Is it okay to placate or "white lie" to a dementia patient?

Skin...read it again. Boni did YOU pay the cable bill? It was one small example I came up with to explain a MILLION little things that a small lie would be easier than being asked the same things over and over again. Did you misunderstand that?

She just wanted assurance the bill was paid. So why is it a lie to say yes.

I think a white lie here and there is okay. I just go along with whatever is going on. Like Mom used to live by a protestant church. The pastor would go over there every morning b/c it was his workplace, but he wasn't having services everyday. So mom was usually sitting on her deck watching things around the neighborhood. She says to me they are having church services every morning and she expected me to agree with that statement. She is a catholic and thought everybody had church services everyday. I just went along with statements like yes they are having church services everyday.

If it bothers you to "lie," figure out what the question underneath is, and answer that. Will I be safe? Do I need to worry about money? Can you protect me from these hallucinations in my room? Can I still do what I want? - Maybe.

Great example, boni. I, too, am trying to get used to giving the answer they want to hear and fighting the urge to give the honest answer. I will try to keep your little narrative in my mind to remind me how to respond.

MIL got very upset one day because she found out her driver's license had expired. She didn't know how she was going to get down to the DMV to renew it. My husband told her they won't let her renew it right now, she's in a wheelchair. She started to get a little miffed and said, "I know they won't NOW, but when I get better they will!" So he told her when she gets better he'll take her to the DMV. That was all she wanted to hear.

@ booper, lol
when i see mom playing with the thermostat i just wait till she walks away and adjust it more to reality without her ever knowing.
@ boni, good job. keep it simple..

Yes! Go with that! In the end it doesn't really matter to her who paid the cable bill or how it got paid...she just wants to be assured it was paid.

My husband has alternating hot and cold feelings about the room temperature. He will turn the heat on to 80 or turn the air conditioning on when it's time to go to sleep and the room temperature is 75 and would probably get cooler. At first I used to try to reason with him to stick with the programmed settings, but he got agitated and had trouble getting to sleep. Now I just wait awhile until he's already asleep and turn the unit off without getting him upset.

" Boni? Did you pay the cable bill?"
No Mom, I gave it to steve, he's going to pay it out of the office.
" Why?"
Because he pays all your larger bills that way. It's better than him giving checks to you because then it counts as income for you and that's not good for when you might need medicaid.
" Why is he paying my bills?"
Because you don't have enough money mom.
"what happened to all my money?"
You spent it Mom, you just have SS now and It's not enough.
"So he pays all my bills?"
No Mom, your smaller bills come right out of your account.
" How does it come out?"
We set it up with the bank mom.
"Does the bank pay my cable bill?"
No Mom steve does.
"Why does steve pay it?".......and on and on...

OR

"Boni? Did you pay the cable bill?"
Yes Mom.

i wont lie to save my ass either. its why mom trusts me but you can just soften up the facts a bit.ie: " I " dont really think so but its possible.. i have my doubts but we can try it, anything but coming off as all knowing..