My EX wife was recently Paralyzed.. We had not split up yet and gone our ways though yet..So apparently I became her caregiver...I asked her case worker if I am 100% and the reply was "I can't tell you that you need a lawyer" but forgot she told me I was 6d prior.. so with that being said. I've been doing this for about 8 months now.. I'm losing my mind... I work full time still. We have a 9 year old daughter, 2 pets, and recently our roof started leaking (just what I needed) AND I hurt my back bad a week ago; helping her and now I'm feeling major pain (had 4 surgery 7 years prior). So I'm struggling hard to keep up with the daily routines for her. I'm barely able to sleep, I'm falling apart... So.. She doesn't want to go into nursing home or facility...So doesn't want to go into hospital... She is pretty much just waiting to die it feels like. Obviously it's probably not like that but it feels like that to ME. Her family won't come to get her... they did say they would take her but I have to get her there.. when I did the math it would cost about 3k to transport her with all her equipment...I need help WHAT DO I DO... How do I get out of this. I'm scared... I asked for help from her family, 2 hospitals, and case worker and no one can do anything without her giving the ok to do it herself.. once again. PLEASE anyone with any sort of solution please please please reply. I'm begging this is hardest thing ever...
APS won't be remotely interested.
I guess CPS might be!
Since you found 40 gallons of vodka hidden all over the house, that could be a major red flag when it comes to custody. If it were me, I would remove that child from the house until better arrangements are made for your ex-wife and her recovery.
You don't give your location so I can't look anything up for you; but if you Google something like "support for families of people with disabilities in [your town]" it should throw out a few suggestions.
The point being, of course, that you do not need your wife's consent to get support for yourself and your daughter.
Especially your daughter. Sheesh. 9 years old and living through this. Poor little poppet.
Best of luck, give it a try.
Any family of hers that is speaking to you? You need at least ONE person in your corner.
There are funds available for the truly destitute, which she may or may not be. I think an hour's consult with an attorney would be a priority.
Then you need to get HER family on board. And you need to be able to walk away.
$3K seems a small amount to regain your life...and it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE HER AND MOVE HER. If her family will not, you will have to do an ER 'dump' and state that she has nowhere to go and then she's the state's problem.
As far as what she 'wants'--she pretty much blew that when she chose to drink herself into a coma like state.
DO see an attorney.
DON'T spend all of your own money trying to fix her. You can't.
DO see a family counselor with your daughter.
Hang in there--it can be OK.
Like i said im completely confused...the "spinning" comment is only thing that makes sense...
Really Big thing would be. how do i get out of being a caregiver... where im not legally responsible and i can say "walk away"
You have an EX wife but you were living with her, and she suddenly became paralyzed?
What is her diagnosis.
You are of course going to have to care for your daughter and her pets; your responsibility. A divorced wife isn't your responsibility. You will have to give her your move out date.
And yes, JoAnn is correct. You need a Lawyer now. You will have to report your wife as a person at risk to Adult Protective Services, so she can receive care. Make it clear of course that even were you WILLING to care for your wife, you are physically unable to do so.
Good luck. Hard to know where to start with this, but you are going to need solid legal professional advice. When a careworker says to you "I cannot tell you to get a lawyer, BUT.............." they are telling you "You need a Lawyer".
"So apparently I became her caregiver...I asked her case worker if I am 100% and the reply was "I cant tell you that you need a lawyer" but forgot she told me I was 6d prior."
Who cares for your wife when ur working? What will happen to ur daughter? Will she go with mom or stay with you?
If wife "needs all this equipment" do her relatives know how much care she needs. They may not want to do it once she is there. But if they are willing, then borrow that 3k and get her to them. Or rent an RV and you drive her there.
You need a lawyer to map out how this divorce will go. Now she is disabled you maybe responsible for alimony? Besides child support if you do not get custody. Has your wife filed for Social Security Disability? If she hasn't worked long enough for that there is SSI which is a supplimental income. SSD comes with Medicare and Medicaid. SSI comes with Medicaid. With both her medical bills will be paid. These are things you need to ask a lawyer. A divorce in your situation will not be so cut and dried. Hope she wants it as much as you do.
God Bless You
You certainly need to FIND out who has LEGAL responsibility for her. “Apparently” isn’t necessarily a reason for assuming responsibility, especially if your wife’s condition doesn’t have a cognitive component.
If she is cognitively intact, she can make her decisions for herself, but cannot necessarily expect you to fund her lifestyle.
You have provided some personal details of your situation that actually don’t have much to do with getting the answers you need. Is there someone whom you know and trust who can help you develop a succinct description of what has happened to her, the LEGAL STATUS of your relationship, what she will need in the future, and who may OR MAY NOT be responsible for her financially?
With those facts established, you can begin addressing your issues one by one. What you are doing right now is something I refer to as “spinning”, and is both uncomfortable and unhelpful.
If you can’t afford a lawyer’s fee, you will need to determine what legal resources may be available to you at reduced rates or potentially at no cost.
Take a deep breath, focus on simplifying g your FACTS into a “short list”, then search out your legal help.
MANY OF US have been faced with problems comparable to yours, and you WILL get through this and get to the other side of it.