Is a nursing home the right choice?


I am rethinking the choice I made putting my mom in the nursing home. She just seems like she got even worse. We keep a very close eye on her body as we check her arms and legs for any sign of abuse. My sister questions the medication, and even had one removed because it makes her very loopy.

But it seems she just got worse when she got there. She seems to be losing her sight and just stares in to space. She still recognises us. But she talks of things that are not real, sees things that are not there.

I cry almost every day now that I see her. I try not to. We try not mentioning any of our siblings, because besides my sister and I no one goes to see her. Two siblings are out of state, but the other 2 that are here, only my brother has seen her once by himself (it is a whole other difficult story in itself).

My mom is extremely ill. She has congestive pulmory disease, congestive heart failure (she has a pacemaker/difribulator), has gall stones, gastrointestinal disease, and I know is close to the end of her life.

I just can't help feeling guilty that I just made things worse by putting her in there. But she couldn't be alone anymore. I work every weekday, my sister was working too then and does a lot of self-employment things, my other siblings are not close. We can't afford help, and the goverment assistance only pays so much.

It was causing me extreme stress. But now I still have stress (though not as much) and guilt.

I apolgize, I guess it isn't a question more then venting. I am just so sad how ill my mother has gotten.

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I totally understand the feelings you are experiencing. It is soooo hard to watch your loved one go through the difficulties of the aging process.

Some nursing homes can be an entirely appropriate venue for some and unfortunately, as you are experiencing, the absolute worse for others.

I have a suggestion. Here in Florida, hospice organizations have become very aggressive in pursing new patients. Hospice is not just about imminent death anymore. I have, the past 12 months, witnessed hospice take all kinds of cases I never would have expected them to in the past. "Palliative Care" is the new buzzword in the field and fortunately for many, the term covers a broad spectrum of situations.

Call and check out a few in your area. Ask them to do an assessment of her. Some are hospital based and she will get much, much better care. Others are free standing, beautifully done, and of course, she will get much better care there as well.

She really is to ill for assisted living and it seems home is simply not an option. Hospice might be your best bet.
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Yes It is sad to see and visit someone in a nursing home. I would very much agre., if you speak to the head nurse or doctor--you can perhaps get Hospice in, as they offer support to all family members, as well as to give you some piece of mind on every level-spiritually, and emotionally. They are very good, and would NOT waste any time bringing them it is a win-win situation for ALL. I had this organization to help with my Mom's care, and cannot say enough good things about them.
Best to all~
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Thank you both for your answers. I am a bit confused though. Do you think I should as the Nursing Home for their Hospice - professional, expert, room? - or is Hospice aside from the nursing home? She is in the nursing home now; I just feel she is deteriorating rather quickly from when she was at home.
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I've sent my grandfather for his can explain it?
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