My mother has been in a home for 15 months. I know she has had periods of combativeness, especially with a UTI, she also has times when she refuses to get out of bed. However in last few weeks, she’s been, at least from what I see, meeker and milder, hasn't yelled at me or been nasty, been very sleepy and stays in bed a lot. The problem is, she isn’t getting properly taken care of and when I say anything, they say well she gets combative. I was there at lunch today, she was in bed eating lunch, very docile, I put a towel across her chest to keep her food of off her, she was finishing cake when I left at 2 pm. I went back at 5:45 pm to take clothes out and she was in same position, dinner tray on table, covered up. The food wasn’t cut up or anything, again she was still very docile. When I inquired, I got the speel that she refused care today, the aide said she told her to get out when she took her tray in, could she not have cut up food and left it? The plan, just went on and on about how she gets nasty, etc. has no one changed her, pottied her? The supervisor came in and gave me a bunch of crap about how she was busy, didn’t know there was a problem, and again how she can get nasty. The nurse and aide complained how they had ten feeders on unit, is that my mother's faul? She feeds herself just can’t cut food. I then checked her adult diaper, she told me she was dry, but I rolled her, OMG! The diaper was beyond soaked, the bed pad wet, I changed her and they came in and I told them I took care of it, I then held up her diaper and screamed, would any one of you three want your mother taken care of this way? I took the diaper with me and plan on meeting with administrator. I then screamed at them, she’s in a home because she’s old and has dementia, dementia pts sometimes get confused and angry and combative. Do they not teach these dumb a$$es how to manage patients? My mother usually does well when they compliment her hair or nail, clothing, she loves that and usually will then cooperate. What do I do and how to handle them chalking no care up to her behavior. I have now asked them to call me when’s she’s combative but now I’m afraid they’ll provoke her to get that way just to spite me and say we told you so. So upset that on way home I bought a voice activated recorder to hide in her room, any other thoughts?