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My bedridden 95 year old father. I have tried to get him to see that the cousin of my deceased mother's help in my opinion, is not necessary because I am available to what she does, scheduling appts, helping out with my father's care and transportation needs. This cousin has taken on a very disrespectful attitude toward me. I believe she feels she can treat me that way because my sibling disrespects me in her presence. I need some suggestions about how to remove this cousin from her role and her overbearing presence in my father's house.

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First, what authority does your sibling have to make the decision of allowing the cousin's role and presence in your father's house?

Second, what medical conditions does your father have that caused him to be bedridden? Is he able to make decisions on his own life and care, on his finances, etc.?

Third, what's your father's position on the cousin as well as your sibling's unwanted intervention?

Fourth, who all is living in your father's house besides you and the cousin? And did the cousin move in, invited by your sibling, without your father's involvement?

Fifth, has your father executed any POAs designating who does have authority to act on his behalf, legally, financially and medically?

Sixth, how did this all come about? I suspect there's a back story here about the cousin and your sibling.


If the cousin and your sibling have no legal authority but you do, you can take a series of steps designed to get both of them out of the house. First, put them on notice that their help is not needed or necessary. Second, consult law enforcement authorities to determine how to get them removed. Third, advise them they may be forcibly removed if they don't leave voluntarily.

If the cousin has actually moved in and changed her address to your father's, you may have to use eviction proceedings to get her out. If she's not there as a permanent resident, block her visits; change the locks and don't let her in.

On another issue, if your cousin is disrespecting you in front of your father, that isn't helping whatever his condition is. I don't know if it rises to the level of indirect elder abuse, but you could contact APS and ask about the issue. Perhaps they might choose to become involve and prevent the cousin from meddling.

One of my cousins was like this as well. She was overbearing, ignorant, uninformed, manipulative, controlling, dominating, and worse of all, very, very dishonest. Fortunately, she wasn't geographically close so she couldn't meddle as much as she wanted to.

It was easy when she tried to meddle while my father was hospitalized because I spoke with the staff beforehand after I learned from someone else that she intended to visit, w/o consulting me first, and made arrangements for the hospital staff to immediately contact security if I just told them during her unwanted and self imposed visit that she was creating problems.
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If your brother has POA and wants cousin to do the caring I would let cousin take over...
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