
I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
I try to encourage gma to move and help, and she loves folding laundry and making her own snacks and food. The issues arise when she has an accident (either bathroom or dropping food) and tries to clean up messes off the ground. Usually it becomes a smearing mess by the time she gives up. I think it helps her "give in" a little faster with me because she knows I work in a hospital where I clean up "bathroom" messes all the time. "I guess you just have the constitution for this sort of thing." Lol, yep. That works for me.
Felt like the old me those two weeks....
Yesterday, gorgeous out....but "he" was nagging at my brain ALL day....I was a total miserable B***H!!!
As of now, I don't wish either of them to die, especially my mom, but I do have to admit I long to be normal again. Our daughter is having our first grandbaby in December and that's all I want to think about !! 😍
I also often realize that the chance at the relationship I often dreamed of having with her is slipping away, and that it will now never happen.
Then, I realize that my own dreams and aspirations are fading as well, as I put my mothers needs before my own although she never did the same for me. She was mostly oblivious to my life, my needs, etc., and she stayed with a monster that regularly abused all of us and that was clinically insane. He would laugh loudly on a whim, with others in the room or not, and he would often be sadistic during these episodes. Sadly, he never got help and died at 37 years old. She then had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental hospital. My sister and I had already moved out of state to live with our grandparents. Mom, at first, was catatonic, and then gradually came back somewhat, to where she has been for fifty or so years. She has no memory of most of that time, but I do. She will often talk about him and how he cared for us. It is so tough for me to then be silent, so in a nice way, I remind her that he was not caring at all.
Now, I think I mostly just miss having my life back, and doing what I want to do.
I think you will find that some WILL help if asked directly, & some will whine or make excuses,... but keep working down the list!! and you MIGHT come to somebody who will pitch in. Try approaching it in a different way sometimes. Make it about what is best for mom, not you...they might accept that better..?
May I ask, what birth order are you? Youngest, oldest, middle, only daughter?
Is Mom under a Dr.'s care? What diagnoses?
If family is of no help, have you tried friends, neighbors? I hope you can figure out a way to get a break. We all need them!
Not having someone to give you a break..to take a basic full shower to even walk down 5 streets to go to the laundry mat. Can some one watch mom? Grocery stores dont like me to bring her in..because of her fits..talking out loud etc.