Should my loved one with dementia stay overnight in a different home for Thanksgving?

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My husband and I are invited out to relative homes for Thanksgiving. We had two invites, one is locally in our hometown and the other is out of town, where we may have to spend the night. My husband has parkinson disease, dementia and incontinence. He sometimes get up through the night using the bathroom and he does have a habit of wandering at night time. His doctor placed him on new drugs for hallucination and it is helping. He has been on the new drug for a month now. I just wanted to know should he spend the night in a strange place or if so, what will be the best tips you can provide me if he does stay overnight in a different house? The last time he was admitted in the hospital he did not do well because he became confused and was ready to go home. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks. Statewise.

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I echo those who would stay home. The relatives could bring food to you or you could go to friends if you think that would work. I can't imagine relaxing under the circumstances that you describe (staying out of town).

In the end, though, you need to do as you mentioned and decide the pros and cons for yourself. You know your husband, your relatives and yourself.

Best wishes for you no matter what you decide. We'll be thinking of you. If you have a chance, we'd love to hear back from you to see how your holiday went.
Blessings,
Carol
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Staying home is always safe. But consider his relationship to the out-of-town people and how important a visit with them might be. Consider your own feelings and needs, too. You give up a lot as a caregiver of a loved one with dementia, so be careful not to entirely disregard your own preferences when that is possible.

My husband had the kind of dementia your loved one does. He did not have continuous incontinence but did have accidents. He was high-functioning and fairly coherent most of the time. He definitely did not do well in hospitals but he was a good traveler. During his ten-year journey with the disease he stayed in friends' homes, relatives' homes, hotels, a national park lodge, a sleeper car on a train, and a cruise ship. I'm sure he couldn't have done any of these things alone, but as long as I was with him he was fine. His neurologist approved of and in fact encouraged these experiences. [Note: the kind of brain damage in this type of dementia is different than, say, Alzheimer's, and I don't know what the doctor would have advised for different kinds of dementia.] All of the people we visited were very comfortable with my husband's impairments.

My mother lived with my sister for a year during mid-stage dementia. To give that sister respite I and another sister each had mom for a long weekend each month. Mom had very good relationships with all her daughters and in her prime she would love staying at our houses. But it was clear that the twice-a-month trips made her anxious and increased her confusion. For her it was a relief when she could stay put in the nursing home and have each of us visit her weekly.

I guess what I'm saying, statewise, is that one size does not fit all when it comes to what is best for persons with dementia. You need to consider carefully what your husband can deal with and also your own needs and do your best to decide what will work for you. Once you decide, DON'T second-guess yourself. Don't feel guilty if things don't work out. Do your best, learn from each experience, and move on.
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Thanks everyone for your response. I have not been with my family for Thanksgiving for two years due to my husband illness, especially for an overnight stay. In the past, my husband and I hosted Thanksgiving in our home, but, I had to take a break because it was to much of a task without having his help. Both of us, enjoyed having Thanksgiving with everyone in our home. I will weight the pros and the cons in hope that I will make the best decision for me and him. Thanks again. Statewise
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Stay home. Always best to be in a familiar place. Last time my mom with alzheimer's stayed away from home overnight was 4.5 years ago for my son's wedding that was out of town. She kept everybody up all night long wanting to go home.
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I agree with Jeannegibbs. Hospitals are an entirely different situation from staying in a relatives house. In hospital you are unwell, on your own and it is a noisy and active environment even at night. Not surprising dementia patients don't do well! Do you sleep in the same room? If so he will wake and you will be there. You may well wake when he gets up for the toilet and be able to bring him back to bed if he starts to wander. He will be more likely to wander if he has to search for a toilet and then back to his room. Close family will understand. Agree don't beat yourself up,if it doesn't work but enjoy doing it if it does.
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Thanks again for the good advice...really appreciate the input. Thanks to my sister and her husband we will not be spending the night. They have extended the invitation for us to ride with them and their plan is to come back home after the get together.
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I agree it really depends on the individual situation, which relatives you are visiting and your relationship to them, and even the setup in the home where you are visiting, including bathroom proximity, soundproofing (some homes make loud thudding noises when anyone walks around) and accessibility. Does he do well around children and celebrations?
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We also were invited out of town but i decided our last visits were on good note & w alz. Slowely downhill to stay home away from crowds. Knows where bathrm is & miss our family gatherings but time moves on & not worth upsetting the fruit basket to please me. Whatever you decide have Happy Thanksgiving. Days thought..Be kinder than you feel! Got from alz reading rm.
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If he did poorly in the hospital, what makes you think he will do well in a relative's home? Dementia patients could care less about Thanksgiving, and you would do well to stay home in familiar surroundings so you do not create more hallucinations than he already has. Being on a med one month does not make one well, especially with his diagnosis. The less people to add stimuli to his conditions, the better. You will have plenty of opportunity to visit when he is gone. Your relatives must not know a thing about his illnesses. Educate them!
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A hotel room
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