My mother is 77 and extremely co-dependent of me. I am her only caregiver and I have to work to support myself. When I'm not at work (40 hours per week) I am subject to guilt trips and negativity as she is lonely and doesn't have anything to do. I have left my dogs with her for a period of time to possible solve this issue however she is not one to listen and takes them out to much and since she is not very stable in walking has managed to break both arms at different times over a 1 year period. Therefore, I don't leave the dogs with her anymore but she is jealous when I am home that I have dog company. She jealous if I receive a phone call from a friend. Mobility is very limited with her as she refuses to use a cane or walker and prefers to hang onto me which is one of the main reasons I don't feel comfortable taking her anywhere and yet she wants to go ALL THE TIME. After working a rather complex and stressful job I just want to go home. I'm tired. I have my own responsiblities...laundry, dishes, house cleaning, linen changing etc. I've made several attempts to explain to her that I have a load covering her responsibilities (groceries, medications, bills, etc) and then meeting my needs that I can't be responsible for making her happy and entertained. There's no time for myself and as I get older (48 now) it gets harder and harder to meet the load I am caring. My mother does not have 1oz. of responsibiltiy in her body. All family member have past away at this time which leave me to handle the caregiving alone. I run daily at 120% responsibility no fun is even in my vocabulary. Yet the negativity and guilt trips and jealousy I have to deal with daily due to her being miserable is really taking it's tole on me. I've been reponsible for her since I was 16 years old. She is not in the best of health as she has heart failure. How do I have time for myself to live my life and keep her occupied? My life is more than half over and yet I haven't had the chance to live my life without guilt trips and negativity from her that I don't do enough? I give all that I have to her. There's nobody in my life because it causes so many problems trying to meet friends needs and her that I can't handle it and I have to let my friends go. I've been married twice and both times my marrage has failed and I have nothing to give when I am done with her. I have also provided her with a new computer (which she does no how to use), big screen TV, cable and I have even bought her a Kindle thinking she could fine somehow to entertain herself but there's no motovation for her to do anything but complain in self pitty. Does anyone have any advise? I am desperate. Thanks for listening.
It depends on your definition of " I won't drive my kids insane with my need to have a close relationship with them every day of my life." Just how close is close enough before it starts to feel like a parent to child relationship instead of an adult to adult relationship.
If you are looking to return to some sort of childhood closeness, that is gone.