The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

This seems to be an old question but hopefully you were able to resolve the problem of the rapid weight loss and save her life. Weight-loss happens when someone won't eat or it's far less than they should. Hopefully you have this resolved by now. Perhaps having someone who has access to her who can go visit her and take her out the back door if she really doesn't want to be there but only if she happens to be competent and wants to leave. The nursing home cannot hold you hostage as long as you're able to come and go as you please. If you have a guardian like let's say a professional guardian who put her there then she wouldn't be able to come and go as she wants if she wasn't allowed. Without guardianship though then she still competent and can come and go as she wants even if it's out the back door but hopefully not into a fenced in yard! Nursing homes are generally easy to sneak out of and she can just follow visitors out if she's following a group out the door. I knew someone who was temporarily staying in a nursing home before being pulled right back out and sentenced for a drug crime. He was allowed to leave during the day and he always came back to visit old neighbors. He would drive all the way across town in his power chair just to come and see his old friends. I don't know what the stipulations were but he could've just stayed and not went back if he had somewhere to stay. I don't think he was really there that long before he was somehow pulled right back out of the home and taken to prison after sentencing. I probed around online to see how common it is to take someone back out of the nursing home and to prison and I couldn't find no results anywhere except for one so this is usually not common from what I found out since I really couldn't find no results so this must not be a very common thing but a rather rare one to pull someone out of a nursing home and take them to prison. I think it was a trick on his part to try to avoid prison by admitting himself to a nursing home but usually people go from prison to nursing home, not the other way around 

I wish the moderators would remove these old posts. Maybe two years would be a good length of time to leave a post on the forum

I've been caught posting on old posts too. It happens to us all from time to time. Always good to check the date a thread was begun, but darned if I remember to do it half the time.

If your mother is a large woman and needs men to lift her, and she has dementia - how on earth can you handle that at home. You would become a 24/7 caretaker - you would have no life and this is just too much for you. Leave her where she is and visit her and bring ice cream, flowers, etc. And she is 88 - you have to face what it is.

hummingbirdmom, posts stay around forever. Sometimes it is useful to read responses from the past if the question is very similar to yours. But it usually doesn't make sense to respond to a very old post, since the original poster may not even come to this site any more.

Nobody blames you for not knowing that!

If you'd like to discuss the issue with your own mom, I suggest you start your own new question thread. It will be seen by more people that way.

Welcome to the forum!

then why is the post still up , i didn't see your post until i answered.....

have you tried an Ombudsman , their name and number are suppose to be listed on the wall in the lobby of the nursing home. They are suppose to be neutral but sometimes side with the nursing home or closest family with legal docs, as they work hand in hand with the homes and get perks on the side to keep their mouths shut. Your other choice is to hire an attorney and sue for elder abuse, and undue influence. my brothers are keeping my mom away from me, and its hard. I have no idea where she is , I've sent letter to her house, but just found out it was sold. Keep fighting for your mom, maybe you can't get guardianship, but you should be aloud to visit her and file complaints to medicare and keep on them. all care facilities are short staffed. Ive been through this with 3 relatives. Make sure they do not dehydrate your mom, they did that to both my grandfather and father. on a regular basis, thats how they get rid of the elder. its horrible. God Bless

Please do not continue to revive this old post. This person's mother has actually passed away now and the issue is no longer valid.

Ditto on everything above. Eldercare atty is definitely needed, saved us. All Asst. Living and nursing homes give mediocrity care. Most care staff are minimum wage with no benefits because AL and NH allow less than 40 hr workweeks so they don't have to give benefits. We ARE our family member ADVOCATE. They do not do their duties- short staffed all the time, so you have to keep on the staff, by reminding of the care not given, and their supervisors and administrator. BUT do it with kindness, and know who was on staff and assigned to your mom that shift. I've been thru it all home and ALZ-Memory care for 5 years. No "one" person can do it all, all alone. It takes YOUR life away and makes you sick and depressed thus, your own care would not be sufficient. She should stay in a facility where they have 24/7 care. And you be strong and go see her EVERY day, for QUALITY visits, in the gardens too at different times, and nights too. Keep a journal so you'll know what to talk to them about and lists of un-done duties, like not changing diapers, giving drinks, making sure they drink it, or setting a food tray beside a dementia or Alzheimers' patient and leaving the room! Really? These patients get to the point they can't fed themselves or even know what to do with the food tray!!! I thought they had regular training but it never shows. If you are mean/rude, demanding you'll get no-where. Oh and if bath is the issue, stay there until they do these duties or go back later to see if these duties were done. I wish you the best. Caregiving is the hardest most stressful job in the world. As long as you can see her everyday, it is not worth ruining your health, physical and mental.

Just FYI, the original post was more than a year ago.

Immediately contact your local office on aging. The library can help you get the number. Every state and possibly county has one - report here for elder abuse. And be prepared to get a good eldercare attorney. Also threaten to sue the nursing home - that often scares them. In addition, contact your state capital and ask for the Governor's office. They have people who can refer you to the right agencies who can help. And be prepared to "prove" the POA is forged. Good luck. It takes effort and work but this can be made right.

Thanks Elizabeth49 I'm afraid your previous post caught me at a tough time and I took it more personally than I normally would. Yes she did get some rough/undeserved comments as well as support.
I'm sorry that you've not always got the support you should have either.
Hope things have turned a positive corner for you, but if you need someone to listen message me and I'll try. Lucy

LucyCW I didn't mean to be so blunt. And I'm reading your responses I can see that you were supportive of this poster. But she did take a few unkind hits from others and I know what that feels like when you're overwhelmed and scared. No personal offense was meant, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.

My sister and I are two out of my mother's five older children that will take financial responsibility and care for my Mom as we were raised in a dysfunctional family as my father IMO suffered PTSD ,,, :(:( :( from WWII (while a MP and colored) throughout raising my oldest brother born in 1948 to myself born in 1961. My Mom lost her parents when I was about six or seven in a tragic car accident and my father divorced her and got custody of all her children when I was about 13 as she was left penniless and in and out of mental institutions with mild diagnosis' just to live .. In 1985 my sister was married, owned her apartment building, and employed as she cared for Mom for 30 years until October '14. My sister cared for my Mom years beyond raising a child -- my sister is a phenomenal woman, but my mother won't know happiness until she is with family. I can't leave my Mom now I am an adult.
My Mom needs us to stay on good terms. God has brought us this far and He will take us further in the future through thick and thin.

It is costly to keep pursuing partial guardianship for medical and financial needs when my sister already has the POA and in retrospect I would not have gotten free legal assistance to get this far if anyone contests my partial guardianship. Partial guardianship was suggested by my Mom's physician at the NH.

So, Momlover123, your sister has agreed for mother to live with you, and you will not be pursuing your court case?

I deeply love you all and I actually feel it in my heart. My heart is not just there...I feel that you care. My mother's NH environment denies her the opportunity to "age in place" in home and community. She is incapacitated before her time. Her dementia is categorized or marginalized under confusion and forgetfulness - nothing more.

but also did she ever get her medicine for her dementia?

I think none of us who aren't actually can really know the situation - as someone in a similar circumstance can attest to - how do we actually know what her mother's state is? the one thing I don't really understand, though, momlover, is how is a bigger apartment making that much of a difference? not that it couldn't, in one sense, because that was an issue I was concerned about with my dad, was the size of my house, but ultimately not sure how much would have mattered

Elizabeth49 I'm very confused by your response here " I just got in on this thread and was saddened by the beating you took here" If you follow this thread from the start you will see that "Motherlover" was given the empathy, compassion, love and understanding that people on this forum offer each other. She consistently denied anything that doesn't match her viewpoint.
In the end given the tone of her writing and her refusal to engage in the realities of her Mother's dementia, some of us had grave concerns for her Mother's safety.
As one of the people who offered support and eventually withdrew I'm saddened that you misunderstood what has taken place here.
My empathy, concern and compassion is for ML's Mother who is to my mind the truly vulnerable person here.

Glad to hear that. I just got in on this thread and was saddened by the beating you took here. The pivotal fact that your mother stated that she wants to be with you IS the most important thing and the love that you have for her is obvious. I faced a similar fight and won and I'm thanked every day for it. Have faith in your decision, even if the future is uncertain. Surround yourself with those who love and support you.Take all of the outside help you can find. God Bless.

Thank you debdaughter. I'm sorry for any confusion. My sister is agreeing to move my Mom from NH with me now as I will be moving to a larger apartment.

that was for rovana; sent you a msg

All thank you for your concern, but my mother is not at the hospice stage.

Hospice can either be in a facility or at home. It depends on who the provider is and family preference.

why wouldn't hospice work with him at home; thought that's what they were supposed to do; what they did with us with my dad

Momlover, could I mention a case in my knowledge of a dying cancer patient wanting to go home, to die in his own bed, with family around. Family insisted and he was taken home against medical advice. His condition rapidly worsened, they called paramedics, ambulance etc and he was rushed back to the hospice suffering terrible pain. He died very shortly after arriving. In all the crazy confusion the family members were not able to properly say goodbye. It would have been much wiser for him to be where medical help was close at hand and family could actually concentrate on praying with him.

I cannot see this case going any further and definitely not to the Supreme Court.

I am confused about your sister. On another thread you wrote that she's been guardian for 30 years!

Uhthread Momlover123 says that she wasn't able to get legal counsel and was proceeding in the appeals pro se. That's why asked about the written briefs and if they had oral arguments yet.

you have appealed? did I miss this somewhere? hope they don't have as much against you, like the lawyer I heard say this yesterday, who said he didn't pull out his big guns yet; saving that for appeal in case they decide to