Nursing home pushing me to file for Medicaid; can they stop me from bringing her home?

Follow
Share

My Mom has only been in long term care a few months. The nursing home is pushing me to file for Medicaid as we are now private pay. I refuse to do this because I am planning on bringing her home after I finish getting the house ready for her return, making it safer and more applicable to her mental state as she is at this time (I bought a hospital bed like the one she has at the nursing home, and a special chair for handicapped elderly people) and also put in extra bars in the bathroom and other safety items. So even though they are pushing me to do this I am not going to file for Medicaid. They also mentioned her social security income and I understand they cannot take this unless we have applied for Medicaid. So we have enough to pay privately for a while (like a few months) and then I am bringing her home. My question is this: can they stop me from bringing her home? I had already kept her at home myself for many years prior to her going into the hospital and then the nursing home for rehab and then short term care.

Find Care & Housing
8

Answers

Show:
Seems like u have it all together. Please keep us updated. We learn from others experiences.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

attorney said not to apply for medicaid now
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to thislife1958
Report

You need to consult with the doctor who is caring for her. Explain what u have done to make house Mom friendly. Are u going to be with her 24/7? He will be the one to discharge her. Maybe he is under the impression she is permanent. Why is Mom in so long? You r private pay and they have no one to answer to when it comes to Moms care. Medicare is done after 100 days. Its time to find out why Mom is still there. If u can't get an answer, ask her to be discharged. You can also contact your stste Ombudsmen to investigate if they will not discharge. You have a right to care for Mom at home. Hope you have medical POA.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
thislife1958 Aug 2, 2018
I have the durable and medical poa in place. They just want her to stay because they charge like 8-10k per month and she keeps telling them she has money with her dementia? I told her to not say this as it is not totally true. She would not have enough to last five years or so. Especially at the high cost. I think the doctor will release her with the home care. I am pushing for this or if I have to the attorney will take over. Thanks so much.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
A word of caution - if you let the facility help you qualify your mother for Medicaid, please make sure they do not "activate" it without your knowledge.

An extended family member had this happen when their parent was in SNF for a six weeks following a scheduled hip replacement even though she was private pay using Medicare and supplemental insurance. Mom lived with her full time employed daughter (and was alone in the house during the day) so they decided Mom would stay in the SNF until the doctor cleared her to walk using full weight and a cane (instead of a walker and only partial weight). Two weeks after she left the SNF starting drawing Medicaid payments - so her SS was going to the SNF. It took seven months to straighten out and get her SS back to being deposited into her bank account. This was a real pain because Mom used her SS to pay the supplement insurance premiums - if her son hadn't stepped up and made those payments she could have lost her supplemental insurance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TNtechie
Report
thislife1958 Aug 2, 2018
I refuse to help them and they are asking but I will not help them file. The counter is running so always best to use resources first and apply as the very last option.
(0)
Report
My suggestion is that you file for Medicaid ASAP.  The application process is long and complex, requiring you to provide them with a lot of documentation and information.  If the application is approved, there is no requirement that you take advantage of the services offered.  And the services that your mom may qualify for don't necessarily only apply to NH residents.  I can see no downside in making an application now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to AlfredR
Report
thislife1958 Aug 2, 2018
we were told to wait by the attorney
(0)
Report
Thislife,
I also admire your determination to take care of your mom but I'm wondering how much she has declined since you last took care of her. Her needs may be much more physically demanding now. Have you helped the staff at the facility with her care recently? Are you planning to hire someone at your home for respite? As you can read on most threads, one person doing 24/7 caregiving is a recipe for disaster (for the c/g).

At the very least, I'd want a physical therapy assessment and input from her assigned aides as to the depth of her care. You don't want to be biting off more than you can chew, so to speak. There are many of us that have ruined our physical and mental health giving round the clock care. We'd hate to see you as another casualty.

I reread your post. You seem "adamant" about not applying for Medicaid. Why? Are you embarrassed because it's for low income or you don't want to accept a "handout"? You, your family and millions of us have paid for this throughout our working lives. It isn't charity, we've all paid for it. Millions of proud seniors are on it because American healthcare has priced all medical and mental care out of reach for most of us.

If I were you, I would start the Medicaid process TO HAVE IT IF SHE EVER NEEDS IT. Go ahead and take her home now, but, if you find she needs more care than you can give, please don't kill yourself trying. If she needs to be placed back in the NH, at least she'll have the coverage in place for a smooth return.

I took my Mom home when the Memory Care facility raised the rates over what she made on Social Security. I'm a nurse so I thought I could do it. There was NO way I could live on no sleep, screaming at the top of her lungs at 2am, pulling off her clothes and urinating on the bedroom floor, spitting food across the table, etc. The members on this board tried to tell me, but I thought I could handle it. Wrong!

Please leave Medicaid as an option.

Sometimes we can't see the forrest for the trees. Do you have a friend that could go visit your Mom with you and give you an honest assessment if you could do the same care in your home by yourself?

Good of luck whatever you decide.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to SueC1957
Report
thislife1958 Aug 2, 2018
I have been doing this eight years. She was able to go from 82 to 90 because of my excellent care giving. The only issue is she needs more help now after a fall but we have the resources to hire as many people as we need which is way less expensive than 10k per month. Also the home health team will come home with her if they allow this. I'm hoping they will.
(1)
Report
Is the facility “pushing” you to file for Medicaid or are they trying to convince you to keep Mom in the facility? Your desire to bring your mom home to care for her is very noble, but take a trip around this site and read some of the posts from people who thought they could do it and now are at the end of their rope with parents who wander, scream all night long, are incontinent, are mean and nasty, are demanding, etc. You said she’s lived with you for many years, but that she also has mental decline now. That doesn’t get better.

I really admire your determination to take Mom home and care for her. But I would speak with her doctor and maybe even the Director of Nursing and get their opinion on Mom’s prognosis and how that would affect her living in your home.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report
thislife1958 Aug 2, 2018
They are definitely pushing. They also do not let her walk with the walker; she rides around in the wheelchair even though she shows me she can walk with the walker. I have gone there every night since she was admitted except two which is going on about 65 days. I help her by getting the aides to put a clean pad on so she doesn't sleep in wet or other. They really don't like me there I notice but I go anyway. Sad but I see exactly what is happening and it is that they want her to not be able to do more. They stopped the rehab at day 22 instead of taking her to 100 which is what she wanted and kept telling me so. It is just the nature of what goes on there and they know I know but I would provide the best of the best care at home and she would have a staff. I have recruited one nurse and a cook already to be here if needed in addition to the home health. So hoping we get to do this.
(0)
Report
To my knowledge, no one can force you to keep a loved one in a long term care facility. I would ask though, why you wouldn't keep your options open and apply for medicaid anyway. Often, the facility will do all of the paperwork.
Also, medicare pays for a hospital bed and some other items so I'm not sure why you are paying for that yourself. There is nothing in your post or profile that says much about Mom's physical or mental situation. Often, a hospitalization, rehab, and stay in a facility are a precursor to a decline where the family can no longer do all that is needed to keep the person comfortable and well cared for. As caregivers, the reality is often far in excess of our abilities, despite our best intentions.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to geewiz
Report