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For years my mom lived alone in her home, in a different state than me. We had the help of a home care agency on a very part time basis. I flew there several times a year, called her everyday and was in touch with her caregivers and doctors on a regular basis. My sister and her adult son lived about 15 minutes away and never once set foot on her doorstep. Not for birthdays, no holidays, not to take her for a short walk on a sunny day, nothing. There was never a card in the mail or sticky note on the door. Now that my mother's health is deteriorating and my husband and I sacrificed a lot of our own time and finances to work tirelessly to move her to our state, get her stabilized, get her home cleaned and sold, now I'm getting phone calls and texts requesting information about my mom from the estranged family members. She moved her 5 months ago and the only reason they even noticed is because now there is a "sold" sign in front of her home. I do not feel like I should have to update them on her condition and how everything has progressed in the last few years. I'm her POA as well as her trustee and I am doing everything by the letter of the law where her finances are concerned. My family and I, husband, children and in-laws are the people in my mom's life and always have been there for her since my father passed away. She has dementia and Parkinson's and needs a lot of love and care and attention and after everything I've been through I do not have the time nor the desire to have to explain anything to anyone who chose to abandone their loved one for years but now "want answers". Am I wrong? I just don't know how to respond because I'm certain they don't want to know how I really feel about them.

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You aren't wrong, but it isn't smart either. Send a brief email to every sibling with details of move, where Mom is located. Say that the house sale proceeds are for Mom's care. Then state that you are very busy, if they want any more details please visit Mom. Then say your grateful for the interest, and could really use their help. Ask them how will they help with Mom's care, money, respite etc. Ask for details and firm commitments. Keep a copy for when they try to take you to court.

On a personal level give up the hate. Try to keep love in your heart, concentrate on love of Mom, and forget the siblings. I struggle every day with the hate, as they come back from their week vacations, and think 2 hours a week when convenient is a help. It just sucks the joy out of living. Good luck I think you are a wonderful loving person. I hope life rewards you with much happiness.
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I like kathy's idea of a short email to cover your butt later. I wonder if she'll back off once she knows that the money is in trust, solely for the care of your mom. You're already keeping good records of spending for your mom, and making paper copies (and saving to thumbdrive) of all emails. I'm sorry you're dealing with this nonsense on top of the real things in your life.
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I would agree - its not what you are obligated to do, but what will keep you out of hot water. Give them unequivocal evidence that everything is on the up and up and confirm that yes, Mom has a progressive condition and is not going to get better, and will need lifelong care which needs to be funded. They can read between the lines that they missed their chance to be involved in providing support, and hopefully realize that in middle class families, getting an actual inheritance is a pretty rare event nowadays.
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First off, you sound like a great daughter.

No, you're not wrong. You know why they're concerned? The house was sold. It's about the $$$$$$. I would get copies of those texts and let your mother's lawyer know what is going on. I also would record(yes that's right record) any phone conversations. Find out if that is legal in CO first, or whatever state you're in.

They're horrible people, as soon as you said "sold the house"...that's there concern. Of course they don't want to know how you or your mom are, they're concern is where is that money from the sale.

Best of luck.
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Despite your differences, other children (in my opinion) are entitled to know. You might send the briefest of messages that Mom's health is deteriorating with age and she now lives closer to you so you can keep an eye on her.

The energy of contemplating this question just gives you more negative energy. Make it brief and quick and move on with mom's care.
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I think the idea of a brief email is a good idea, if shows proof that they were kept in the loop. But I would leave out the part about you being grateful they show an interest. Because they don't.

You tell them how busy you are, you can mention that the sale of the house is going towards mom's care, and you say any help they could provide would be appreciated(that's usually enough with these types to get them to back off).

And I am serious about recording phone calls if that is legal in your state, but that I mean recording without them knowing they're being recorded.

I know of case that went to court over a will dispute and the caregiver recorded her brother(unknown to him) saying he didn't care if the sister took mom out in the backyard and shot her(lovely isn't it), but it was proof and horrified the judge.

When you're dealing with scum, you have to be on the ball.
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Your answers are so spot on and have really helped me today!! I just realized that my profile still says my mom lives with us. We recently moved her to a wonderful assisted living nearby and she is very happy. It provides us the opportunity to see her daily, take her on walks, bring her favorite snacks and gives us peace of mind. I visit her each day and so does my family. I help her shower, do her hair and take her to doctor visits. She visits our home too but honestly she likes her place so much she makes me promise her, often that I will not make her move from there. It is not out of the question that she may come to live with us again some day but right now I felt that she is in a very happy and safe environment.
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I'm in a similar boat with my non-existent sister. 6 visits in the last 15 years! When sis realized I was going to give up mom's rent controlled NY apartment, she was livid. I asked her if she wanted it. She did. She wanted to keep it without paying the rent or utilities and life doesn't work that way. Now she's upset and not speaking to me, so basically, no change in our relationship. I told her mom was in a NH. I gave her the address and phone numbers. I told her I had to give up the apartment and dispose of the stuff, which she knew I'd have to do. She kept making promises, but never lifted a finger to help. If I were you, I'd be so tempted to ask sis why she was so interested now, but had never previously lifted a finger to help her mom. I'm sorry to say she doesn't sound like a very nice person and I'm sorry you have lost her, as I have lost my selfish sister.

You don't owe her anything. Use your discretion. If she's poison, protect your mother from her. If she's just harmless and selfish, you can give her your mom's contact info, but you might want to first ask mom if she wants to hear from your sister. I did, and I was surprised when my mother said no. Either way, you are NOT wrong. Thank God your mother has someone like you in her life.
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As a general rule it is in a mother's best interests to have contact with her children. Your mother has a right to see your sister if she wants to and if your sister ever gets round to shifting her backside. How hard you have to try to achieve that contact is a different matter, and it is also true that since you are responsible for her welfare you are also responsible for protecting her from abuse.

But your mother's money is tucked away safely for her care, your own management of her affairs is thoroughly documented, and your mother is well supervised in her place of residence, yes? So even if one were correct in taking the more jaundiced view of your sister's motives that some posters have, the opportunities your sister would have for abuse are really very limited - you've done a good job of ensuring your mother's safety and quality of life.

I expect your sister did want to know where the money went; and while it's not a noble motive it's not an unreasonable one either. On top of that, it is perfectly possible for her to care about both what happened to the money and at the same time, even vaguely, what has become of your mother. Your sister's feelings towards her are, would you agree, pretty mixed? Which means there are good ones as well as others in there, worth fostering as far as you reasonably can.

So leave a door open for your sister to visit, provide her with information on a need to know basis, and update her when you can be bothered. That way, if there is any possibility for a happy ending in your mother and sister's relationship, you will have facilitated it and that is the best you can do.

But for goodness' sake don't make your sister your problem. She knows where you are and she speaks the language - any time she wants to ask something she can always pick up the phone, can't she?
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Thanks to all of you for the terrific advice and support! I wanted to give an update on the sister threatening to file guardianship. I felt, at this point, it was necessary to consult with a trust attorney to make sure I'm handling this correctly. I hated to spend the money but I think it is very important. I met with him and he was great. I learned so much about everything I need to be doing to make sure mom's money and assets are protected. He also contacted my sister by phone. He said he will be her point of contact and offered to make arrangements for my mom to call her. She acknowledged that but of course the main topic of conversation was my mom's estate. She played the victim and never addressed the fact that she chose to neglect my mother for years. He said her main concern was that she was going to get ripped off of any inheritance. He had to keep reminding her that the trust is for my mom's benefit as long as she is alive and no one else gets the money until the time she passes on. She didn't really ask about my mom's health or much of anything about her, it was all about the trust and could she get a copy. She said I had kept secrets and had done everything without her knowledge. Once again blaming me for her choice to stay away. What's funny is, I thought it would really bother me but at this point I really don't care what she thinks and knowing that she has to go through him gives me great relief. After spending several hours with my mom today, doing her hair, taking her to a doctor appointment and tucking her back in to bed when we got home, I realize that is where my focus needs to be and not on this petty junk and drama! I'm glad I found this forum and bless you all.
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