Only one family member be willing to look after mum or dad when they are old....no one else. Any advice?

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To me it is so sad. out of eight children. I cant make them care. I hear of this a lot it is a fact of life.. But some one who is not family come along and love to help them it would be lovely if more people tried a little harder

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In many cases the children are in denial. They simply believe that Mom and Dad can go on forever. The wake up call comes when one of them goes to the hospital. That's the time to pull everyone together and agree to each take one day a week to check in on them.
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beautiful1,
One thing to make the situation fairer is, if the parents have resources, to pay the child who is the caregiver. It is extra hard for the lone caregiver to go without wages, a social life, and sleep, so that Mom's house can be divided up among all siblings.

If this could apply to you, set up a personal care contract, specifying your duties and wages. Report the income and pay taxes on it, so you are building up Social Security "quarters" for your own retirement.
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thank you so much for your help
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if your the person the parents trust and count on then you must be a giving and selfless person. i became a dementia carer by the process of elimination. my sisters were too annoying and overbearing. as difficult as it was i now consider those 6 years to be time well spent .
as jeanne stated, many elders cant remain in their homes for varying reasons. if your caring for your parents accept any help you can get. it can become too much for one or even two carers.
i think the scariest part of elder caregiving is the uncertainty of your own future. when the elder passes away you no longer have the handicap of caregiving full time so you should be able to piece together what remains and resume living.
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Be glad there is at least one! (Is that you?)

There are lots of reasons adults children won't help. Some can't, because of their own health. Sometimes the family has always been dysfunctional and the adult children have distanced themselves in order to stay functional themselves. The same is true if there was abuse or severe neglect. Some do it because of conflicts within their own family -- a spouse who has been treated badly by the parent. Some are clueless about what they should do, and can be trained into helping. Some are just plain lazy, selfish, greedy, etc.

Here is one of the best articles about this subject on this site: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/siblings-conflicts-caregiving-for-elderly-parents-142138.htm

Depending on the reasons, it may or may not be possible to influence siblings to pitch in. It is never possible to force them to do it.

Depending on the parent's needs, there may come a point where one person cannot continue to provide care. In that case selecting a suitable care center and becoming the parent's advocate may be the best option.
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