Looks like NH is going to send my Mom out whether I can cope with her or not. Any advice?


Today we had a family meeting at NH for mom. Two weeks ago I was told that my mother could not be alone due the type of stroke she had, and has impulse control issues, and that she would not be able to be without a wheelchair. I told the home that I can not handle my mothers issues at home anymore, can't make the home wheelchair accessible, and am not going to have to worry about aides showing up for work, so mom was going to have to stay in the NH. Now today it seems they believe she can be unsupervised, and will get strong enough to not need the wheelchair. How does the brain damage from a stroke get miraculously cured, so there are no impulse problems? This I don't understand. I feel like they are tired of fooling with my mom and she is aggrevating them to the point that they have become as tired of it as I am, so they are going to release her. They told me she has not been declared incompetent, so does not have to stay there against her will, and that my father can sign her out. Could someone help me understand this.

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Make it very clear to the NH that neither you nor your father can care for her. You are living in their house and of course they expect you to pick up the pieces. It's not working for you and you should move out to save your own sanity and your husband's as well.
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Is your mother in a rehab facility, or a transitional care unit? Often these are housed in a nursing home, but are separate facilities. Medicare will pay for rehab services for a certain length of time, and then the patient must be discharged or pay our of her own pocket. The patient can be discharged to a private home, assisted living, a nursing home, or whatever arrangements the family and patient make. If the patient goes to another care center, Medicare does not cover that.

If your mother is not incompetent, then she can make her own decisions about staying or leaving. Competent adults can make their own decisions, even very unwise decisions!

Except when there is some kind of police order or court order involved, care centers cannot hold competent adults against their will. They could not legally stop your father from taking her out.

From what I've heard, stroke recovery varies a great deal from person to person. Perhaps your mother has recovered faster and to a greater extent that the evaluation of 2 weeks expected. Perhaps that earlier evaluation was wrong. Perhaps the current evaluation is wrong. Time will tell, I guess.

Are your parents living in your house? Are you living in their house? Can Dad take care of Mom. You cannot control their decisions about nursing home placement, but you can control your own decisions. That includes how much care you will provide for her.
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