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We have moved in to care for my mother in law with dementia. Apparently she has had it for 5 years or so. It was covered up quite well. It makes sense now, looking back. My problem is getting to be, that she doesn't want to go with me. I have children with activities, and she is now in Adult Day Care. I tell her that I have to go go work, so she has to go. She tells me to just leave her there, by herself. She needs 24/7 care, can't even be left alone for 5 minutes, or she will come looking for me...either down the stairs or outside. She is getting angry. We always have somebody with her, and of course it is only us caring for her, with VERY little help from family.I know she is angry because when she goes to her other son's house once in a blue moon, she has lots of freedom, and even "babysits" the 2 year old while they run kids to school. I would NEVER leave her to run anywhere. She falls a lot too. Just trying to keep her safe. I try to pick my battles, but sometimes it is hard when we have to leave. We have been here almost a year, and still living out of boxes, and just started day care and really want to get things accomplished while she is there. I'd do anything for her, but keeping her with me 24/7 is not an option, I NEED the respite. My husband works nights, so it makes things even more difficult.

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Island, Wonderful!!
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Today was a great day. I played it as she came out, had breakfast and I didn't say a word. So, after, she went into her room and fixed her hair etc..when she came back, I said, "Oh, you went in to put your shoes on so you can go to the Senior Center and you still have your slippers on, but you did your hair". She said, "Oh, I forgot" and went in and no problems. I don't really work, I am using the time to unpack boxes etc...so we don't really have to be there on time. It went to smoothly today, I couldn't be happier. Our daughter was coming home today from college, so I played it off that she forgot because she is so excited. It was perfect. Made for an easy and pleasant morning.
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Instead of approaching it from the wanting her to be safe angle, try you want her to have a fun day with her friends. Alzheimer's sufferers do not understand that they cannot take care of themselves and able to keep themselves safe and need help in order to do so.
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Oh, she enjoys day care, aka the "senior center" once she gets there. It is getting her to understand that she can't be left alone and stay home. I tell her it is because we care and love her and we don't want anything to happen to her while we are gone. Sometimes she can't even remember if she ate, so it is far along. She even brags about going to my kids. So, she does love it there, as they are wonderful with her. Just frustrating.
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My mom has been in day care for more than two years now. When we first started she went a half a day a week. We gradually worked that up to every day for six hours. In the beginning mom would go back to bed and get angry about going. I finally got smart and told her we had an appointment. She would ask for what. For awhile I told her a nurse to talk about her activities and medications. Now I just tell her we are running late and need to get there. Then she will get to the car, and in a few blocks she will ask me again where we are going. Then I will tell her that we are going to go the day program she has been going to for a couple of years. the challenge was getting her to get in the car.

my mom's dementia is far enough along that she doesn't remember for more than 30 seconds what she has been told. It is call therapeutic lying. My mom loves the program now, has had a wonderful day each time I pick her up, but each morning it is the same battle to get her to the car.

AND you are absolutely correct, she should not be baby sitting a two year old for any amount of time. What stage of Alzheimer's is she in? Does she remember she has been to the day care when she arrives home? Do not call it day care in front of her. You could call it her ladies group, book club, or whatever would work for her.
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It sounds like she is not having a good time at day care. You might want to show up unannounced and see how things are going for her.
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