My father refuses to see a doctor. I have POA for both financial and medical. What are my obligations to make sure he sees a doctor? - AgingCare.com

My father refuses to see a doctor. I have POA for both financial and medical. What are my obligations to make sure he sees a doctor?

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Overall, he is very healthy for a 93 year old. He has some problems moving around, can't hear too good, has a cataract, none of which he wants treated. But this cancer on his head is starting to get infected and smell. He doesn't smell anything bad because he won't take a bath and so he stinks anyway, but that is another question.

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GM: Good for you. I'm glad to hear back from you and I'm proud of you for taking the bull by the horns, so to speak. Stay on him and don't let him call the shots. Good job!!! Hugs, Cattails.
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Luckily, I live in a big city and found Mobile Doctors, a doctor who will come to the house. I kind of sprung it on him on the day they showed up. The doc said the sore looked VERY suspicious and I should get a dermatologist. So, I found a dermatologist and made the appointment, and when the time came to go, he said he wasn't going to go. I had to threaten him that I would leave that very afternoon if he didn't go. He relented and we have a biopsy scheduled for May 30. He is on 325 aspirin a day, so it couldn't be done that day. I feel much better now. Thank you all for your suggestions and support.
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You shouldn't even have to ask since you have control of everything. You just make sure he gets to the doctor even if you have to trick him. Take him to the ER if nothing else.
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OK, so what you want is for your father to have medical care. Doesn't your dad have Medicare to cover some of the medical costs? If so, then the biggest issue is that getting him medical care goes against his wishes.

You could call your local social services department and explain your dad's situation. They may be able to put you in touch with a home health provider. You could also contact your local area on aging and talk to someone who works with elderly people and understands the difficulties you face in trying to do the best thing for your dad.

I don't see any way you can get him medical care with out making him angry. Is it possible for you to explain that his choices put you in a moral situation that you are not comfortable with?

There is a very wise person on this site. He name is Jeannie Gibbs. I'm going to send her a post and ask her to comment on your situation. She gives great advise.

In the meantime, tell me if your dad has medicare, etc.
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I would like to get a physician to come to the house, but I don't know of that happening anymore. My biggest fear is him feeling betrayed by doing that. He just hates the idea of paying a doctor what they are asking (and sometimes I have to pay it because he won't. That has already happened in the last 3 years).
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Gina: What do you think you should do?
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I live with him. He doesn't have a doctor. Refuses to see one and has always been this way. The cancer isn't diagnosed, but I have seen skin cancer before and this is it. I'm sure he is depressed. He has no friends and never goes anywhere. He says he doesn't want to go anywhere except for a car ride every once in a while.
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I am assuming that your dad lives alone. Are you close by and able to help him? Since he no longer baths and refuses treatment for a cataract, that is easily and successfully treated, I wonder if he is in mental decline and just afraid that once he leaves his home he won't be able to come back.

You know your dad's history. Has he always been this way. Does he seem of sound mind to you?

Your dad may have a skin cancer that can be treated successfully also. It seems a shame to let it progress. Maybe he can't smell it, but I would think he could feel it.

It seems wise to call your state social services department or area on aging and get some input. You have POA for him and you could call his doctor to get advise. You seem to understand that it is a cancer on his head, so I assume it has been diagnosed?

I respect the right of an elder to not want to take steps to prolong their life, but in your dad's case, I would wonder about his ability to make common sense decisions and the possibility of you being held responsible for letting him go without treatment.

Hopefully, you will get many comments here and they will be more informative that my thoughts.

Ideally, it would be best to take him to his doctor and have some in home care for him. Best wishes, Cattails.
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