I am rethinking the choice I made putting my mom in the nursing home. She just seems like she got even worse. We keep a very close eye on her body as we check her arms and legs for any sign of abuse. My sister questions the medication, and even had one removed because it makes her very loopy.
But it seems she just got worse when she got there. She seems to be losing her sight and just stares in to space. She still recognises us. But she talks of things that are not real, sees things that are not there.
I cry almost every day now that I see her. I try not to. We try not mentioning any of our siblings, because besides my sister and I no one goes to see her. Two siblings are out of state, but the other 2 that are here, only my brother has seen her once by himself (it is a whole other difficult story in itself).
My mom is extremely ill. She has congestive pulmory disease, congestive heart failure (she has a pacemaker/difribulator), has gall stones, gastrointestinal disease, and I know is close to the end of her life.
I just can't help feeling guilty that I just made things worse by putting her in there. But she couldn't be alone anymore. I work every weekday, my sister was working too then and does a lot of self-employment things, my other siblings are not close. We can't afford help, and the goverment assistance only pays so much.
It was causing me extreme stress. But now I still have stress (though not as much) and guilt.
I apolgize, I guess it isn't a question more then venting. I am just so sad how ill my mother has gotten.