It’s time to re-educate older folks (and I am one). Why take for granted that our kids must give up their lives to care for us as we age?

I have already put in writing to my kids that they have no obligation to care for me. I don't want any heroic medical interventions or treatments that would prolong my life but reduce the quality of it. I am working on saving for my future and doing as much as possible to stay healthy. I want my kids to have no guilt if I have to go into care or they make a decision to deny medical care that inevitably will end my life. I would rather my kids pursue their dreams and make positive contributions to society than give it all up to look after me.
The system is broken in many ways, lack of personal responsibility, a desire to keep loved ones alive with extensive medical intervention, and the cost of elderly care. I don't think this situation will change and I never want my kids to have the pain, exhaustion, frustration, and destruction of their lives that caring for someone can cause.

Dying in the U.S. has become a huge profitable business industry. All the private agencies that provide care for the elderly are extremely expensive. Many families can't afford it and have to take care of their elderly at home. Even the medical establishment is part of tat industry by extending people's lives unnecessarily. They continue to perform life saving operations on people who are over 90. Just to keep them breathing for a few more months. Meantime, the savings that these people made, with hard work and much sacrifice are exhausted practically for nothing worthy, while the establishment gets richer.

I'm 89 years old. When I get seriously ill, I'll stop all my prescription medicines and will go to hospice to receive palliative care and wait to die. I do not want by any means, to have my life extended into a useless and miserable existence. My children will be spared from taking care of me. I love them too much to make them go through such punishment. They don't deserve that. Their job is to look after their own immediate families. I didn't bring them into the world to be my caregivers.

Caregiving seems to skip a generation. My mother said her grandfather was confined to a bed in their house after a stroke. When my grandfather’s health failed, she did little more than the occasional visit. Once she became unable to care for herself she expected me to leave my husband and children to care for her. I have informed my kids that, while I’d appreciate help transitioning into senior care, they must not become my caregivers. I’m scatterbrained at the best of times and I’d hate to develop dementia and abuse my wonderful kids.

I am caring for my mom in her home, going on 5 months now. It’s exhausting and the most stressful job I’ve ever had. I told my 22 year old daughter that she better never think of doing this for me. I told her to put me in a nursing home. I don’t ever want to put this burden on my child.

I had a discussion with someone the same gen as I. Went like this;

"What if I get old?"
🧐 you WILL get old (or die young & not have to worry).
"What if I can't look after myself, can't cook or clean?"
🧐 you'll get meals delivered & hire a cleaner.
"But that will cost Money!!"
🧐 Yes.
"What if I start to lose my marbles?"
🧐 Then you'll stay home as long as sensible, then move somewhere with more help.
😱😱😱
"No no no. I wouldn't want to move!! I like my home. What about my things? I have family! They will take care of me. They will have to move in & look after me".
🧐 So.. you expect family to quit their job, get no wage, leave their home, spouse, kids, pets, hobbies & move in to ensure YOUR life does not change in any way.

.... 🦗

It's a cultural thing in some cases, so that's not going away.

In other cases, it's a case of the parents failing to adequately plan for retirement. (Hint: "Saving for retirement" doesn't just mean going on cruises. It means saving for the ugly stuff.) That, too, isn't going away.

In yet other cases, it's guilt, obligation, and weird dynamics that make children of parents who didn't parent take care of them anyway. That's not going away.

And in many cases, it's considered an honor to care for one's loved ones as their lives come to a close the way they cared for us as our lives began. That was my case, and I certainly hope that doesn't go away.

In short, I don't know that it's necessarily "expected" by that many people that their children will take care of them, except perhaps the cultural scenarios. Life and "stuff" happens, and I'd guess most of us really didn't see our caregiving roles coming. What we do have is an obligation to make a better effort to prepare than our parents did if indeed they didn't prepare adequately and to make the job less onerous on our children if at all possible.

It’s wrong to take anyone for granted. Life has far too many unexpected turns to be able to plan for every eventuality. We all should be planning for ourselves while also knowing the best of plans can go awry. I’d never want my adult children to be my caregivers, but I’d sure hope they’d advocate for me if I couldn’t do it myself. And when the generation now in their early adulthood becomes more aware and involved with their aging parent’s needs, the whole system may change a lot from what we know now

i really think the boomers and early xers are gonna be the last generation that cares even as much as we do. Millennials are super angry at us as it is, and I expect this to impact Medicare and Medicaid. Having witnessed two ppl go thru at least 2m in services in two years, it’s obvious the government will not be able to sustain that.