The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

Thank you LucyCW.

Debdaughter I don't have children at home.

Something about this does not make any sense to me at all. Maybe I'm missing something. If so, what am I missing?

I've never heard of a failed guardianship fling because someone else had a POA.

Guardianship is determined on the testimonies of two doctors saying that the person in question is no longer competent to handle their business in a business like fashion. Members of the immediate family are contacted and those who want to show up in court to contest or support the guardianship case.

When was her guardianship trial?

When was it and what were the results?

When is this next trial scheduled for?

momlover, I don't recall implying you did; was trying, I believe, to make the comparison between dad's grandson, who wasn't a child, taking care of him, and you taking care of your mom

momlover, I'm confused by your comments to me, as well; maybe I really don't know how to express myself, but far from trying to marginalize your circumstances and need for help; I was trying to help you; I think Lucy at least got it

I can see, however, your confusion in thinking I thought you had a child at home; maybe I shouldn't have posted that when I did but I believe I'd just come out of a conversation with someone, who, at least in the case of a child; not sure they'd feel the same way with a parent, who, at least in the hospital, believed you should stay with that child 24/7 and anybody who did anything less, even if the hospital ok'd it, should give that child up for adoption; I was trying to make the comparison between that being you wanting to have your mom home with you 24/7 and those - yes, maybe especially Lucy, and she's entitled to her opinion - those who felt and feel differently, that I would hope they wouldn't have quite the attitude that person had toward, yes, it was my dil and my gd; I was just actually trying to advocate for you; maybe it just all came out wrong

Lucy, there have been several commenters on this thread who have said momlover does not need to take her mom home

Also, Lucy, re my last comment in reference to your last comment re momlover needing help I didn't think you were referring to the help she came here asking for re the forged POA but she had asked for people who'd had experience with such; while in my situation there wasn't one actually forged, there didn't need to be because they didn't even ask for documentation of it but it was lied about and said they had it when they didn't, which led to me not being told about a fall and injury my dad had that I should have been informed about so that I could make a proper decision regarding his care; it was only because he had two-fold care with the other party knowing my role in his care that I was informed and then only because of another "mistake", if you will, which is what had resulted in those people even having been allowed to be the ones handling his care, in the first place, so lesson learned, always doublecheck and confirm everything; had I done that, which I should have, I would have learned that the reason we were sent there was invalid and would not have been, therefore we would not have been using them to begin with, but instead the people we'd used before who knew my role and would have been quick to let me know what had happened and furthermore, would have let me know if my dad's house was getting to a point of being considered uninhabitable, which it had when they were doing his care before, not because of them but because of who he had in there, but this was before I got the POA.

Hi Debdaughter, I'll respond briefly as your comments were made here & I don't want to hijack this posting. Ok you tell Momlover I'm entitled to my opinion and then your very next comment is to me, telling me that several others have said she shouldn't take Mum home. I don't understand this. 1) Are you telling me I'm in company with others in my opinion? I do know that as I'm following the answers. 2) telling me to back off as others have said same thing? Again I'm entitled to express my "personal" opinion as long as it's polite. Re your following comments. Yes Momlovers original request was for people in similar situations to respond, however like many others writing I was concerned about her lack of understanding of dementia and therefore her Mother's welfare. I'm sorry I couldn't understand the rest of your answer and I'm afraid that as it didn't seem to be pertinent to either me or my comments on the issues raised on this topic I gave up trying. Sorry if that offends but I have limited time on the computer and want to use that time to learn as much as possible, be as helpful as possible.

Hi Lucy, I was saying you were in company with others in your opinion, not that you should back off; I'm not none of us here will ever do that; we're each entitled to our opinion, as I am and momlover is, like I think if we feel she has a lack of understanding of dementia, we should be here to support her in gaining that understanding as I believe she's expressed a desire to do so, not to try to get her to back off of trying to be able to bring her mother home. As for the rest it really wasn't for you anyway but more for her, to clarify, not really that I think she needed it because she had seemed to be glad, at least at first, that someone with at least a little bit of experience - at least in the sense of having gone through it, which is what I believe she asked for in the first place - a false POA issue. I just hated she felt I was minimizing (or whatever word she used; I, too, don't have unlimited time on here) her, when I was trying to uplift her - maybe I'm just not writing real well

Thanks Debdaughter for explaining. Wishing you well in your journey

Has your mother been deemed incapacitated or incompetent? If not, she still has free will. A POA cannot stop her from doing what she wants to do. If someone holds guardianship, that's a different story.

Has your mother been deemed incapacitated or incompetent? If not, she still has free will. A POA cannot stop her from doing what she wants to do. If someone holds guardianship, that's a different story.

Yes. Thank you Virginia, but the NH will not hear her or allow her to say she wants to leave as I have asked them to listen to her many times and I have told the SW that the POA is a forgery. However the Judge has ordered it valid. My Mom's 88 and wheel chair bound, but she has more quality to life than an NH. NH won't let her go to the toilet saying she doesn't have trunk control, but she has been sat on the toilet and held the rail and sink. My mother's mobility diminishes more everyday.

Ok, so your mom has been deemed incompetent? That's not the same as incapacitated. If she is incompetent, then no one is going to listen to her stated desire to go home.

No CMagnum the court ordered Report of Physician only states that she needs partial guardianship for medical an financial decisions.

Sorry I didn't make this clear Virginia and CMagnum, but my Mom has not been deemed incompetent, but now the doctor is saying that her senile dementia is progressing rapidly and they want to give her medication for it, but I sit with my mother hours on end and she holds competent conversation and even gives me commands.

Medical and financial guardianship? So what part of her life is not under guardianship.?

So, you don't think that the doctor's diagnosis is incorrect? Do you want to seek a second opinion? Are you not willing to try to slow her dementia symptoms?

"Don't think the diagnosis is correct"

If neither your sister nor yourself have guardianship, does anyone have the partial guardianship at this time or is that in process? I would think that ordering even partial guardianship would indicate that it's been determined that she's unable to make decisions about her care. My dad often held full conversations about art, politics, etc., while still having AD....it's a sneaky, confusing illness. I'm sorry your family is affected by this insidious thief of spirit.

My dad with dementia is like that as well.... some days he is his old self.. making demands, having full conversations and making sense.. then an hour later he won't know where he is.... and wonders where his wife is.. when she is sitting right next to him.

Very confusing.... very sad.

I can tell you love your mom.... I feel for you Momlover.

partial guardianship?

my aunt was like that as well; not being there, when I would go visit my parents, well before they were in the same situation themselves, we would visit her - and my uncle - and she would be having a full conversation; everything seemed fine, except my mom would be over there shaking her head at me to let me know that none of what she was saying was the way it was

and this lady I went to see Tuesday at the nursing home was the same way; if I didn't know I would have wondered why in the world she was there, so to somewhat go back to some earlier comments, momlover, you can't go by that

At this time my petition for guardianship is in appeal while my sister holds a POA that has been deemed valid, even though it is not my mother's signature. The substitute judge running from one court to another refused to even look at my mother's signature on my birth certificate for proof of forgery saying that it was too long ago, and it was signed neatly in '07, but it couldn't have been because my mother had a stroke on her right-hand writing side before the POA was signed.

I'm afraid I have to agree that holding rational conversations is not an indicator of increasing dementia issues. Today my widowed bil came out for a walk with my little dog, a support worker & myself. We had a wonderful time in a Country Park talking about the changes in plants since we where there 2 months ago. My bil remembered that trip in detail. Usually he can't remember the morning by afternoon. In all we were together 6 hours, he called my little dog when he strayed and no one seeing him would have suspected anything being wrong.
2 hours after returning this same man was complaining that camera's had been hidden in the corners of his room so that he if he napped on the sofa "they" would see him and make the phone ring to wake him. He wanted to know if he'd been to his Mum's funeral (she died 4 years ago) and why my sister, his late wife wasn't back from shopping. She died 5 years ago. This eve he talked on the phone to my dearest friend who lives in NY. They've never met though he's spoken to her often by phone over the years. He was telling her all about our outing this morning. Every detail correct, yet he had no memory of the events on our return.
There is no rhyme or reason, no neat pattern to this horrible illness that nibbles away at our cared for.

Thank you for sharing LucyCW.

Babalou my mother's free will and civil liberty is being violated even with my sister's forged POA ordered valid 8 21 2015 by a substitute judge who refused to even look at my Mom's signature on my birth certificate. The court appointed guardian gave me guardianship verbally before my mother Monday then changed her mind and gave approved a forged POA Wednesday or Thursday that my sister presented to the judge. My sister has stopped my mother from getting in my car just for a ride and continues to hold this forged POA over my head as I am not given the respect of being my mother's next of kin at the NH.

In my limited experience in these maters, only a judge can grant guardianship. Perhaps others have had experience with a guardian granting guardianship to another person.

Babalou the judge usually rules in favor of the court appointed guardian (Paraisia Winston Gray, Esq.) that made her decision on a forged POA.

Yes, but you said that " court appointed guardian verbally appointed" you guardian. How can a guardian appoint you guardian?

In legal proceedings, these things matter. If you say "I saw", it means with your own eyes. If you say "she granted", it means that the person who "granted" actually had the right to grant.

I'm truly sorry that you are so unhappy. But everything you've posted leads me to believe that a. Your mom needs to be in a nursing home and B. That you are not "getting" what is going on with mom, or are in tremendous denial. My opinion. No longer following this thread.