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How can I achieve it and still be the caregiver? My mom has lived with me now for 2 1/2 years. We built on an addition to our home to accomdate her with my sisters approval. Mom has been at the point where I have had to hire a caregiver to be with her when I work outside the house. My husband has to travel in his job and sometimes he is gone 6 days a week. Here is my issue, I am feeling guilty because even though I go to work each day, I don't have interaction with people. I have had to resign from the organizations I used to belong to, can't go out with the girls once a month for dinner and all the charitable organizations I helped or sat on boards I can no longer do. I know this sounds selfish, but I get up very early in the morning to make sure mom gets breakfast and is ready for when the caregiver arrives, I come straight home from work at night and take over with dinner, cleaning up any messes that may happen and finally getting her in bed. Which I don't have to tell you sometimes is not easy. I have a sister who lives a distance away and reminds me that I had a part in this decision and now I have to live with it. She will give me husband and I a week or two for a vacation each year and then posts stuff on Facebook about how wonderful she was for doing that for us!!! With paying out for daily care I don't have any money left to pay someone in the evenings or weekends to help out so I could go to dinner with my husband or even see a movie. If I am being selfish, just tell me to put my big girl pants on and tuff it up. If I am OK to feel this way, please give me some suggestions!!!!! Thanks,

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We moved Mom to Assisted Living. First we took her for tours without telling her where we were going. She liked the free lunch but didn't want to move. After several tours, she still said NO. The community liason visited her in her home. She offered a one-month trial at half off. Mom said she would try it but she knew she would not like it. She moved in March 1st. She is having a VERY GOOD TIME and after only 3 days, says she is staying there.
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How about getting a housekeeper also so you don't have to face the mess when you get home? Plus ask the caregiver to stay a little longer so you can go out once a month with your friends? Also, I'm thinking that you feel obligated to keep on care giving for your mother, especially if you used HER money to add onto your house. How much of that comes from thinking your mother ought to be getting her money's worth from you? If that is the case, then did neither you nor your sister factor in the idea that mom may have to eventually go into some sort of care facility when you BOTH agreed on adding onto your home? I think you need to ask yourself what is driving you to keep on care giving for mom.
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