What is the one thing that you are stressing about?

Please, no one give me advice on this. I know I'm in a bad place, but this is the first chance I have been able to voice it and will deal with it when I have the chance -- after my Mother dies. I just don't have the time now. I thank whomever put the question out there.

What am I stress about? I am fortunate in that at this point I am not stressed about money. My caregiving originally was merely moving back to this stupid small town where I know no one except family, helping out, driving or groceries and to medical stuff. Then it progressed a year or so ago to writing checks and bills, helping with meals, reminder signs around the house and phone calls worked for instructions. However, in the past say 4 months or so -- I've lost track -- it has deteriorated to the point, that if something must be done, meds, meals, baths, her animals fed, whatever, someone -- usually me -- has to be over there. I can tell her something some days and in 10 minutes Mother will forget it. Other days, maybe the short term memory is like 20 minutes.

I apologize for being like this because some of you have been dealing with this so much longer than I have and that makes me feel weak.

I am fortunate, that at this point, there are no money worries. My only worry is what is happening with me. I have, as I've posted before, hired someone 3 days a week for lunch and my brother gives me Sundays off. But it is like running two household -- I live across the street and do everything to keep up the household -- but have not actually moved in with Mother so she has the feeling she is still living independently, which is important to her. I also make sure to get a break about every two months or so, out of town. But, in trying to put weight on Mother because she fell to 95 -- she claimed and truly thought she ate and hadn't -- and raise her hemoglobin level which fell to 9.2, I realized my own weight fell to 109 and I'm 5'4".

However, the main thing that worries me is, every night, after I get Mother to bed, at 9:00, I start drinking. I know it's not good. But it is the only way I can sleep. Otherwise, my brain never turns off for me to sleep. I lay there thinking of all kinds of things. What I should be doing for Mother? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? What can I do better? How can I help her?

I have to get some sleep or else I can't get up in the a.m. and get her going.

I have always been very successful and a problem solver. I have always accomplished whatever I set out to do. I retired at age 51. But this, I can't solve and it is driving me crazy.

I will fall asleep at about 1:30 or 2:00, but only with the help of alcohol, and I will wake up in the morning always with the alarm to go over and start to get Mother out of bed. That will take about an hour. But nothing interferes with what I have to do for Mother. She wants to die in her own home, the home she has lived in for over 59 years and that is my goal.

I know I am hurting myself. But right now I do not know how to deal with it.

But if I don't drink, well, then I don't sleep and I am stell awake at 6:00 - 6:30 in the morning.

I figure, once Mother dies, I'll go in rehab. But now, I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I stress about my mom.....she's 75.....but acts like she's 95....,who lives with me and she does nothing, absolutely nothing all day, I want to move her to assisted living......she is financially able.....where she can do "nothing" there all day and I can get my life back....like she had when she was my age.....I'm only 46! Mom sleeps on average 10-12 hours a day and watches TV 10-12 hours a day....to me that is maddening! I tried taking her to the senior center, she refused to get out of the car! She won't even go outside on our deck.....she is inside watching TV all the time.....she does this because she has "done it all" in her lifetime which is far from the truth! No one I know has "done it all"......but don't try to tell her otherwise.......and oh yes......the holidays are coming....of course....according to mom......"it's just another day"..........whatever.......

I am feeling stressed about always being trapped.

My mum and when is she going to forget who i am? I think money affects most of us here and like another post said I too have left it all up to the angels to help me i have small wins almost every week enough to get me by until next week am just waiting for the money to come and help us! Yep maybe im crazy too!!

That my MIL's health will deteriorate to the point that she can no longer live on her own but will refuse to go into a NH. Then there's the financial side of things.

"I can't wait to get to your house and change the curtains and the bedding and move all my furniture in." stresses me out. That is not going to happen. My house is already full of furniture, has curtains that I like, and is decorated the way I like. Nope. Not going to happen. Boundaries. We have boundaries here.

I would love to help you hang those curtains up in your own place at the assisted living place though. It will add the perfect homey touch there.

Stressed about feeling resentment towards my 78 yr old Mother who I feel got herself into many of her health problems (obese, diabetic, mobility issues) and now I'm "expected" by society as a whole to take care of her when I at 48 just want to live my life like she did in her 40's and 50's & 60's.

So stressed by the resentment I feel, and the guilt I feel for feeling resentful which makes me more resentful and more guilty, and so on, and so on.

where do I start, husband 82 ALZ has one daughter, an RN 20 minutes from us, my DR told me I needed a break, or I would break, I invited step daughter & husband out to dinner with us and asked her if she could arrange her schedule and keep dad 1 week, after hemming & hawing, she agreed, told me go ahead book your flight we can do it! I went home, called my daughter on the west coast that I would be there for her 50th birthday, by nightfall I started getting emails from his daughter & son In law, basically saying, it is not going to happen they will not watch him, I have been stressed ever since, can't shake it, their last email said, it ain't happening! forget it, he's not coming here. she only sees him 3 times a year I guess I should have waited a day!

Okay so we want to get to the nitty gritty... First things first, Jessie do NOT tolerate attention to yourself, made SURE you have good clothes on your back and good shoes to walk in. Forget about the "affordable act" sounds so nice, but politics don't even in, another Nanny state that does nothing for you. I live in Ireland, and there are more people on the "dole" as they say. It is wonderful for a politician with millions of dollars to spew bs. They are fine are you? No.
I am grateful to have a roof over my head, bills for sure, but it becomes truly a mind bender when you have to pay over 2000 dollars a week to care for someone. My pets have been the most life affirming thing in my life, it is called "unconditional" love. They have loved me for better or worse, and without nothing more than a hug. My mother has been hateful and vindictive and I still provide for her care. I would say that my point is this, You need to take care of yourself, get sleep, eat well, and make sure you wear your party pants now. We do not know what tomorrow brings, but if you continue to wear sack cloth and ashes you will be assured of pain and suffering.
Take your power back, stop catastrophying and stop with the guilt distortions. You did not cause it, nor can you change it, it is now the time to put your energy into yourself.

Having to decide my mothers living options when she cannot live independently anymore. She refuses to discuss the options except to tell me no nursing home or assisted living. I am not an option, even though she wants me to be. That will leave her with only homecare which will eventually deplete her assets and then it would be a NH or a family member willing to take her, which I doubt. Hope she passes before I would have to make those decisions since I am her DPOA.

There is no one thing I am most stressed about. I am stressed about my elder mother, my sick pets, and my shrinking retirement savings. I am stressed about my lack of attention to myself. I am stressed about having no good clothes to wear, with my shrinking retirement savings keeping me from buying more. Guess you could say the one thing that I am most stressed about is everything. I am glad that the new Affordable Care Act may make one thing less stressful for me -- keeping up my health insurance. I am self employed and at my age, it has been a drain to pay it each month. No matter how bad things look, there is always hope on the horizon.

Money, that my life is slipping away and I'll never be able to live a "normal" retirement because I have up my job 5 years ago to care for my mother and she doesn't even care. Ugh.

Money, no retirement funds.... but like Madeaa said, somehow I have always landed on my feet. God's Grace I guess. I've done nothing in particular to deserve it.... but I am grateful.

I hate money, things, possessions, they just tie you down. The reality of it all is that we need money to live, I have been living on my retirement savings and now I will use what is left for her care. What happens will happen, I just choose to believe that a way will be provided for me, it is trust that a power greater than myself will provide. Am I crazy, perhaps, but I have been provided for somehow and some way.

OK and money is a very close second! :)

That I will have wasted 10 years of my retirement on someone who is ungrateful and unappreciative.

That something terrible and avoidable will happen to my mother because she's so damned determined to not listen to anyone.

Here is one thing (maybe not The One Thing):

Money. Having gone through our life insurance policies, our savings, all of his retirement fund, and most of mine, now as a widow I'm trying to figure out how to keep from losing my mortgaged house. I'm looking for work. Lack of money is a stress, for sure.

Since Madeaa already said money, my answer is the seesaw from his resenting reminders, "there's nothing wrong with his brain," to his suddenly needing me to drop everything because he can't cope.

MONEY, paying for my mother's nursing home ARGGG