Is it okay for me to go away for a vacation? - AgingCare.com

Is it okay for me to go away for a vacation?

Follow
Share

I know everyone says caretakers need a break, but I feel guilty. I live with my 96 yr old grandmother who is in great health, and I'm blessed in that she's still very very independent and I don't have to feed her or dress her, etc., but she does fall sometimes and recently, she's been getting really confused in the evenings (might be a UTILITY -Dr's appt Mon)...I have a brother in Charlotte who hasn't been home in 2 yrs except at Christmas for 2 days, and lots of cousins who, although they're close, don't come by or even call. My mom passed away in `95 so the job`s mine. So, one set of cousins live about 15 minutes from our house (come by to take her out to dinner about once a month - they're the only ones I ever hear from except some who live out of town) have agreed to have her stay with them while I go to the beach for 6 days the week of Easter. She really likes the family and the house is on land next to where she grew up so she's practically in her back yard. And they love her do death. But I'm feeling SICK!! I know they'll take good care of her, and I can't leave her here alone, so I don't know why it making me so nervous? We can't afford to have someone stay with her here in the house which would be ideal, but I Really think once she gets there she's gonna be fine...so why then am I so anxious? I overheard her on the phone yesterday with another cousin saying "I just don't know why she feels like she needs to go off on a vacation?" And ever since, I've been feeling guiltily and guiltier...Logic tells me that if I don't take care of myself I can't take care of her, but how do I justify uprooting her so I can go to the beach? It IS IMPORTANT, right? Any help you can give in helping my brain understand that it it's not only OK,nut NECESSARY to maintain both our health, I would appreciate it. And P.S. I'm so glad to find this forum page...don't know what I didn't think of lookiING online for something like this sooner.:-}

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
12

Answers

Show:
If you don't take care of yourself, you could die before she does.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

I wanted to thank y'all for being so supportive! I went on my trip and had a FABULOUS time! Although it took me a few days to get wound down so I'm either gonna hafta grab a trip a little more frequently or it might have to be a little bit longer, LOL... But the best part is that she had such a FANTASTIC TIME - some other cousins came from Birmingham and they all just kept her totally entertained the whole week to the point that she didn't even realize that it was Friday and the day to pack up and come home. So I don't think we could have done any better than that. And for future events, she's ready and willing to go again. And the cousins where she stayed really enjoyed having her and made a big to-do about how much they enjoyed her being there so the next time I go it won't be such an ordeal for me or for her.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

She'll be fine..

When you walk out the door, don't look back.. Take a deep breath and enjoy..

Tell family not to call you..
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I would be out that door so fast you would see just a blur. When I went somewhere a couple years ago, I told my mom to her face, 'I won't be around for a few days, I'm going on a trip. Yolanda and Sheba will be in to look in on you.' And I left a list for them of things to be done and NO CALLS UNLESS MOM FALLS OVER DEAD. All that caregiving took years off my life, and mom has beat broken bones, heart attack, cancer, thyroid, and is in a state of happy dementia and good health, and shows every indication she will outlive me. So I certainly felt like I had a weekend pass from a prison when I went on my trip. (and when I got back, of course Mom didn't even know I'd been away at all! Picked up right where we had left off.)
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I've been taking care of my 94 year old mother for 10 years. She's recently had some falls, refuses to go to ER and I finally convinced her to go to urgent care. I'm switching her to a geriatric dr. Recently I had a colonoscopy done I had delayed a couple years. They found 7 very small polyps and it was a wake up call to me. The caretaker has to care for themselves too. I'm going to bring her here mid April to have my hubby watch here while I take a four day trip to visit friends in Vegas.

You gotta get a break or being a caretaker can make you sick!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Go, go, go! It's hard if you're a control freak or a perfectionist (I'm both!) to let someone take over the reins. And your grandma's comment sure didn't help. But she's living in another time and place than you are. You feel a burden taking care of her that she doesn't feel. So go and enjoy and DON'T check in unless there's a dire emergency. Have fun and let us know how it goes!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Go, dammit. We will be personally offended if you don't go. Now you can feel guilty for NOT going. And we make a lot more sense than your grandmother who is starting to have sundowner's and can't figure out why a young person does not want to spend 24 hours a day 365 days a year just taking care of them when they don't really even need it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I am leaving my mum to go on a holiday.She is newly diagnosed with dementia. I have support from other family members. The stress is overwhelming and if I dont take care of me who will take care of her?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

OMG..i wish i had any family that would come help me out look after my mom..one of the few cousins i have decided to not come over and stay after i was already half way around the world... it was disaster.. so please take them up on it and go enjoy yourself
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I am with Lassie.............planned a short trip, got a person to sit/stay/with mom; mom really likes this lady, so all good. We left. I was mortified with guilt.......WHY! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can Carol B. please answer this for us, she is the expert............pleaseeeeeeeee..........
My husband, just this afternoon says: "We are probably going cross country to PA to visit so - and - so in the fall". I said WHAT?????????????????
No, we cannot go, we cannot leave mom. NO NO NONONONONONONO.
He just looked at me puzzled.
I am puzzled...........
CHELEIGH................says: I have SUPPORT from FAMILY members.........Child, runnnnnnnnnnnnn, run like the wind.
Look at us, we got NOBODY. And the ones we got DON'T CARE. Period.
HA!
When I came back, mom said, oh, where were you, as if we had left an hour before to do groceries or something and it had been days..............
So................
R
U
N
and leave the guilt to the ones that should FEEL IT! GGGRRRRR......
m88
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions