One parent has dementia and the other has no caregiving skills. Now what?

Follow
Share

healthcare staff have said husband needs to be in facility - too many falls (6-8) in a two week timeframe due to memory, disorientation, dehydration, poor nutrition, improper medication distribution. Wife insists she can care for him. Discharged from hospital with understanding that there will be 24 hour caregivers at home $$$ (not sustainable). Family need to move him out of house to more affordable 24 care but wife insists she can't be without husband.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
14

Answers

Show:
Facility that accepts couples?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

MANY facilities accept couples in just that situation. It can be a lifesaver. Couple stays together, the "healthy" one isn't burdened by the non healthy one--meals can be provided, or not. Activities and outings are often available. Nursing care is available.
They can be pricey--check around your area and see what's available.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Yep, sound exactly like my Mom... only she could take care of my Dad.

When my Dad had a mild hear attack, Mom was in denial he had one, she thought it would make her look like a bad wife.... [sigh]. She insisted she could take care of Dad.... hello, she was 91 at the time. They slept in the living room because no way she could help Dad upstairs to the bedrooms. When Dad fell, which was almost daily, she couldn't pick him up. But she still insisted it was "her job" to take care of him.

logicvsheart123, hope someone can convince your Dad's wife that her husband needs a higher level of care, and let's look for a nice place for the both of them. There are independent living facilities around that offer higher level of care for a spouse, and both can live in the same apartment.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I recently toured a assisted living community with a memory care wing. They pointed out to me that there were many couples living there were one spouse still went to work everyday.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

As someone who lives in an independent living facility, I don't think this man would be eligible for one. The place I live in requires residents to be able to carry out activities of daily living and be ambulatory. I don't believe a person who is prone to frequent falls would qualify for admission to an independent living facility. The facility I live in occasionally admits people who don't meet these criteria. Often, it is not long before they are told they must find other accommodations.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My parents were able to get a room together in a nursing home. My father was almost bedridden when he entered while my mother was still ambulatory but had some dementia. Now that my father is gone my mother, who is bedridden herself, has a roommate.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

When my friends, for whom I am their POA, needed to leave their condo due to the wife's incontinence and wandering and frontal temporal dementia, I had found a one bedroom memory care apartment in an assisted living place for them. After several sessions explaining the need to do this for the care of the wife, we got them there. They had to be together because the wife constantly looked for her husband if he wasn't visible to her. This arrangement worked well. After the wife died, the husband is quite happy to continue living in that same apartment, and with poor short term memory, needs the kind of care they provide. I went to 8 or 9 assisted living/memory care places before I found one that had a choice of a two-bedroom, one-bedroom or efficiency apartment in their memory care area. None of the newer facilities provided that option so two people could live together in the memory care area, just this older facility that converted one of their assisted living floors to memory care. He gets good care, is monitored carefully and is happy. I am pleased he enjoys interacting with others at meal times so he socializes 3 times a day. He doesn't want to do anything else, so he spends his time watching TV and reading his newspaper and magazines that I bring over to him. As long as he is happy and the care is good, I feel relieved and can now deal with emptying out and selling his condo. I never realized how big a job that would be. The care is expensive--some $7400/month--but I can see being able to pay this for several years. After 18 months, the facility will accept public financing, too, so he never has to leave even when he runs out of money. They provide care up through hospice, so going to a different place will not be necessary. I am very thankful for having found such a facility that met/meets the needs of my friends so well. They had no children or nearby family who could play this role and after 40 years of friendship, worshipping together, vacationing together, I felt it a privilege to be able to play this role.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

No elder is discharged from the hospital to their home when there is no one home to care for them.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

well they might both have to go to care place if so make sure family gets the house not the place. & they will not have there life insurance to have the place will get that anything in there name goes to the place .MAKE SURE THAT A FAMILY MEMBER IS A POA POWER OF ATTORNEY the place will not tell you much to find out if they are getting the right drugs i found that out ...they do not tell any one any of that .. this is the 2nd choice so i would wander if the wife would be able to take care of husband ??if she is maybe they can get someone to teach her how to ..they can teach her the tricks to do it i bet if she is able to ..or if family members can take turns to be with them when need be too ..i hate nursing homes it would be my - 100% not to go to so really make sue they get a P.O.A or they will have no say so or rights to them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

As for Independent Living facilities, it all depends on the facility and if said place did offer higher levels of care for extra fees. Also if the facility also had an Assisted Living facility on-site.

My Dad lived at Sunrise Senior Living, in a really nice two bedroom apartment. Eventually he needed some of the higher levels of care... such as med tech for medicine maintenance, and night service to help him have a shower and get ready for bed. Dad was a fall risk, thus the facility had him wear a medical alert pendent [for a fee].

Eventually Dad had to move to Assisted Living/Memory Care center in the same complex as his dementia was starting to progress, and so was his falling. It wasn't unusual for a husband and wife to be in the same complex, one in IL and one in AL. Doing that can be very expensive, but worth it if one's budget can handle it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.