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My mother in law lives in USA & we live in Australia & my husband is her only surviving child. We recently went to visit her as her health both mental & physical has been declining. Not knowing the system over there we found it difficult trying to find out her situation. We managed to get a health directive signed as she wanted DNR so we did that naming my husband & myself her decision maker should she be unable to make the decision for herself.We searched everywhere for a will she said she had but then told us the night before we had to leave that she didn’t have one. Is there a way to find out if she has one or failing that can we do an online one as she’s told us what she wants & thinks as she’s told us that’s sufficient. Our thought process was maybe we could do a simple online will & POA, email it to a notary as I understand there are some that will go to her home, have then go through it so they know it’s what she wants & then sign off on it.There is a man that lives in the same Mobile over 55 park she lives in that has made “suggestions” that she could give the house to him. He may have been joking but we never saw him when we were there but we talked to her today & he’s there visiting again. Maybe we’re being to suspicious but her home isn’t much but at least she’s not on the street & it’s something she can sell for her care if the need be so naturally we want to make sure we can protect her from those that might take advantage of her declining health. Thanks for reading.

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Just a word of caution about online legal documents. A simple will is not always so simple. You stated your husband is her only surviving child. It is important to consider the deceased children. Do any of them have surviving children? MIL could leave everything to her only surviving child. Or she can leave something to surviving child and children of the deceased children. There are so many options available and it is important that her wishes are clearly stated in her will. Not mentioning someone (or something) is not the same as specifically stating that you are omitting someone intentionally. Good or bad, right or wrong, it doesn't matter. Be clearer than you think you'll ever need to be. You'd be surprised at how probate changes some people.
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MadeinOZ May 19, 2025
There are kids from the eldest son but he was a troubled man as was his wife when their kids were small so much so the state removed the kids & they never got them back & were adopted to another family I believe. The kids are now in their 30s & have never reached out since they were taken away & I doubt they even know who or where my mil lives, but even if they did come out of the woodwork that’s fine, my husband would never begrudge them. Our concern is if she somehow got scammed out of her home while she’s still alive & not having it to sell if she needed to go into care, but it seems like it’s just all too hard in our situation & we’ll just have to hope for the best
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Her Will is the least of your concerns here.

IMO you should rethink being her PoA when you are on the other side of the world. Even living in the US, on an opposite coast, makes caergiving very very challenging. Is there no other relative in the US that could take on that role? She sounds like she can easily be a victim of scamming or abuse. I personally think that neighbor guy was "joking" -- or, just like the imaginary Will, it wasn't something he actually said.

You will all need to be present in front of the notary, along with 2 non-family witnesses, whether you get the forms via an attorney or online. Often you will need to have the PoA "active" by a criteria designated in the PoA document. You will need to have presented the PoA forms at every doctor and clinic she sees, and even have them with you if she goes to the ER. But you won't be there in am emerengency, so what good will it do her?

You should accompany her to her free Medicare annual wellness exam and make sure she takes the cognitive and memory test they offer (draw the clock face, remember 3 words after 10 minutes). You might be shocked at the results. Please consider a different plan, one where a PoA or legal advocate will be local to her.
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AlvaDeer May 16, 2025
I agree with all of this. The will is the least of the problems.
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You Might want to go into her home and find the information or the guy in the trailer park May have coerced her Into signing everything over to him . She wont remember so you are going to have to make a trip .
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MadeinOZ May 19, 2025
We were there recently & did just that & could find no will or anything else that would suggest she’s signed her house over to anyone else.
she wanted to give it to us now & she would just live in it but we would own it.
Im not sure how it works over there but in Australia an elderly parent can sign or give their home to her kids but the govt then counts the market value as an asset to be assessed for a pension whereas their home is not counted as an asset.
It was a struggle getting her to understand it would be detrimental to her & she would lose her Medicaid etc but I think I got through that she cannot give or sell her house to anyone including us because she may need to sell it to help pay for her care should it come to that.
The worry for us I suppose is if it comes to that & she needs to go into care & sell her home, if they deem her not mentally fit to do what’s needed to sell a home & there’s no POA, does it get sold on her behalf by govt? And if so are they going to get the best price for her, or will we be allowed to act on her behalf without a POA.
It’s one big headache & honestly I hope she’s right when she says she will die in her home & even showed us the spot where she will go!
It probably sounds bad to say that but at least it would avoid the trauma if she’s forced to leave it.
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