She fell at home and i callef rescue shr seemed mixed up. She had uti and then they put her in nursing home she has demtia. They kept saying she come home and didnt happen. I been so stressed out i ended up with heart attack at hospital myself. They wont let her come home said house was not fit. Ive made all kinds of changes to home. Social worker was helping then she backed out said she would not help any more. Ive always lived at home in the apartment down stairs. Now im going to lose everything because of the bills for her care. Even if she needed to go to nurseing home and the house was sold , the place she stays at should be my choice not a strangers. The house is paid for and my mother was doing great at home with me. Because she has demtia they are keeping her. They act like there is nothing i can do because dr signed over her care to them. Now since living in this place her first week there she broke her hip, recently fractured her shoulder and has staples above her eye where she hit her head. This place is not taken very good care of her at all. When i visit mom wants to come home with me and gets very upset. What can i do to bring mom home? Why is this allowed? Why are they taking our home, my mom wanted me to have the house when she died. Why cant i pay her bills.

"They act like there is nothing i can do because dr signed over her care to them."A Doctor, IMO, does not have this right. For the Nursing Home to get this right it needs to go before a Judge and a guardian is set up. Moms house is a exempt asset under Medicaid Law. You being a longtime resident should be a factor. If you are paying out of pocket for Moms care because she does not have the money, you can apply for Medicaid, The Nursing home cannot take Moms house. What they are saying is its an " unsafe discharge". There is so much involved here, you do need to see an Elder Lawyer.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
KNance72 Feb 27, 2024
She definitely Needs some legal advice .
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It sounds as though your mother is now in State guardianship and her care has legally been taken from you through the courts.

I am sorry for this, but as I know you know, we here can have no idea of any of the details of your unique and complicated case.

You are, unfortunately going to need an attorney. I understand the expense of such a thing. Call APS and ask them for guidance. Explain how long you have lived in the home caring for your mother.

I wish you the very best. I hope you find support to guide you and let you know your options, but we unfortunately on Forum see many children who stayed home/moved home caring for parents end up homeless, jobless, and without any job history.
Good luck. My heart goes out to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

I'm going to echo NeedHelpWithMom's questions and add a few more.

Are you mom's POA? You state that you feel where your mom goes should be your choice, but legally, unless you are her POA, unfortunately you don't get the input because you will not be consulted to speak for your mother. You mention that mom has dementia - has she been deemed non-competent/no longer able to make her own decisions? If she is no longer able to make her own decisions, who is legally designated to speak for her? Have you requested a new social worker for your mother? The social worker at the nursing home is there to see to the interests of the Nursing Home and the residents interests AT the nursing home. They aren't likely going to be invested in helping her come home.

As NeedHelp mentioned - you may need an elder attorney. Is your name on the deed of the house? There are caregiver clauses around Medicaid exemptions(in the event that you kept her OUT of a SNF for a number of years) - but those would have to be in place - so if you qualify for that- an attorney would be able to answer that.

It does sound like your mother needs the additional care that a SNF provides, especially with your own health issues. It sounds like they are keeping her for more just dementia. Typically people CAN live at home with dementia, if the home is considered safe. And your mother's reaction to want to come home is VERY typical - everyone almost universally wants to go home.

If you feel that the facility is negligent or unsafe - that is one thing. Falls happen - whether they are home or in a 24/7 care facility. No one is watching them every minute no matter where they are - and falls cannot be prevented no matter what. AND they are guaranteed to increase with dementia.

As far as bringing her home - that would definitely be something you would have to look into with an elder care lawyer. It might take a number of steps and frankly - it might be better to consider looking for another placement rather than bringing her home.

As to the rest - it might be better for you to consider your own future at this point. Entirely too many people pin their future on inheriting a home and don't anticipate the need to sell that house to cover their parent's care. And if she is the sole owner of the house (on paper - because legally that is all that matters) and she is in a nursing home and goes on Medicaid - the house will likely have to be sold to pay the bill.

At this point - your best option is to consult an elder attorney to see what recourse you have.
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Reply to BlueEyedGirl94

Also Go to Your Senators office and file a complaint against them . medicare is Under a Federal agencies jurisdiction . They will be able to help you at the Senators office . I have filed complaints with Senator Elizabeth Warrens office in the Past and they can get the ball rolling .
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Reply to KNance72

Can you answer a few questions, maybe we can help you better? Are there any other family members involved, or is it just you and your mom? Did you have POA over your mother? If not, who did if anyone? Were you paying the bills for the house, or helping mom pay the bills? Were you co-owner of mom's checking account which enabled you to write the checks to pay the various utility bills?

as far as I know, you have rights to stay in that home because you are a child and a caregiver, but the house is going to have to be maintained. Who is paying for your mother's care now? Who is applying her for Medicaid if needed, who is controlling where her SS checks are going to. Was there a court hearing? Have you visited a lawyer? I think you need an attorney's help here. If you can answer some of these questions, maybe we can advise a little more.
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Reply to mstrbill

Go To your Social Service Office And Ask To Speak With Someone . See If They Can Get You a Low Income Attorney / Elder Attorney and Have The House Placed in a Trust . Ask For a Social Worker To Help You With Elder Services and getting services Into The House . ( Grocery Shopping , Cleaning , Certified Nurse Assistant For Bathing ) They Have No right To Keep your Mom . Contact Her Doctor - Do You Have Heath Care Proxy ? If Not Go To Internet And You Can Find a Healthcare Proxy Form - Go into Nursing Home Have 2 Witnesses Watch As Your Mom Signs The Health Care Proxy . Then You Ask To Speak With Whom Ever Is Running The Facility Or Is in Charge . Does Your Mother Have any Health Insurance ? Such as ObamaCare Or Medicare ? Tell The Head Person at NH You are Reporting Them To Medicare For Keeping your Mother against Her Will and For Neglect . Often Times When You Threaten Them They Dont Want To Be Reported To Medicare . No NH has the right to keep a person against their will especially since she Has a HOME and a PERSON to take care of them . Your civil rights are being Violated . Have her Doctor write a script for In home Physical therapy 4 times a week and a VNA Nurse to come in weekly . Have your Doctor make a referral to a Neurologist for a cognitive exam . Has any Doctor at this facility tested her for cognitive Impairment or done a MRI Brain scan to prove that she has dementia ? ( I Highly Doubt it . ) ........ Ask Them for this proof - they won't Have it . You have every right to take your Mom Out of that Place . just make sure you have the PT appointments set up and the VNA Nurse. Elder services can help you get in a CNA . Do you have any relatives with you to go to the Nursing home to retrieve your Mom ? Threaten them with exposing them and reporting them to Medicare . they hate being reported for ABUSE . This is abuse and they are taking advantage of her Insurance . Once you get mom Home and she can get to the bank have her give you power of attorney - you can get that form Off the computer and Have 2 witnesses at the bank sign it and your Mom. Next when you get the elder attorney have the house Placed in the trust and a Will done that you are the beneficiary . Screw the Bills she was being held against her will and taken advantage of . Contact the Nursing home Ombudsman - every NH Has one and report this abuse . The nursing home has no right to take your home . Do You have any one to go with you to the Nursing home ? All you do is say " I am bringing my Mother home she does not belong here and if Not I am reporting you to medicare for neglect and abuse . " Once they discharge your Mother - I usually order a LYFT and someone can help me Lift the person . She May have dementia due to the UTI But she doesnt belong there and they have no Right to keep her there . You can also report this abuse to the propublicas Journalists . Stay strong .
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to KNance72
JoAnn29 Feb 27, 2024
Trusts cannot be gotten if the person is on the verge of needing Medicaid.
Contact an elder attorney and tell them your concerns.

I am sorry that you are having such trouble.

It sounds like your mother needs a lot of help and the nursing home is the best place for her. Be her advocate. Speak with the head nurse about your concerns.

What aren’t they doing for her?

Do you have a job? What are you planning to do for your own future?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

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