Why are NH staff so disrespectful?

I feel so bad for those of you who are in "bad" care facilities. My mom has been in a dem/alz. facility for 6 years and I must say it is one of the good ones (north Texas area). A new co. bought out the old one and although I have seen some changes as in a lot of the staff that I loved and trusted have moved on or been replaced, I haven't see any huge problems. I make sure that I come and go at different times to get a better sense of how the system works and to throw off an;y staff that might not care. So far I haven't seen that. I do know that there are terrible places along with terrible caregivers. It's a shame and I don't have the answers. Wish there was a better way of hiring or screening for these things. You can check a persons background history but if a place hires someone because they are desperate for staff knowing that they are not fit and have abused then that's on the company or owner and needs to be addressed. I hate to have more govt. red tape but SOMEone needs to do something about this horrible problem before I get there! Hope my son doesn't live in thousands or miles away.....

It's different everywhere. My mom's place is on the list of 'not good' nursing homes, but every single other nursing home is 'not good'. The 'good' ones have a 2-3 year waiting list, if not more, and do not take Medicaid (or if they do, the Medicaid beds are spoken for months and months ahead of time). I would just make a list of the horrors you have seen, take pictures or videos, and complain complain complain to everyone you can think of. Nothing much will change, though, these complaints have gone on for decades and nothing much happens to make things better. Keep complaining, and I suppose go up there all the time as a 'watchdog'. Good luck. It's an ugly situation, but so common.

Still NH admins or anyother employees in a facility should not threaten family members that is also included chairman of the board who lies and cover up for her admins. I wish i could put a camera in his room but they wont allow it. Ive had trouble with employees stealing my husband shirts and they looked on there cameras one in front of his room and they kept telling no what a bunch of bs. They just dont want family to know anything well rhis one will always complain any yell and i know there tricks and games which they dont like

I think we live in a time when the endemic culture of assisted living facilities and of nursing homes has survived with a big disconnect between what is actually happening in the rooms with these patients, and what anybody else can see or believe, and everything follows from there. But I think as supervisors find ways to use cameras, and families find ways to make having cameras in the room standard procedure, this whole world will undergo a big transformation. There are many good caregivers who are not adequately appreciated, but the underworld survives easily where it cannot be seen. Once again, my NEST camera is a God send. I sort of wonder how one month of watching her room 24/7 would change your willingness to have her there. I have held my tongue on so many things I could pick on, because the smaller stuff is just not worth it. But I have made a point to send positive feedback 3-4x for any complaint I choose to make officially (only one so far, when they borrowed a charger for Mom's IPAD for the night).

My husband is in a care facility its a good one was getting respect etc. Until new admins came and a new don. They dont like me because im a hands on person advocate and these people dont like family members who are hands on or a advocate i scream and scream even call them incompetent all they do is threaten me and tell me move him. I cant because my dr wants him there. How can i make them not threaten me no 1. If i call dept of health or anyplace else they will find out and definate start moving him

Judy, I read the article and wrote a comment. I was surprised there were no comments. God help anyone I see treating anyone like they did. Scares me as to what it will be like when and if I have to go to one of these places. I will fight back as hard as I can.

I read about this today: New York nursing home nightmare (published July 5, 2015)
timesledger/stories/2015/27/nursinghome_2015_07_03_q.html

My father was private pay. We asked for no financial discounts. The NH did not provide the care it said it would. My husband, who often helped, and I were actually "freeing up" their employees. Go figure!

some of the above is true and correct, but,: My wife was in a facility 3 month post hospital. As a paraplegic who can't manage hygiene needs, and needed help, I helped when ever I could, and while I was around, which was every day, all day till late evening. As they usually are understaffed, I helped when there was only one CNA, with tasks like turning my wife, cleaning, etc. At some point
the CNA'S started taking me for granted and expected me to help, to the point where I had back pain. Yes, they might be over worked, but the reason we have our loved ones there, is to care for them. If you can't do it, do not open a business to advertise your wonderful care, and do not employ people who do not want to work. And for employees, do not apply for a job you do not want to do. There are plenty others looking for that job, that do want to do it.

Oregongirl, thank you for your heartfelt concern. I am sorry that I did not make it clear my father died (2008). I traveled all the routes for help.

Wolfflower....I live on my social security and his and we have Anunities that pay us once a year and another account a small portion every month. I budget very carefully and pay all the credit cards in full each month. I buy nothing unless we need it. The most expensive cost we have is food. We have good health care Medicare and Suplimental and we have drug insurance. I was a Realtor for 40 years and always paid both sides of my social security but only get one side. Very unfair. It is not easy, but we do it. I must not go into our savings as I will need it when my Partner passes. We own our home free and clear but have an HOA payment each month. I tell you, it is budget time. Big Time..

Oh Judy, I am so sorry you are having to face this with the NH. I would be heartbroken. Get in touch with the State or the Ombusmen, (spelling).... The State will step in I am sure. No one should have to die like this. How would those people in the NH feel about their parent being treated this way? Or themselves someday? I will keep you and your father in my prayers and thoughts. I talk to God all day long.

I was with my father at least once every day. I chose to be there consistently at suppertime so that I could feed him when he needed it. Sometimes I popped in unexpectedly. I can't go into all the details; I tell the worst of it in my book. Suffice it to say now that often when I came in the evening, his bedding consisted of dried urine and fecal matter. At first I quietly got the linen myself and changed everything. Then I wrote grievances because I was told they would be taken very seriously. When I followed up with the social worker, her explanation was that they were short-staffed. On occasions when I came to the NH out of my normal time, I would find my father lying in urine-drenched clothes. This is making me so angry all over again. I thought I had put this behind me after I published our story about NH neglect and abuse.

You know, this is exactly why everyone who is in a nursing home needs someone on the outside... to do their bidding for them. Call the state and let them know what you are seeing and experiencing, because some of what you mentioned is neglect and abuse. Letting them sit in their own waste for hours... Pathetic!

FYI, I just read an article dated July 2, 2015, that Pennsylvania's Attorney General has filed a suit against Golden Living, the nation's third largest nursing chain, "alleging residents were left 'thirsty, hungry, dirty and unkempt' and denied 'their most basic needs.'"

to oregongirl: I don't want to be nosey but (not only you) mentioned that you quit your full time job to care for your loved one, how do you manage for money? If you quit a job, most places will not allow you to draw unemployment, so where do the funds come from to pay for bills, food, etc? I am not trying to imply being sarcastic or anything of the sort, but how do people quit their jobs and care for loved ones in their home with no money coming in?

We all want everything to be perfect for our loved ones. We forget that the help in these places have a great turnover. The ones that stay are worth their weight in GOLD. Many of us do this at home on a 24/7 schedule and I totally respect what they do now more than ever. I know how hard it is. I cannot imagine doing this as a career. I would charge $120.00 an hour..PERIOD Take it or leave it. But, for my Partner, I will do anything. I love my Partner or I would not be here. I am looking for a cleaning person as I just cannot do it all. I thought I was on top of it, but one or two days of any problems and I am so far behind that my house looks like I don't know how to keep a house clean. The only thing I can give my attention to is the bathroom and the bedroom and bed. The rest is ht and miss. Between caring for my love and cooking, washing clothes and maintaining the house, I am more than full time. I sure wish it did not cost so much to go to a IL facility. Even so, I would miss him SO much. I quit my well paid job to do this. I would be working just to keep him AWAY from me? No! I had to. As much as it would cost us for him to be in a facility, my working income plus our savings would go for his care. So, job gone and I am his full time care giver. No one loves him like I do and that is how he is treated. If he was in a facility, I would have to understand he is just one in maybe 30 people each staff person is responsible for. If they missed him or messed up, I would not even know it.

Yes, these CNAs aren't paid much. Maybe $10. And I agree, they can have up to 30patients depending the facility. But...the resident is paying for the care. A family member should not have to do anything. The facility may not want you to because of insurance purposes. My husband was always helping my Mom from the wheelchair to the bed. The nurse told him they rather he didn't do it.

Yet some of it is true... If you help your loved one you are messaging that you want to help and it makes people want to help you... Also that you are involved and will notice any signs of neglect.
It's a tough job, paid poorly and if you go in there demanding your dues it will not endear you to The people looking after your loved one believe me you want them on your side.

If they 'hated it and didn't do it' - they would be out of a job.
Wow - what a sarcastic post.

Sounds like you are so busy observing and critiquing the staff that u surely must not have much quality time with your loved one. You say the staff hates changing the residents... I am assuming u mean cleaning up the residents urine and feces... I can assure u it isn't their favorite part of the job, but guess what, if they hated it; they wouldn't do it; AT ALL. Do u ever offer to assist with the cleaning up of your loved one. That would change the attitude of the staff towards you and your loved one much quicker than the approach you have chosen, such as; always making complaints and challenging procedures.... Try being part of the solution and not part of the problem and I promise you, you will notice a difference in the attitudes of the staff.

My mother is in a great NH, in IL. I did take her out of one, though, and I did not mince words, on why.

NeverAgain50, I totally agree with you. Living in the Houston, Texas, area also, I had firsthand experience as I daily visited with my father in a nursing home. To add insult to injury, I thought it would be better than the one where he was in Pennsylvania. But no. I was so angry about what went on in the two places that after his death I wrote about the travesty in Before the Door Closes: A Daughter's Journey with Her Alcoholic Father. A year or so after it was published, I mustered the courage to read Death Without Dignity by Steven Long, which reports the 1985 Texas City, Texas, trial regarding nursing home abuse. Will there ever be an end to it? The callousness and indifference from top to bottom still breaks my heart. (I did find exceptions, but they were few and were not on duty 24/7.)

Not all nursing homes are like the one you described. The one my spouse was in has a great staff. Everyone from the Administrator, Social Worker, Nurses and CNAs were very helpful and listened to my concerns. I found that visiting often, getting to know the people who care for your family member, thanking them for their hard work and actually taking part in my loved one's care, by letting them know certain things about him, which helped them understand him better, all helped. Though my loved one has passed on, I keep in touch with the many wonderful workers from the nursing home and even get together with them, as we have forged strong bonds through caring for him. So, I would suggest you find a facility that will work with you and listen to you, because they are out there. Good luck.

In the Houston Texas area I have experienced the nursing homes are especially horrible. From the top tier to the bottom tier there must not be a person employed who has a caring bone in their bodies. To treat humans with such callousness and across-the-board indifference is reprehensible. In my experience having a loved one in most of these facilities is akin to a death sentence!

I would call the local nursing home ombudsman and complain. This nursing home needs to have a 'drop in inspection'. A local nursing home recently had a rape by a worker and the elderly lady later died.No one had complained about them before.
The worst people that I dealt with were the administrators - they acted like everything that the patients said was due to dementia, and treated me like a criminal every time I mentioned buying new clothing, cosmetics, etc. At the funeral the last one sat and glared at me the whole time. Psychos should not be administrators!

What you need to do is go to the administrator. If the administrator does nothing, tell them that you are going to go to a lawyer and file a lawsuit, if this does not raise some concerns on their part, don't tell them but go to the police and file a complaint every time that you think neglect is happening. Take pictures and document everything. When you see only one person using a lift when the patient in up in the air take pictures so that you can turn this in at a later date when the court case gets started. Also, after you have filed many complaint's against the nursing home with the police station they will have to start an investigation for neglect taking place in that nursing home. Talk to an Ombudsman they are for the elderly and they will turn this into adult protective services, then the state will start an investigation on them.

What you need to do is go to the administrator. If the administrator does nothing, tell them that you are going to go to a lawyer and file a lawsuit, if this does not raise some concerns on their part, don't tell them but go to the police and file a complaint every time that you think neglect is happening. Take pictures and document everything. When you see only one person using a lift when the patient in up in the air take pictures so that you can turn this in at a later date when the court case gets started. Also, after you have filed many complaint's against the nursing home with the police station they will have to start an investigation for neglect taking place in that nursing home. Talk to an Ombudsman they are for the elderly and they will turn this into adult protective services, then the state will start an investigation on them.

Is there anyway you can contact the colleges where people were trained in the caregiving field you have, maybe they can give you a list of those that were considered highly qualified. Its a start. And not everyone is suited for caregiving, as we all know. I think some take courses thinking its going to be a walk in the park type job. Caregiving is a hard job, but can be a rewarding job at the same time. good luck

Wolfover451: thanks for your advice. I live in Washington DC and I have difficulty attracting people with college degrees for AD caregiving even though I pay way above the going rate. Any advice?