Is it possible to be the only member of my family to "suspect" early dementia? - AgingCare.com

Is it possible to be the only member of my family to "suspect" early dementia?

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No diagnosis. Beginning to question my sanity here. In telephone conversations she shifts from topic to topic and I get confused. yes me! I can't follow it. She can, in the same converstion, say two opposite things.
Example: I am going home from hospital tomorrow. (she really is in the hospital now) and then two seconds later, says I am going home today.
Does misplace things and thinks that the woman who comes in is putting them in different places. Who knows?
She bought 10 disposable gloves. I explained she would get five uses out of them. She had trouble comprehending this. Then got it
Says I am lying or that I am accusing her of lying. This is not so. Cannot convince her of this.
I hate even putting this out there. Family doesn't see it. They say it is just her nerves. Is it? Or they say: well, she is old and it is normal in old age.
Thank you.

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I went thru the same thing with my mom - I did not think she be driving anymore but I put my foot down and sold the car. she never mentioned it again. I've checked into homes buy the only option is to all my money or she could give her assets to to pay for clothing and personal likes. in FL you can only $2000 in the bank and then she will be put on Medicaid. I would find a nice assisted living home where they seem to be compassionate and other residents seem happy. you can probably get her on a waiting -- that would be better than some of the state homes. my friend did that to get her mom into mayo nursing home. it was sad but at least she was around other women her age and they usually have been trained in alziemers care. medicare provides me with a visiting nurse and doctor . they are not very good but they do look at vitals and even arranged for a portable sonogram which showed a lot of stones. you might want to visit a reputable psychiatrist which I had.to do after a severe trauma. the med helped with the rage and agitation. he could also help you. many of them just will accept what you or your ins. I was afraid to see a psychiatrist at first but glad I did. see if you can find one who offers councilling - the are a great resource for bouncing off ideas. lisa (gibbons?) has a foundation you can talk to I I think its called "a home for mom. go online and i'm they must have info and diagnostic info. you need to get in your brothers face and give what have found himself burned out so you can thank him for his
caretaking service but have done your research and would like to take some of
the stress off of him. the patient will always fight you no matter what but you both need to do the best by mom. they're caretaking agencies and group therapies youn both should consider. you'll meet others in the same situation and they can provide info but most importantly support. take care, sorry this is so long kathy
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Thank you again freqflyer. I am so sorry that your mother put up a false front. My mother was a perfect "sugar coater." I wanted to hear the truth...no such luck! Even to the doctor, she said "everything's fine." It wasn't by a long shot!
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Thank you, freqflyer! It does happen. Yes, they can trick you into thinking everything's "all peaches and cream."
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My mother is acting loopy and I actually think siblings don't WANT to know because it might mean more work for them. She has always been illogical and a drama queen, so it is hard for the rest of the family to tell - and we are constantly in fights over her check book because she wants to control it ( $72 overdraft charge this month, alone) and I tell her that she cannot manage it.
The person who is around them the most will notice the weird stuff. I plan to go on a trip and let siblings take over for a while - they will be singing a new tune then.
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Llamalover47, excellent point about the "actress" in one's Mom. I never realized that my Mom was experiencing dementia as she was always putting on a good front any time I saw her, when talking on the phone, or visiting the doctors.... I figured she was doing great at 97, same with my Dad at 94.

When my Mom returned from a short hospital stay due to a fall I hired caregivers to help give her a break from all the daily chores... after 3 days she wasn't having any more of that, and she asked the caregivers to leave.... [sigh]. I said ok because I thought she was still of clean mind.

Another fall happened, this time very serious, and I finally felt comfortable enough to snoop around my parents house. I was surprised to find past-due bills, and other strange things that indicated my Mom wasn't thinking clearly. Boy, she had me fooled.
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A lot of good answers and experienced viewpoints, but I think Ferris said it in a nutshell. From what you've said (unless she began behaving this way right after starting a new medication), the dear lady has early symptoms of dementia. By acting now, there are measures that can be taken to help slow down or minimize your mother's dementia. At the very least you will have a better idea of where you stand and she can be cared for in a way that deals with her condition more effectively. Please do what you can ASAP to get her evaluated by a certified professional and have him or her write a statement in plain English for your siblings.

When my mother began acting loopy, but very gradually, my brothers & I could see it coming but we were all stymied as to how to handle the situation. She wasn't far enough gone for us to have her declared incompetent, but she managed to blow her finances to hell. We had no authority to intervene. As Sunnygirl stated in different words, it is very difficult for grown children to swap roles with their parents and become the ones making the judgment calls. It just ain't natural!
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It is quite possible for the "actress" in your mother to come out in front of your siblings and her doc. A friend of my late mother's said "from all perspectives, your mom looks very well." However, only I knew she was demanding to live alone, was 94, legally blind, had CHF and A-Fib and a BP of 60/40.
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Totally stinks about family dynamics. If she is telling you the truth about her situation more so than the person with the POA, why not ask her if she prefers to change her POA...those are changeable. Could be to you, a friend or whomever....also, document the instances of behavior. Date, time, circumstances, was she calm, aggitated, not feeling well, like that. Iver time there will be a pattern and this can help later on. Also what the solutions seem to be. Good luck
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Yes, it IS possible to be the only person in your family to suspect Dementia, I too was in that position. My "family", sister & her adult children, were horribly abusive towards me, as I pursued getting my 94 year old Mother to her Dr. for testing for Dementia. Her Dr. did the usual testing to rule out any vitamin deficiencies, or other reasons for her behavior. He then sent us to a Neurologist for further testing. She was diagnosed in Stage 1 of Dementia/ALZ. At the time she was diagnosed, my sister & her kids didn't accept it, and as I tried to move my Mom into Assisted Living, they put her & I through hell trying to do it! My Mom had made me her POA many years ago, which infuriated them all, but with that in place, and with the support of my hubby & kids, I moved her. Before I got her moved, her behavior was pretty bad. She was hoarding spoiled food, verbally abusive towards me, refusing to take meds, accusing people around her of stealing items she misplaced in her apt. Fast forward 1 year later. She did well in Assisted Living for about 6 months, and then it became apparent her needs couldn't be met there. So, I searched for a Memory Care facility, and didn't inform ANY of my family of this decision, until I found a place & signed the lease. I then informed them via certified mail. My Mom has been in a beautiful, loving, memory care facility for 2 weeks and I have seen a DRASTIC improvement in her! She's pleasant now, very little agitation, she eats well, she laughs again, and mostly, she's healthier then she's been the past few years! My point, go with your gut and push aside any person that gets in your way! You know your loved one best and you are their only true advocate ! I thought I was helping my Mom for years, but in hindsight, what she needed I didn't get her until recently. For years I ran around like a crazy person trying to do everything I could for her, but I finally realized, I wasn't the one who could really help her, her needs we're much greater. Please, please, don't go through the hell we both did! Seek out a great Nuerologist & have her tested. The worst thing will be that your wrong, but if your right, you will be doing the best for your loved one by accepting it, and moving forward.
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And so it begins. You are NOT going crazy, you are recognizing the first symptoms of dementia and your mother needs to be tested. To hell with the other family members, you can tell them you told them so when it becomes fully blown.
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