My mom went into hospice almost two weeks ago. She's been kind of with it off and on. I've had breaking points that I now feel guilty about (changing a diaper when you've never done so, and having no one show me how was frustrating). In one day she went from kind of talking to almost catatonic and her one toe is purple which lets me know the end is looming. She was my best friend my entire life. I tried to help as best I could the last two weeks but I snapped at her when I was exhausted. I have no family help. I'm sole caregiver 24/7. I think I did everything possible but that question still looms if I asked the right questions and did the right things to keep her alive. She isn't prepared to die. Last week she kept thanking me for saving her life. She said a few days ago she thought she was going to die and was so happy she didn't. What do I do with that now that she is so close? I go from task mode to feeling helpless in one swoop. I know it's selfish but she isn't ready and I'm not ready. How do I prepare myself for when it happens? I don't want to see it happen because from what I read and heard its very hard to watch. The hospice people are short staffed and only take her vitals and leave. Anyone with experience with watching a loved one die? Desperate for help and guidance. I need support and help.