My mom made it to Oregon from California! Her bowel issues resolved, pain was less, her thinking became clearer. We didn't have to change her care goals under which a nursing home accepted her. The long distance medical transportation company was great. Hospital gave mom a shot at the outset of the 12 hour drive and she slept for 8 hours. By the time she woke the sun was up (it was an overnight ride) and she got to look out the window and see where she was going.
I'm happy to have her closer to us.
The less positive side:
I'm just feeling sad for her. Now the full reality of her situation is hitting me. Here she has my husband and me, but no friends like she had where she lived in CA. I know she'll want to see us a lot. Unfortunately the facility that accepted her is a 1 hour 15 minute round trip from home (best we could do) and I have a stressful full time job. I just have to fit it in somehow.
The facility seems a bit on the older side but clean and good overall on first sight. But they did tell us to get her glasses, hearing aid charger case, and phone engraved with her name asap. Do we really have to worry about things going missing?
I'm also feeling jittery about trying to balance visits/driving time, "keeping an eye on" the care at the facility, Medicaid application, full time job, and any kind of life - should I just suck it up and stop whining?! Thanks for listening.
Is there any area of the NH that is "happy"?
Cover909
The NH residents were happy at my mom’s rehab facility when I brought ice cream for everyone that could enjoy it! 😁
They liked watching Family Feud in the lounge area. Everyday they would watch it and talk amongst themselves and also talk to Steve Harvey! LOL
They enjoyed going to chapel to pray and they especially loved when volunteer musicians would visit and play music from their era.
NHWM
Personal property does go missing in managed care, especially hearing aids for some reason, probably bc they're so small. My mother used to run over her eyeglasses with her wheelchair when she lived in memory care AL. The best I could do was call her eye doc and order her a new pair from the last prescription on file. You'd have to do that from her eye doc in CA. Just something to keep in mind in case there's an issue with her glasses. It used to stupefy me the things mom needed in memory care AL. Like when her feet were super swollen and I had to go to WM and buy 8 pr of men's sneakers in all different sizes, drive them to the AL so she could try them on, then drive the returns back to WM. Or Kohls for 10 bras for her to try on, pick a few that fit, etc. 🙄 Then she wanted sports bras so I bought out Targets supply of them, dropped them off, and said THAT'S IT WITH THE BRAS MA.
Wishing you the very best of luck managing your life and creating time for YOURSELF and your family.
Oh my gosh, I remember buying a bazillion different shoes and bras too! It drove me crazy!
Lord help me, when I got the wrong shade of lipstick for her! LOL My mom was terribly vain!
She had a beautiful wardrobe to lounge around in! Or visit the doctor, while I looked half dead from exhaustion! LOL 😆
Memories, huh?
NHWM
Now you’re entering the full-fledged crisis of caregiving. Yes, it’s going to be more difficult than expected. You don’t have to stop whining, but I’ll tell you what the social worker told me: “Forget about all that. You’re a caregiver now.” Meaning that I should forget my satisfying career, social life and hobbies. At the time I didn’t think she could possibly be right, but she was.
This is where you start practicing the counting of blessings (since many seniors don't have a caring daughter willing to do what you're doing); reminding yourself you are feeling grief, not guilt (because there's a big difference); reminding yourself that this set-up may not be perfect but it's the "least bad option", which is often all that is available on the aging and decline journey.
You can't let yourself burnout, for your own sake but also for your Mom's. You put on your oxygen mask first so that you're there to put on hers. May you receive peace in your heart!
The rest will fall into place. You sound like a conscious person who will handle everything appropriately.
Best wishes to you and your family!
Of course yes. There are countless stories of stealing or missing.
Also, if you want, you’ll have to be careful of neglect (advocating), and generally watching out for your mom. Unless you walk away, the problems don’t end with a facility. Whether at home or in a facility, the problems never end, until death.
I’m swamped with messes losing the estate.
Did you label your kid's stuff for school and summer camp? Nursing homes are no different. Things get misplaced.
What is the plan going forward for mom's doc appointments to address pain, bowel, spine and heart issues?
I was 90 minutes travel from my mom's NH. When she had a doc appointment, I had medical transport take her there and I met her at the doctor's office. Frankly, we used the NH doctor for almost all her issues; she was on palliative care from the outset.