rich, spolied lady all her life and always hateful to others. The hate isn't from dementia.
What's my options? What can I do? Any advise please? Should I remove my POA?