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Half cousin in nursing facility. She doesn't like the food and wants me to grocery shop for her. Popcorn, frozen pizza, canned spaghetti, etc. (I am her POA because her attorney retired and no one else was listed. Hospital insisted she have a POA.)
She was on Medicaid but now her house sold and settled so she is private pay til that runs out. I have no time to shop and deliver food to her! Are these groceries ok under "spend down"? They are for her to eat but there are meals at the nursing home! I looked into supermarket delivery services and considering using one, I could place order online and reimburse myself and have good records.
I am burnt out, I barely know her, the trash bags of papers to reconstruct finances for Medicaid, then ordeal of a falling down filthy house sale stuff. I am worn out.

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I guess you are now responsible for her spend down. Once I did that, got back Medicaid I would bow out of the POA. Did you see a lawyer? Go back and have him revoke it. Tell the NH they will have to file for guardianship. Actually, this could have been done at the time they said they needed a POA. If no one had come forward, the state would have become guardian.
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You need to check with the Nursing home. I doubt if they will keep pizzas for her or anything that has to be kept refrigerated. I doubt if they would have to heat up or cook anything other than what they have to do. She also maybe on a special diet.

Medicaid may not except you being reimbursed. Me, I would tell her no. Set boundries.
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I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. My LO's do buy some food and have it delivered as they get tired of the food in the dining room. They have a micro wave and a refrigerator. I think there will be no issues with buying some food, however, if this gets out of control you may have to step in. Please take care of you!
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anonymous891745 Jul 25, 2019
Thank you! I am working on "setting boundaries" and letting it go. Place a supermarket delivery order for tomorrow so we will see how it works out, if its gets there ok from the local store. Not having to actually shop, store and tote it will help. My daughter when she was in high school dealt with a mean coach, she tried to tell her teammates about letting it go like water off a duck's back. She got it twisted up and came out with Duckwater. So that was their code to stand together and not get upset, "duckwater". maybe i will adopt that....Appreciate your kind words.
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Thank you all so much!The facility is ok with it. I lugged three bags there two weeks ago from a list she emailed ( they have computer stations) .the perishable go in a fridge off the dining room. Each floor has one along with a microwave. She expects it and the lists get longer. She has stage 4 kidney failure and cannot walk. She will not follow any dietary recommendations.
We auctioned her house finally because no realtor would list it. Left most of the contents in it. Had to wear respirator because of mold and mice. Immediately set up her prepaid funeral fund according to PA rules. I estimate she has about 16 months private pay before she is out of house money. She was on Medicaid January to June. I reconstructed the three years of records to complete the application.
I am keeping careful records to account for every penny. Had to purchase all new clothing because everything in house was filthy. Social worker suggests purchasing clothing ahead while she has funds, shoes , socks ,slippers so she has an adequate amount before she goes back on Medicaid with a $45 per month personal allowance. All this food seems like a waste of money but it's not mine.
Sorry to ramble, I am getting over a concussion from a fall...and this is all getting to me. Thank you all again for your wonderful input.
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Paula, check with the Admin at the nursing home to see if outside food deliveries are even allowed. I have a feeling probably not.

Even if the facility says yes, don't get into the habit as before you know it, you will be spending your own money for items that cousin wants, after the spend down is over. And I doubt that Medicaid will pay for on-line grocery delivery fees which can run up to $10 per delivery, plus some on-line groceries have a minimum order of $100 before taxes.

Just say "no". Plus, cousin may be on special diet of low carbs, low sugar intake so that is why she doesn't like the food. Maybe even intolerance to dairy. You need to be careful. I wouldn't chance it.
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If you had the energy you could contact the facility and see what they have to say in this situation...it's not the first time they've heard it. My MIL does the same thing so we bring her fresh fruit and her favorite soda that they don't serve. Nuts, healthy chips, carrot sticks and bridge mix. But, you're not responsible for her happiness and already have your hands full. Don't feel pressured to accommodate her...or guilty. Just a thought: can you use funds from the sale of her house to pay for a service to clean up her dump? It's her own house, after all.
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Unless she has a private fridge in her room, where does she think the food will go? She cannot cook the food she is requesting because nursing homes don’t provide microwaves so how does she think the food will be cooked? You are under no obligation to bring her groceries or arrange grocery delivery. If you really want to help out, I would arrange to have a special meal delivered once a week. You can give her a few options. These days there is uber eats and door dash, they are services that will pick up food at a restaurant and deliver them wherever you want. Ask her what restaurant and what meal she’d like.
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How does she expect to heat up the foods she wants you to deliver? Does she have access to a kitchen?

You do not have a lot of details in your profile. What are the health issues that have put your cousin in a nursing home?

And no, you do not have to arrange for groceries to be delivered to her, nor do you have to shop for her.
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