Are there any other caregivers that are only children like myself?

You are not the only one out there. I am an only child, not married and have just finished taking care of my mother who had ovarian cancer and dementia. She passed away in July, and it pains me to say that it was a relief for me, and I know she is not suffering any more. I am now nursing my father through Kidney failure. I am lucky to have a caregiver who comes in during the day, and some neighbors will "babysit" so I can go to the store on the weekends, and hospice care. I have given into the fact that I will have no life for myself until this is over. I get plenty of E mails from relatives that say they are thinking about me, but when you have somebody who is sick, you find out who your true friends are.

Support group are great, but if you are in my situation, I can't find a babysitter to watch my father to go to one, or they are during the day when I am working. I sure you find that you are better at handling situations and stress better than others around you who have the luxury of supportive siblings. the important thing is to have something that you enjoy doing, such as a craft as an outlet. It won't last forever, so don't stop thnking about wht you will so afterwards.

Chocolate helps too ! :)

Hi Jlynn,
I'm sure there are, but there are many of us who THINK we are only children, because it is very typical for the other siblings not to help. Totally, or not much. You can find other caregivers in your area to get to know through Aging Care. There are support groups in almost every city. Go online and Google that for your specific concern and city. Join us here on different
threads, and feel the love and friendship, and support you could never imagine:) We are all like you. BIg Hugs. christina

I, also, am an only child and new to this website. I have been living with my father for nearly two years and I am at wit's end. I can go on-and-on about the issues I face on a daily basis, however that seems to me to be very selfish on my part. I guess the biggest problem is that I have had to put aside a 35 year career to maintain this lifestyle. There has been countless opportunities in other parts of the U.S. that would be the position of a lifetime, but relocating my father would be near to impossible. Meanwhile, I continue to fall into some depression and using the tool of my trade (food) as my escape. The outcome of this behavior is leading me down pathways that I should not enter. Hopefully with some resources, including this site, that I have found, that I can make a clearer understanding of everything and get back on track with a more positive outlook for the future.

Yes, yes, yes! I am also an only child caregiver. I thought I was the only one. Dying of burnout.

There should be a book for only children and lone caretakers. Although I have numerous siblings, they live far away, do not help, and create more problems through their desire to tell me the right way to do things. In regards to help for you right now, I agree with the idea of hospice. My father passed away recently and our hospice center seemed to be looking after me almost as much as my father. Hospice care is free under Medicare, I think. It was for us, anyway. Please lean on all of us. Also, if someone can come into the house while you rest at home, for example, you would be amazed at how much better you will feel. Try the hospice center for names of people to help you. The help is out there but you may need to make a few phone calls.
My mother and I are making it okay, right now, but I would ask for help from our hospice center if I needed to do so. You will remain in my prayers. RLP

I'm an only child as well- caring for a 97 year old mother with dementia. I've been doing this now for 6 years since the onset of the disease. Our family is very small/fragmented so there are no relatives to depend on. Many friends have pulled away as they find it difficult to deal with illness or bad news of any kind. Good luck to them- they just haven't faced enough hardship in their lives yet to appreciate what I go through. My remaining friends always offer to "help", but given that they don't have a clue as to what it's like to care for a person with advanced dementia, there is little they can really do. I tested the waters once by asking a close friend who had been hounding me to let her "help", and when I asked her to commit to a once a week for about a half an hour to help me transition my mom from her daycare back to our house, she came up with a million excuses. I am grateful for people who lend an ear to let me vent, but I have no false expectations that others will share any of the real physical or emotional burdens. I recently left my career full time to care for my mom, although I do have respite care a few days a week to give me some balance. It was a very tough decision to leave work, but I couldn't do both, and while jobs come and go, we only get one mother, and I wanted to do the right thing. When I get down about being an only, I remind myself of the upside- no family infighting on how to take care of mom- the decisions on what to do are MINE (based on mom's directives from when she was lucid enough to put them in place). I have seen many families fall apart over some family members not bearing their share of responsibility. At least I don't have that stress.
My prayers are with all of the "onlys" on this site- it can be a tough, lonely road.

I am an only child who was abused as a child and the abuse has continued unabated throughout my adult life. I offered reconciliation, which failed, and thereafter offered professional assistance, during which encounter she continued to abuse me. This is what no one wants, but it is, and I have a right to safety and freedom from abuse. It is time to turn the reins over to professionals. I would like nothing more than to be able to provide some companionship and care. If doing so can happen only if I agree to submit to abuse, it is not appropriate.

Not that long ago my Dad hinted around that I should retire from work so I can drive him and Mom around to go shopping, etc. I asked Dad if he had resign from his career to care for his parents or my mother's parents, and of course I knew what his answer was, it was "no".

I had to explain to Dad that since I was female, I didn't get the same salaries as men, therefore I need to work many more years to try to make up that difference. He looked at me like my hair was on fire. He had no idea that women my age went thought that.... yep, college grad in accounting but when I went for my first job, HR [they were called Personnel Office back then] asked me how fast could I type.... [sigh].

I'm an only child caregiver. My mom is in AL and has early dementia. She has daily issues of not knowing what time it is, incontinence issues that she can barely manage, barely able to get around with her walker and constantly complaining about the "old people" she eats with and how bad the food is (it's not). My family has vacation plans in a few days. Even though she is cared for at her AL place, I have so much anxiety that something will happen while I'm gone. I am regretting even making vacation plans because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to relax. Most days, I can't communicate with mom on the telephone because she can't hear me. Forget the cell phone. So, I won't be able to contact her. I do have a cousin that lives out of town who is planning to stay at my house for some of the days I am gone and will be with mom much of the time. Even still I cannot quiet the anxiety. I know that I cannot have my life on hold and my kids deserve a vacation. It is too much stress for an only child to manage a parent in this condition, hold down a job and manage my own family. Guess what suffers? My own family. My kids have had a crappy summer because I'm either running over to mom's AL place to take care of an issue or working. I'm irritable and mostly want to be left alone. There is no solution to this and I feel it is going to get worse before it gets better as mom continues to slip and stop being able to care for herself. Next stop will be a nursing home. Some days I feel she is about a month from that. My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry with my mom for not taking better care of herself. Nearly all of her health issues are from obesity. My dad passed two years ago. The man was a saint. Would do anything for my mom. Now she is stuck with me, a stressed out anxiety ridden only child. I just want a break.

I was an only too, and Mom had a neighbor who helped and a few friends who visited.
My mom also did not take care of herself, and I can identify with the anger about that. You are not leaving your mom inappropriately at all since the cousin is there and she has good care in any event. You probably should go anyways, even if it is not as much relaxation for you due to anxiety - at least then you will not have to feel you shortchanged your family and be mad at mom even more for that. Do the kids ever visit Mom and does that ever cheer her up? My mom used to just love those grandkid visits, especially form my son, and some good memories were made. And I TOTALLY get the torn in pieces part - work, family, mom, all of those needing or at least wanting more time and energy, and no matter which you are attending to you feel guilty about not attending to the others...let alone a minute for you somewhere. Some things get better, some things get worse as the condition sadly progresses. The emotions are totally normal, and yet it might not be bad to get some help with them to try to sort out how you could reduce the stress and anxiety level - the truth is you are doing the best you can juggling everything and deserve to feel at least a little bit good about that. These are not the easiest years in anyone's life, to say the least.