
I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
I will not do personal care for my mother. She doesn't need it yet. I will also not do any housecleaning for her. She has money and has to decide when she's ready to hire a housecleaner. I will not become her personal slave.
Does your mother have money to hire help?
My Mum is 92 and lives 10 minutes drive from me.
She has done really well so far, but is now having auditory hallucinations (no UTI). She phones and asks me to listen, I can hear nothing but she gets angry with me when I say I can't hear anything. She blames her neighbour and says she will go next door to complain. Nothing her geriatric doctor, nurse or I say, can convince her the noises are her ears playing tricks.
I take her shopping twice a week and each time I ask if she wants to come along, she says, 'I was afraid to ask'.
She has started to forget a lot and shows me old family photos, saying she doesn't know the people in them and they must have been left by the people who lived in her house before her - 40 years ago! She also mistakes my daughter for my cousin, who is 35 years older. My daughter is expecting in June and I really want Mum to understand this is her first great grandson and not a new cousin of mine.
Finally, for now, the stories that she repeats over and over, as if I haven't heard them before. How do I continue to appear interested when I can repeat them word for word?
Oh, ok, one more thing, I am really dreading the time when she needs personal care as I really feel I won't be able to cope with that. As it is, I struggle to clean her toilet as she has accidents and doesn't seem to notice the mess she leaves behind.
I feel bad criticising her but I am starting to feel emotionally drained. I'm an only child so no siblings to help out.
Or Mom is sick and I can't leave her.
Driving 50 miles round trip every day
No days off
Not knowing what to say when told "maybe your brother can stop by more often"
I am thankful that my dad is still in relatively good health though, and I really shouldn't be complaining.
".... Mom and I do not speak much. I feel that she resents that I am her caregiver. Her happiest time of day is when my brother calls and asks for money. I hear her talking with my husband and she is so chipper. I come downstairs and ... nothing. I've been a good a faithful daughter. I thought it would be a special time for us. Now I dread it and feel guilty. Mom is easy to care for. "
This, so much, this. My mother spends most of her time giving my angry stares and refusing to speak to me. But when the dog walks into the room she cheerfully converses with him. "Oh, Riley, there you are. How was your day? etc" Her caregivers and everyone she meets tell me what a sweet lady my mother is. But she is never that person for me. And, yes, I also have a brother who only calls when he needs money and boy does she light up when he calls.
I do believe that she resents me for taking care of her. Ironic, isn't it?