So what would you do in this situation? We are sure there is no right or wrong answer, just trying to not overstep our bounds.

Maybe he was a child abuser. Niceness does not mean goodness. My FIL was a child abuser and did bad things to his many wives and if you talked to him in casual conversation you would never guess how evil he really is. Feel free to exchange pleasantries with him but don't get involved in trying to contact his daughter.

It's a sad situation for the gentleman, of course, but it's also inappropriate for the SNF staff to be discussing this matter with you at all. Nobody knows the facts surrounding why this daughter 'rarely visits', but does come when there is an issue to deal with. It's a one-sided story which leaves no room for the daughter's side of things, and that's not fair.

If I were in your shoes, I'd steer clear of calling the daughter, as this gentleman is requesting, b/c he can make that call himself, in reality. There could be dementia at play here as well, for all you know.

It's nice that you befriended this man and that he gets to spend some quality time with you when you visit your loved one. I think we all do what we feel in our hearts is right, and what we WANT to do for our loved ones in managed care, based on a multitude of criteria. I visited my parents at the IL, then AL, then MC at least once a week, and more often when they were passing or needed me for various reasons. I'm sure some would say that wasn't enough, while others would say it was too much, and yet others would say it was just right. All that really matters is what WE ourselves feel is right in our hearts, without 'guilt' playing a role in our decision-making processes. What others feel is irrelevant.

I'm sorry you were put in an awkward situation. Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

There was an elderly male relative of mine who was avoided by almost everyone in the family because he should have been put in jail at least 3 times for lewd and perverted behavior, not to mention an indictment over illegal business acts when he was younger (his employer paid off the police). I went to the funeral and got "the glare" from 3 of his friends. One of them marched up and informed me angrily that at least SHE cared about him even if his family didn't. She had no idea how dangerous he'd been.

Also, an in-law died recently and the praises at his obituary made him seem like a wonderful person. "A great golf partner," "a good husband," etc. Did these people know he'd been married and dumped 6 out of 7 times for bad behavior? That he screamed and yelled at his outstanding and attractive kids over nothing, bringing them to tears in public, ensuring their need for psych treatment now? That he cut them out of his will entirely because they hadn't spoken to him in years? Both of these jerks were charming. You'd never know.

I'd leave this old guy alone except for exchanging a few words if encountering him in the hall. I certainly would never invite him to my home or contact his daughter. You don't know what else may be going on in her life, either.

His daughter could be ignoring his social needs.

Her father may be an abuser and she has ensured his safety and walked away.

That is none of your business.

Perhaps you could say something like “Sorry she’s so terribly busy. But we’re here now for a visit...” and strike up a conversation.

I’m glad you’ve befriended this gentleman, how kind of you! If it were me, I’d never contact his daughter, she’s made her decisions for reasons of her own, right or wrong. But what you’re doing is such a kindness and gift to him, I hope you’ll continue, he’s blessed that you care

Don't get involved with his daughter. No good can come of it. You don't know the story and don't need to. You can just be nice to him and maybe encourage him to get involved in doing things at the NH. If he makes some friends, if possible, and has a little fun maybe he can stop focusing on his daughter.

You don’t know their story, and it’s best not to interfere, imho, in a situation you know nothing about. The daughter doesn’t owe strangers her side of the story, and there is always more than one side, to every story.

There are various reasons why people are not visited in hospitals, nursing homes, jails, etc.

You have no idea what the story is regarding their relationship. Nor do you know how busy the daughter is in her day to day life. Her schedule may be bursting at the seams.

Ultimately, it is the daughter’s decision whether to visit or not. She hasn’t abandoned him. She tends to his need’s when the staff calls.

Yes, it is a sad situation for him and others who are lonely but I would not call his daughter and stir the pot.

I can understand why you are questioning this matter. I would feel as if I were intruding in the daughter’s life if I called her.

His daughter is entitled to her privacy regarding her feelings and actions.

Be satisfied that you are reaching out and making a difference in his life.

Not sure how to tell him no, you can't do this for him. Seems the staff has tried, but the daughter never comes. You would be overstepping here. You really do not know them or anything about their relationship. She will not appreciate ur call. Maybe say that to him "Sorry, I cannot do this for you. Don't think your daughter would like hearing from a stranger".

It is sad. Some people don't deserve this and others so do. Getting involved in other peoples lives is not always a good thing. Look at one poster who helped a neighbor with her computer a few times. Then the neighbor was banging on her door daily. The poster wanted to know how to handle the woman. You find u have gotten too involved and how do u get out of it without hurting someone. Better, u not get involved. You can be nice to him. Let him enjoy joining in on your conversations. Maybe bring him cookies for Christmas. You can be kind without getting involved.

"Hello. How's your day?"

That's it. That's the boundary.