Is it okay to try and reclaim our normal lives while SIL (53) is in hospice in our home?

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Over 1 month in hospice and she's stable physically. I feel guilty, but can't keep up the same level of attention indefinitely. We thought perhaps her passing was imminent of course because of hospice, but she continues to rally. Her mind has good days and bad, better now that some of the behavior is somewhat controlled by medications. Physically she's okay, better than she was. I was babying her and allowing every whim (but smoking) and giving up all outside activities. Checking on her constantly, sleeping on couch nearer to her. Right now I'm trying to take the weekend to let my family do most of the caregiving while I reasses her needs. We can't all be in limbo indefinitely.

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Reassessment so far a success. Fit throwing pretty much over Thank God. Hospice says people don't bounce back like she did from being comatose a few weeks ago like she was...but SHE did. I've rested and slept. I Am going to reclaim my life and she is going to still get the care needed without the hovering. It's not like I left, just backed of to a level I can still have a life and keep her safe. I can't cure her, no one can or she wouldn't be on hospice. I think it was the right call for hospice now, she's better than she's been in months and we can Give her quality of life for however long she has, at home. It helps to have support from others even from a distance, because most of you are or have been caregivers. I wasn't realizing what a heavy weight to carry this has been because everyone including doctors have said she would not be alive if I hadn't done what I did for her and continue to do with juggling her medications and advocating for her care.
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I'd like to think if I was in hospice I would enjoy seeing some of the normal rhythms of life going on around me. My colleague decided to bring her sister here to Arkansas for hospice when she was dying of cancer, and set it all up and continued to work. She even held her regular get together she does every year in January and we came and met sister who stayed up and chatted with folks as long as she had energy. You will probably know well enough when it is time to put everything else on hold and stay close. Doing that now only makes sis feel more worried and frightened.
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This helps. SIL is giving me a run for my money though. Why I know she's better, because she's having a hissy fit. Crying for me, asking to re-heat her food, taking 30 min to take a pill, even went in the bed! She's been 1000x sicker and refused to go in the bed and NOW she's answering questions and asking for the little things she doesn't care about when she's bad...she goes in the bed!:/ now I know she's better for sure and it strengthens my resolve.
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Sounds like you have your answer from Hospice and your mom telling you that you can't keep up like this. So, let hospice do their thing and you reclaim some of your own life back. There is no need for feeling guilty for something that you humanly can't do, i.e. keeping up the same level of attention indefinitely! Take yourself off of your own hook and do something nice just for you today, you deserve it, you are important and you need to recharge your emotional batteries.

Like the Nike commercial says, "Just Do It" Emotionally, it is not easy to do, but it is a needed choice.

I wish you the best as you get your emotions some rest.
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Hospice team said do it! Just feels weird. My mom is the main right now, it was her idea, she said we (espically me) can't keep up like this. SIL is literally throwing fits because my mom is strict....loving but strict. My mom don't put up with crap, not from us, not from even my granma, I could trust no one else. Lol, she's the only one who can boss me around when needed :) beginning of day 3. SIL pouting, she was causing a ruckus all night, I hate to say, but you can tell when she's REALLY out of it or not.
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Indeed!
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Han, you are very wise to reassess. You can't live in crisis mode indefinitely. Talk to the hospice providers about what a realistic level of care should look like at this point.

It sounds as though this has been an emotional and physical roller coaster for you. Get some rest!
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