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My mom has been under hospice care for 6+ months now. I needed some 'time out' and decided to take advantage of the respite care program. When we were checking out the NH it seemed OK, clean,etc. but a bit Spartan. There were no beds available closer to home at the time she needed to go, even though I had given notice to the hospice authorities more than a months' notice. Mom had to be transported more than 35 miles from home (by ambulance) so they had her within a mile of their office.

I found out afterwards from both mom and her aide that the roommate she was assigned to was a man. Apparently his wife visited all hours, running in and out on all sorts of errands.

My mom has been a 'closet lesbian' all of her mature life and was deeply disturbed by this arrangement. She would be totally mortified if I had told the admin about her 'preference', so we said nothing. Is it considered normal to have mixed-sex roommates in a NH?

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I understand that some folks in the Hospice organization think the sw is doing a good job. This does not mean that you should not report her innapropriate behavior toward your mom.
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Sounds like there might have been a shortage of rooms, but I'd still feel uncomfortable about it. Maybe this hospice just doesn't have enough space. I think I'd be looking at some other hospices as you suggested; it's something you've had to weigh vs. additional confusion, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to have to share a room with the opposite sex, at least not when I'm ready for the hospice stage.
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Time for a new Hospice outfit. I would be in touch with the CO to inform her/him of this irregularity.
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Call the office manager at Hospice and make it very clear to them that this cannot happen again. Be straight out with them and tell them why this was so upsetting to her. Put all the cards on the table.
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"The hospice social worker threatened to move her to a nursing home"???? If you heard this with your own ears, that is certainly cause to report her to her State Licensing Board. I would be sending certified letters to the Hospice CEO, the nursing home ombudsman and the state licensing authority.
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This sounds highly unusual. Did you ask the facility why that was done?
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Are you sure mom didn't fib a little? Dementia does strange things.
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I have never heard of such a thing and find it quite inappropriate. I would demand that they change her situation IMMEDIATELY. Unfortunately, one sometimes has to make a noisy fuss to fix a problem, before one gets the desired response!
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UPDATE. I went and checked out the nursing home situation in person. Also rechecked with both the aide and the nurses. THANK GOD it is a case of mistaken identity. The roommate was a woman. She had almost no hair, a flat chest and a deep raspy voice. The woman that mom said had been running in and out on various chores was apparently the woman's daughter. Ain't dementia fun. I thought she was a man at first, too.

NH is clear and very cooperative. Also scored big points with us by invoking HIPPA regulations about disclosure. Good to know for sure. That doesn't mean that the SW at hospice is off the hook, tho.

Thanks to you guys for helping to straighten out the facts. I greatly appreciate it!
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Fortunately, mama is now at home again.

We have finally located a local attorney who is versed in elder law. I'll be speaking with him SOON (having to arrange for extra babysitter so I can go), as we have some prior issues to resolve.

Just got a payment notice from Medicare and insurance. It looks like the company has been paid increasing amounts each month for what little they do. We are averaging 12 monthly visits from the nurse and aide (total for both), plus a visit from the chaplain. The nurses take her blood pressure, pulse and sometimes temperature; ask a few questions about pain and bowels, then spend 10-20 minutes writing up a report. The aide DOES work her tail off. BUT...this justifies a $6,000.00 a month payment? I know that there is considerable overhead involved, but the care given (or not given) doesn't justify the money. I'm told that it is all legal. Glad it's not self-pay. I cringe thinking about what the 5 days in respite will be billed at!

My husband will be visiting with 2 other hospices at the end of this week. As soon as I get a substitute for the day, I'm off to San Antonio to see the folks at DADS (Department of Aging and Disability Services). My referral there said they could help with making official complaints. Yes, a major change is in order.

Thanks to all of you for your suggestions and support! Hugs!
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