What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?

My mother looking to me to take most of the responsibility and making excuses for my siblings who supposedly cannot assume even some of the responsibility. Living too far away, cannot afford to take time off from work, unreliable transportation. I live an hours drive away, I take unpaid time off from work, but I do have my own car. BINGO I win the prize as the official caregiver due to being the most reliable convenience, at least in your mind, mom. Do you not realize that as you scramble to find people to help you in your own home, siblings are not stepping up to help and I am further distancing myself from being your chosen one.

Not being able to "fix" what is wrong.

I care for both grandparents and my grandmother is so self centered its sickening. don't get me wrong i love her but she doesn't care who she puts out as long as she gets what she wants. my grandfather has a few years on her and he will be 80 next year but she acts like HE couldn't possibly be sick or sore or tired. right now she is in a nursing home. she can't walk much and definitely cannot use the toilet on her own but she refuses to stay there. She doesn't care that I will be alone caring for her 24/7...she just wants to got home. it is ridiculous!

I have to agree with Marialake, the original poster. Mom is ABOUT MOM. Was she always like this? Probably. But she was more 'silent' about it because her and dad "understood each other" and got on well for 67 years. BTW, the man was brilliant, a saint in my eyes, a lighted soul who always helped and saw the best in others. He was truly exceptional.
So yeah. It's about her. Maybe at 91 I think it should be? I mean it's hard to think of others when you are close to the end of your life and alone, I guess. I try to put myself in her shoes. I am her "lifeline" literally sometimes to social interaction.

As far as the loss of freedom? That is probably right up there #1 with the sense of entitlement she has.

I know Ash has posted I am "destroying my family" by enabling mom and not stopping her and putting my foot down, but as an only child, it's easier said than done when I know for a fact that woman is alone in the world. The truly is. She relied on my dad so much that I bite off as much as I can chew, and sometimes more; and swallow.
I love her dearly, - we all only get one mom. There are days I wish I could be left alone. Days I wish I could take a vacation. Just days where I want to not be responsible. But in the future, I know those days will come.
And no, I don't feel I am destroying myself or my family. I know inherently that my love for her and my family is the glue. I'm the lynchpin of this family. I bitch a lot, and I come here to do it (thank you for listening) but there isn't much I would change in terms of forcing life changes on her at 91 (at least while she is coherent)...... still, yes I MISS MY FREEDOM.... but there is also a song... I can't remember the artist or the name of it, but it goes "Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose....."
They need us and there has to be something good in that.

The loss of freedom. Having to be close by at all times and never getting a break.

The realization that you can't teach an old dog new tricks and the associated pain of having to stay calm when the same request (like brushing teeth) needs repetitive reminding and gentle guiding with more and more resistance in return. When does one give up? I love that guy - my husband (due to stroke and old age my old baby now) - how can I allow myself to look the other way?