Marialake Asked April 2014
What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?
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This doesn't exist. She calls me every day wanting to talk it to death for hours but I can't wave a wand and make her perfect living situation happen. I can't seem to get her to realize she'll have to let go of at least one of these "wish List" items. Anybody have an elderly parent in a place without a garage? How's it going? We live in the mid-South so storms are more of a concern than cold weather.
Only thing to say is each day is one day closer to your ordeal ending.
I wonder if most parents who did care for their parents, if they expect it from their children. I have told my girls that I never expect them to do caregiving for me.
My caregiver days are over but I felt like they would never end. It’s a hopeless feeling.
It seems right now my life is CO-OWNED.
Having someone in my house ALL the time.
No alone time.
Having to redo what she's done.
Repeating everything I say, multiple times throughout the day.
Cleaning $hit off the toilet and the floor.
Having no support from siblings
Oh... Just one... I have so many....
I agree with everything you posted except about the siblings, I have none so I do the above alone.
:)
Oh , yeah , you are right , it’s a realization that your world is different .
On another note ……, I remember I would take my Mom to the store , and I would get “ one of the looks ” from other shoppers .
1) the pity look
2) the why do you have that old lady out look
3) my favorite . When you would run into another daughter who was also with her Mom and you give each other the nod .
Ah yes, envying other’s lives. Some of my friends totally escaped any caregiving and are enjoying life . I also happen to be younger than most of my friends and they are retired . They have time to do whatever they want . I don’t have time to join them. Meanwhile DH and I work and have been caregiving on and off for many years . First my parents and now his .
I’m at the mall right now. I see all these happy, laughing people. And I’m thinking, “Yeah…they don’t have elderly parents. No wonder they’re so cheerful. They have zero stress.”
Unfortunately.
Will tomorrow also be an “ugh day”? The suspense is killing me.
Another “ugh day” strikes again.
In a bad mood. Already feel better just having typed that. Ugh. It´s an "ugh day". It´s been a while since I had a good day. I wonder how many "ugh days" one can have in a row. I can tell you, I´m a pro.
Then I tried to put her air conditioner on to filter the air only to find it wasn't turning on. It was working just fine the last time it was used but of course today, when the air quality in NYC was the worst in recorded history, was the day that the circuit breaker gave up the ghost. Why do things break down at the worst possible time?
I am thankful that it is fixed but I'm still so stressed and upset about all of it. I wish I can calm down but I can't.
I try breathing through a wet face cloth when there is bushfire smoke about.
Perhaps it’s time to put your husband in a nursing home and move on and enjoy YOUR life. I pray that you will somehow find peace and happiness that YOU deserve.
For my older years I plan to go into assisted living and rely on paid help. I want my daughter to live her life to the fullest, travel and enjoy her grandkids without having to deal with my crap. . If I see her a few times a year for a brief visit that’s fine with me. I am not going to encroach on her life. I didn’t have her so she could be my nursemaid.
Actually hoping I just drop dead of a massive heart attack well before I reach 95. There is no point to growing this old if you are unable to have any quality of life anyway.
You truly hit the nail on the head. There is no “ You” in their world, only “ Me”.
And it invalidates you as a person.
In a very long career of caregiving I have been worked like a rented mule.
I try to remind myself that a drowning person is just trying to get the next breath.
They can’t think about me. But, bless you for what you do. You are storing up your treasures in heaven. The world needs more people like you, selfless and caring.
But right now, I have the opposite issue. My client, who is also a dear friend, is profoundly disabled. He is totally dependent. Because of this, he is extremely aware of his caregivers needs and what he can do to assist us. This may sound like a beautiful thing, but in fact it is heartbreaking. If I am tired or not feeling well, he will refuse certain things to make it easier on me. He does the same with other caregivers, including his family.
Frankly, I have never seen this conduct before. But he was disabled as a child almost 50 years ago, and is an exceptionally intelligent person.
When the one who needs help is concerned about the helper, well, it’s just too much on them.
Better that they stay in the stratosphere of “ help me” rather than take on even more issues.
Does anyone else out there know what I mean?
My DH would agree with you about watching the decline . We’ve noticed a significant step like decline in physical condition of his father . He was walking much better 6 weeks ago after rehab . I encouraged DH to take this weekend off from seeing his Dad . So we took FIL out last night to a diner . He was having a lot of trouble walking with his walker especially up the outside ramp to the door to the diner . No more . From now on we take him out in the wheelchair until we can’t get him in or out of the car anymore.