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Mom has been crying (without tears) for hours at a time. It is pretty much a daily occurrence now. We have been giving her Lorazepam at least once per day, but will give it more often now. It doesn't really help, though. The hospice nurse came out yesterday and instructed us to give it to her every 8 hours to see if we can get it to stay in her system longer. In addition, she said to try morphine (small dose) to see if she is in pain. (Mom cannot tell us.)


While Mom seemed to calm down a little during the day yesterday -- she was walking around a little and standing (with assistance, of course), when I went to change her into her pajamas at 5:00, she started crying. She cried until after I left at 7:00. Nothing calms her, except looking at a picture of my granddaughter. Music doesn't help. Talking to her doesn't help. I gave her more morphine at 5:30, but it's obviously not physical pain. So, I will stop that. It appears to me to be her mental state.


When I arrived this morning at 8:00, Mom was quiet. Then the hospice aide came to bathe and dress her. Mom started crying as soon as the aide started changing her clothes. (This seems to be a pattern.) I gave Mom Lorazepam, but at 10:00, she was still crying.


Even though she appears to be talking when she is crying, very little of what she says is understandable. One thing she did say last night while crying, though, was "Daddy." That is what she called her father.


I contacted the hospice nurse this morning and she said she will talk to the doctor. She doesn't feel she has a UTI because the appearance of her urine is fine. Even if the doctor orders a sample, the only way they would get that is with a straight catheter. Mom will not stand for that. She is still a strong fighter.


What the nurse did say was that it could be end-of-life anxiety. How long does that anxiety (on average) tend to last before they give in?

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One thing I learned with my mom and other people with dementia I observed is that they absolutely don’t like to be messed with. Bathing, feeding, changing clothes and bedding, that all kicks in their behaviors. A woman on my husband’s rehab floor carried on so loud we couldn’t hear his television and he was five rooms away. We think they’re in pain or anxious or afraid and we wish we could talk to the “normal” loved one for even ten seconds to ask them what they want and how we can help. Unfortunately not possible.

There is no time frame on this, Mapotter. No one can predict what’s in the future for Mom. My own mother became more or less comatose and the last time I saw her, 3 of us couldn’t wake her. But your mom has gone the other way. I honestly don’t think she is “crying” even though she may be making sobbing sounds. It’s her way of communicating now, even if only with herself.

My heart hurts for you. I hope you all find some peace some way, some how. Keep posting here, ecause it’s not just me. We ALL care. Xxoo
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Mapotter, Im sorry you are going through this hard time. I wish things were different for my Mom and I. She actually slept all night, but woke up a 6:50 calling for her Mom with her legs dangling from her hospital bed. She was okay, and once she was back in bed she seemed a little better. She actually knew who I was, and she told me that she loved me. That was nice. I know its mean to "wish" she would go fast, but this is torture watching her slowly waste away.
I will try the Haldol again tonight. Can you let me know if you ended up giving your Mom the dosage of the Ativan and Haldol in between and let me know how that went?
Take Care :)
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Mapotter, this happened to mom the last several days of her life. It was our primary reason for calling Hospice, because no amount of tramadol appeared to be able to control whatever pain, psychic or physical that she was experiencing.

We started her on Morphine on Wednesday afternoon, she died Friday afternoon.
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Mapotter and Onlychild, I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have great answers, I just wanted to offer my support from one caregiver to another. I had my mom on hospice for a week and I would drive to her apartment and be saying to myself, "Please be dead, please be dead" all the way there, because it was so hard to see her struggle. The hospice nurse was able to tell me when she thought it would be her last day and she was right - she passed away at around 11 PM that evening. I had sat with her all day and she passed when I was in the next room, taking a break. It's so hard. {{{Hugs}}}
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There are alternatives to ativan, tell them it isn't working for her and ask for - insist on - something else.
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Ahmijoy, that is good to know. I didn't realize it was not uncommon. It does seem more of a fear thing with Mom.

Cwillie, thank you.
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I was just going to post this question. My Mom is "in distress" but she can't communicate what ails her. It is so heartbreaking. She is eating and drinking less everyday. I gave her Ativan at night so that we can both sleep, but last night she was asleep, but making noises that sounded like she was having nightmares.
I called the hospice nurse and she said to try Haldol tonight and see if that calms her. It is in her kit that has the Morphine. Can you please let us know if anything helps your Mom?
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onlychild, it sounds like we are experiencing the same thing... The hospice nurse told me today that if the Lorazepam doesn't work to try the Haldol in between doses... God, I hate feeling like I am drugging her.... A friend of mine, who had vascular dementia, took Lorazepam and Haldol and her daughter said it made her nutty... Mom gets the next dose of Lorazepam around 5. Her dosage is .25 mg. She has been sleeping for the most part today. But, she has had periods of whining. And, yes, it sounds like she is having nightmares, but doesn't always appear she is sleeping by the grimace on her face.... She is definitely reliving something...
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Mapotter, my Mom is very young. She is 67. It is so sad to see someone go downhill. She is sleeping right now, so now I get to wake her and get her ready for bed. Wish me luck! Have a good night!
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onlychild, Wow. Your Mom is young. (I am 61...) I feel so bad for you.

Day 2... I arrived and the aide was here. Mom was quiet, but just staring. She refused breakfast so far.  I prayed that God would just take her in her sleep before I got here... I can't stop crying...
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