In just 3ish weeks my mom will have crossed the 1 year mark from having had a stroke.
This first year has been beyond hard.
She's lost her mobility and is in a horrible nursing home that I hope to get her out of one day.
In the meantime, I know how much this day 'might' mean to her but I have no clue how she will feel once that weekend comes. I'm sure there will be a lot of mixed emotions with respect to remembering what happened, how life has changed, etc.
However - I want her to have a good weekend. I want her to focus on what she 'does' still have. I want her to spend that time thinking about good things, who 'is' still in her life/around to truly help, etc. So. With that said, can anyone think of anything I can do for her once the 1-year mark hits? I thought about just gathering her few friends in the area (3-4) and surprising her with dinner with them. And maybe just have them share words of encouragement during the dinner (i.e., commending her on her therapy progress, sharing a few bible verses which she loves to hear from others, and just giving her general encouragement).
At the same time I have no idea if maybe she'd rather just be alone during the time. I don't think that would be healthy for her whatsoever though which is why I was thinking to gather a few people around for support on that day. She's already started to talk about how the '1 year mark' is coming up soon, so I know she's already in a very reflective state right now, I just don't want that milestone to be a day where she becomes depressed because when she first had the stroke, she had had all these things she thought she would be doing again by the 1 year mark, none of which sadly has happened (such as being able to walk ever again).
Just reaching out in case there are some creative people on here that have ideas about anything else I can do in order to ensure she has a good weekend when this 1-year timeframe rolls around for her. I'm not trying to bring a ton of 'unnecessary' attention to the matter which is why I was thinking just do a small dinner with a few friends who share some kind words, but I'm open to anything really. I wasn't going to do anything at first, however, in my opinion, we have a lot to be grateful for despite what has happened, and it is therefore worth making a positive 'outing' out of/during this particular day.
Thanks for understanding.
My late husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48 and our life was never the same after that, and he would have been pissed off at me had I wanted to celebrate such a horrible time in our lives. And trust me when I say that I would never have wanted to celebrate that horrific day, even though yes we had much to be grateful for.
I know that you too say that despite moms stroke you all have a lot to be grateful for, which I'm sure you do, but perhaps a small get together either before or after the actual anniversary might be more appropriate, if you feel that you must cheer her up in some way.
I had to change my last paragraph when I saw you posted that your mom is 64 and not 112.(yes your profile said 112).
But that doesn't change the fact that I'm guessing your mom doesn't want to be reminded of the day she had her stroke, or have it celebrated.
Again just celebrate her and what she means to you, not the day her life was forever changed.
I have NEVER heard of having a party to celebrate the anniversary of a stroke, and there are some in my close family. I can’t see any way this can happen without grief at what M has lost since then.
My elder sister has had 52 anniversaries of her own stroke. She certainly doesn’t celebrate it. She doesn’t even decorate her wheelchair with balloons!
This one comes a close second behind ‘heavenly birthdays’!
Surely there has to be better things to celebrate.
"when she first had the stroke, she had had all these things she thought she would be doing again by the 1 year mark"
I guess thats why she is 112. But the elderly seem to be doing fine until something happens. Mom has had a stroke and is not going to bounce back to how she was before.
If she can afford it, I would consider a nice Assisted Living. Medicaid does not pay for AL. There are better Long-term care facilities. Its really up to you if you want to bring her to your home. But, you must be able to do the transferring or hire help. The SNF is not a prison. If you can prove she will get the care she needs someplace else, then they must discharge her.
Having a get together sounds nice. Ask her though, if she is up to it.
How does she feel about the 1 year anniversary?
I would keep it simple.
How tired does she get if you are planning an outing?
It might be easier if you had a small gathering of her friends right where she is.
As far as moving her to another facility...
Get her name on a lot of lists. Medicaid beds do not come up all the time. Most facilities like the resident to be private pay for sometimes 2 to 3 years before Medicaid kicks in.
As far as moving her home...
Pay close attention to what help she needs. Are you able to do all that yourself? I am guessing if mom is 112 you are no "spring chicken" yourself. Taking care fo someone that has a lot of mobility issues can be difficult.
Right now it's hard to tell how she feels about things. I do believe that having people around her during this milestone would be helpful. I definitely won't be actually calling it a celebration or recognition of her stroke whatsoever.
Ask Mom. She might have ideas, and we oldsters often don't much like surprises.
You know, she just might tell you that a visit is great, that she really isn't into anything outside, and that you should bring a cake for the nurse.
My advice is "ask Mom".
That part I will let her choose the day before. There's no way I'm asking her now. Last weekend she changed her mind 13 times just picking her meal when out for breakfast. It will change 1,562 times between now and the day we go for dinner if I ask her right now.
I'm here requesting if anyone else has any 'other' ideas in case someone brings up something I can think to propose to her besides doing a dinner since that's all I can come up with right now myself.