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I originally posted my issue a while earlier. Here's a link to that: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-needs-relocated-to-another-state-162029.htm?cpage=5

I informed the nursing home on Oct 30th that I wanted to be removed from ALL responsibilities regarding my mother. They started the process of removing me financially from any/all liability almost immediately.

Today, I received a phone call at 3:09pm from one of the nurses telling me that my mom is refusing to eat. I called back at 3:19pm, and was told that the nurse I needed to speak with was in a meeting and to call back in half an hour.

I called back 45 minutes later, and was told that *someone* at the nursing home let it slip that I was moving and now my mother is depressed and refusing to eat. I'm unsure what they want me to do about that, as I'm not a doctor.

When I asked what could be done, the nurse tried to guilt me into taking care of my mother and how dare I be moving. I officially went off on her. I informed not so nicely that I worked 3 jobs (prior to getting pregnant) just to afford her dental appointments that are NOT covered by medicaid, and that while I may be her child - I have gone above and beyond MY call of duty.

The nurse's response was: well you're her kid. Well, what would you do if she had no relatives at all? It is not MY call to make if she needs a feeding tube or not. I had to threaten her with APS (Adult Protective Services), and I wasn't very nice about it. I said that this is the reason she is in a damn nursing home to begin with, and it's about time they started doing their job.

Harsh? Yes. But, I'm actually REALLY angry that I am once again being told to "step up" by someone and being lectured/guilted into taking care of her.

Was this the appropriate response? I have been begging the nursing home for over two years to just do their job. What if they call back and want me to make a decision again? Should I just ignore their calls?

PS. I was diagnosed with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction), and my doctor said under ZERO circumstances should I be walking or stressing. We already had one scare where the baby almost fell out (Halloween Day) uterus and all. My ligaments/pubic bones have shifted so badly that the baby can actually do that now. I can't even sit on a couch or drive a car anymore.

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Your mum is in a safe place for now. You have a baby inside of you who is at extreme risk of loosing it's life and compromising yours. It is clear where your responsibilities lie and that is the plate you have to step up to. Take care of yourself and baby.
if your mother is on Medicaid and has no other funds the N/h should help her apply for Medicaid which will cover her dental expences.
I would talk directly with the dr about the need for a feeding tube. there may be other issues going on that are making her refuse to eat. This is a crisis that is not going to be solved overnight so till after the baby relax and concentrate on that. I would also send a letter to the N/H. telling them that you can no longer be held responsible for your mothers expenses
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If I recall correctly, you have other siblings. Let THEM deal with your mom and her feeding tube. You've done more than your fair share. You're done. Stick to your guns and take care of yourself and your baby and husband and other children. Do NOT let them guilt you into assuming responsibility again. Please keep us posted.
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You have explained the situation to the nursing home. It is not your problem that they choose not to understand the situation. Make sure they have the phone numbers for your siblings. Screen calls. Ideally let your husband deal with them, if that is possible. You stay in bed and take care of that baby!
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You don't mention if you or sibs have POA, If not, did your mother have a health directive regarding feeding tubes or extreme measures to keep her living? Tell the nursing home you insist to speak to the Ombudsmen. /tell this person what is going on with you..don't hold anything back. Please do this ASAP and continue to get bed rest for you and your baby. Keep us informed!!
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I have a POA and so does my brother (who hasn't been involved since her original relocation here, but did get involved about a week ago). When she was installed into the nursing home, I filled out a piece of paper stating that every type of care was acceptable EXCEPT life support (my mom's decision). She does have a health directive in her file at the nursing home, and here at my house in my own files. However, I am not a doctor and it's really not my call if she needs a feeding tube or not. It also turns out she didn't even need one, so that woman calling me was just being a jerk!

My sister did wind up calling the nursing home after I reamed that nurse (they were really nice to her, thinking it was me lol). It turns out the problem wasn't as dire as the nurse was trying to make it seem. The social worker talked to my sister and said that while my mom wasn't eating and sleeping as much, it had nothing to do with my relocation. In fact, my mother hadn't eaten that day ONLY. So, no feeding tube nor phone call required at all. (My sister thinks it was a scare tactic to get me to accept responsibility again. If it wasn't a scare tactic, my mom has been sleeping a lot more for over THREE weeks - long before my mother was even accidentally informed.)

I also told the nursing home, had them sign, my mother sign, and I sign a piece of paper absolving me of ALL responsibility involving my mother (I wanted to just be able to physically visit her without having to handle ANY of her care). Yet, for some reason, they never listened to that original paper. I still have the original at my house, and they have a copy in their files.

My mother does have medicaid/medicare. The nursing home immediately started taking over financial responsibility, but I guess they are trying to make sure I am in charge of her physical care? I'm fighting this, as I don't feel I should be in charge of her care at all..since she's in a nursing home, and that's THEIR job!

Funny how they are more then willing to get the money side done, but not the actual physically caring for her done. It's amazing how much they are dragging their feet and causing a stink over my stepping out of the situation....and it's not even my siblings doing it!!

On a side note: My sister and brother have surprisingly worked really hard to get my mom relocated. They are scheduling plane ticket/s for January. My brother has put in $500 to relocate her. All I am supposed to do is go to the nursing home and take a picture of her wheelchair to make sure it can go onto a plane. Phew. It's JUST the nursing home I am having an issue with at the moment.
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Cannot believe that a nurse would be allowed to speak to you like that!! She should be reprimanded at least. Did you report this incident to the administrator.
No adult is responsible for their parents financially. Not from their own money anyway. Someone may have to be responsible to see that they have the info they need to get her Medicaid, or to actually pay the bills if she has any money, but please don't feel that you are responsible for anyone but your own bills and your children's while they are underage. Getting her relocated sounds like an excellent idea.
Please put yourself first. This is hard to do if you are the caretaking type by nature, but your mother has lived her life. Give your baby the chance to do the same.
I'm retired NHA, and I seethe when I read stuff like this.
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You are in no condition to be going anywhere let alone taking pictures of wheelchairs. Someone - not you needs to talk to your mother about her wishes. A feeding tube is a grey area as far as life support is concerned it is not as serious as being intubated. You could discus this on the phone with Mom if she is able. If she is generally failing and can't or won't eat using a feeding tube will only cause her distress. if there is a reason why she is unable to swallow that is a different story and would be helpful.Can you tell us exactly what her physical and mental state is. I realize you do not have medical training or knowledge and are not prepared to make such decisions but whoever is the POA ultimately does have to give permission for these procedures based on Mom's known wishes. if a loved one is clearly at the end of their life even if you do use a feedng tube the digestive process will slow down and ultimately stop.
I agree with getnstrong, that these kinds of interactions should not occur but unfortunately they do often the result of misunderstandings. maybe the nurse was not aware of the critical state of your pregnancy and felt as the child closest at hand you should be prepared to be more involved until Mom is transferred. by all means make a complaint to the nursing supervisor but don't judge the whole staff because one nurse was insensitive and bullying.
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There is usually a public guardian or trustee in each state/province who will take over making decisions for an elderly person if there is no relative able and willing to do it. If I were you, I would write a letter to your Mom's doctor, lawyer, and the nursing home, officially resigning from any decision-making or responsibility for your mother because of your own fragile health. Period, end of discussion. Then, don't take calls from the nursing home. Have your husband listen to messages and let him be the cushion who can reinforce your intent. Stay in bed and listen to soothing music and feel your baby grow! Dont allow anyone to make you feel guilty.
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If that's how you feel, and I understand how you are placed, then you were right to say so. You cannot be obliged to take, and should not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into taking, care of your parent.

So, more power to you. Having said that, I don't think you can be surprised that the nursing home is surprised by your firmness - so many people do give in, whether with good or bad grace. But that's up to them.

On balance, I suppose my personal conclusion is that you should stick to your guns. You seem to be very clear about your choice, and it is yours to make. Focus on your baby. God bless x
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It turned out that my mother didn't even NEED a feeding tube. This nurse called me after only ONE day of my mom "eating very little", and was dramatizing it way over the top by saying she hadn't of eaten in three weeks. My sister complained to the social worker (who is fantastic), who informed us that the nurse was pretty much nuts and my mother IS eating.

I can no longer ask my mother about how she wants to be treated, etc. She has early on-set dementia due to her stroke several years ago. She is nowhere close to the end of her life. There is specific instructions in her file regarding her care, but no one ever seems to adhere to them...and they call me! (Yes, it says she can have a feeding tube if she hasn't been eating. However, full on life support is a no go. Everything else is acceptable. Just NOT keeping her alive with machines while she is brain dead, basically)

I have already written a letter (on day one of her being admitted), absolving me of ANY responsibility of my mother. I later caved in, and was taking care of everything from setting up appointments to making sure she was AT those appointments (even though this was the nursing home's job). I pretty much handled everything that the nursing home should have, except physically feeding her and changing her. I told them I didn't want to do this, but that didn't stop them from trying to MAKE me do it (otherwise it never got done, I was guilted, etc etc).

Oct 30th at the care conference I reiterated that I wanted NOTHING to do with her except to make an occasional phone call after I move. That it was time they started taking care of her like a nursing home should, and not to call me about her hallucinations or anything else going on. (I am going to copy my original letter and bring it in again for them to see.)

This is not the first time they have called me and made a bigger deal out of nothing.

I am unhappy with how the conversation went, and unhappy with how the nurse lied to me about my mom's REAL condition. That woman could have just called me to inform me about her condition, but instead it was a lecture about how I *NEED* to take care of her in ALL aspects. As soon as she started lecturing, that's when I lost it on her.

I'm pretty sure I told her to suck it up and do her job. That's why they get paid. Not so that they can call me about random BS and try to make me handle it FOR them. Man...I'm still angry.
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For the record: I don't mind hearing about her condition at all, I like to be informed. However, when it comes to medical decisions (without even speaking to a doctor?) or doing the nursing home's job for them - not my job. I'm unsure why this woman called me all nasty, when in reality, the doctor even told me my mother was the SAME as she has always been.

I just don't understand why they won't do their jobs and have to make up lies or try to attack me! Seriously, this nursing home has been making ME do all THEIR work for them! It's insane and when I most recently drew the line - I meant it.

PS. My mother is not depressed and is eating correctly. She has been sleeping during the day a lot more recently and nothing is wrong with her. Not really sure what the nurse wanted me to do, as everyone ELSE there says my mom is eating/fine.
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Alys - you have done the right thing by backing off, and looking after yourself and your baby. Obviously, that nurse was way out of line. Try to let it go as her bad judgement - nothing bad you have done. Your mum is fine and being looked after. My position is like yours - they are paid to do a job, I think keeping family informed of major events is part of it, but not of minor daily vagaries. I understand you being mad at the nursing home. Absolutely, keep your boundaries. You are doing well. Keep looking after you and don't take on anything. (((((((((((hugs)))))))
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As for the feeding tube. I would never approve unless there's a possibility my loved one would get better and have a good life. What's the point of it if they'll be miserable anyway, and have no quality of life..
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Xian… I don't know what to say. WOW. I read your second question about the feeding tube thing and thought you were right to keep to your decision to refuse to be the NH's contact; but I hadn't read Volume I so didn't realise the full extent of the nightmare. Oh. My. God.

You are pregnant and the pregnancy is heavy going because of all this - I'm sorry, I have to use the correct English word here - BOLLOCKS. Not Fair.

But anyway, so you are pregnant. You have two young children. You have a husband who, while more than happy to do his share, Q.E.D., would presumably appreciate a bit of mutual support in his marriage and also has a demanding job which I imagine requires the family to relocate at regular 2 or 3 yearly intervals (making it, by the way, out of the question for you to bring your mother into your household even as a satellite - she needs continuity of care, her welfare would suffer). What in heaven's name can make anybody think it is in any way reasonable for you to be the one who also does all the donkey work for your mother and her family?

I wouldn't teach this to your little ones, but learn and enjoy the following gesture. Raise the middle finger of your right hand. Pointing down with your left index finger, describe a circle around said middle finger. So doing, instruct any bullies who are currently giving you a hard time to "sit on this and spin."

I don't know how you can do this, but you need somehow to detach completely from your mother - and possibly the rest of her family too - for a period of time that you can estimate better than I can. Five years, ten years, whatever.

If you can somehow manage this, it may actually save any vestiges of love between you and your mother; prevent irrevocable estrangement from your siblings (okay you might relish that prospect now - and at the time of writing I happen to share the sentiment as regards my own siblings - but in a decade? Who knows?); and also prevent your feelings towards mankind in general becoming permanently scarred.

You've put up with all this until your tether has actually snapped BECAUSE you are a good daughter and you do - or did, I can imagine it's hard to remember at the moment - love your mother. You care about your family's opinion of you. You would like to be respected as a caring and considerate person by outsiders (like fat-headed nurses who have no idea of what they're talking about). All of these are entirely natural aspirations. You are a completely normal individual, with normal emotions.

The bit that is not normal is the mountain of poo being shovelled at you by others. If you continue to try to handle it, then things that we'd all normally shrug off, like a nurse getting completely out of her tree and feeling the need to teach us our filial duty, get out of proportion because they're added to the weight of pressure piling up on you.

Nurses, receptionists and administrators, doctors - outsiders, that is to say - say silly things all the time. My favourite was the senior ward nurse who saw scars on the wrists of a teenager, demanded an explanation, and on getting it blurted out: "You did this to yourself? Are you crazy?!" I'm ashamed to say I squealed with laughter and so got caught bang to rights eavesdropping. But you have to wonder, how did that nurse come to be nursing adolescents if she was that hysterically insensitive?

And how does a nurse who works in a nursing home still manage to be that lacking in imagination, understanding or sympathy for patients' relatives?

Screen phone calls and don't answer the nursing home's. I suppose, if you felt so inclined, you could request that they put any sit. reps. in writing and mail them to you, for information only. Might there be any mileage, maybe, in asking your own doctor to liaise with your mother's personal doctor and explain to the latter that you are not to be subjected to any further harassment?

Look, you're a good daughter. Your mother is having a rough time, life is being unkind to her (n.b. life. Not you), it's hard to be sweet in her situation, and if you had absolutely nothing else on your plate I'm sure you'd be sitting by her bedside peeling grapes. But there we are: you do have other things on your plate, rather a full helping as it happens; and although she remains important to you there is no room for her on your priority list.

With a bit of luck you'll have scared the nurses away, for the time being at least. Good for you! Nothing terrible will happen to your mother if you (mentally, I mean; I'm not suggesting…) put her on ice for the duration. Your family can think and say what they like, because you will have your fingers in your ears and your mind on higher things. Time will pass. Before you know it your lovely new baby will be toddling, then in school, your older children with luck will meet nice older people who don't repel them and will discover that not all grannies are to be avoided, and you will be busy being a great wife and mother in a family that has your full attention. Later, perhaps, as leisure and inclination allow, in due course you can revive other relationships in more favourable circumstances; at which time they might have a better chance of success. Hold tight. It'll be worth it.

One other thought. You mention above that previously (before you knew better, would you say?) you "caved in" and were "taking care of everything…" I'm uncomfortably reminded of women who return time and again to their abusive partners. The giving in is a hard thing to resist. You make sure you do damn well resist: you'll be glad you did.

Come on. Drop everything that involves fighting, causes you anger and hurts you. This is not the time to deal with them. Good luck, and I wish you restful sleep and an easy, timely labour. xxx
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After I posted this, I felt like everything was handled with the "evil nurse". However, she struck again. My sister has been helping to raise funds to get my mother relocated (my brother and her have finally stepped up in this aspect). In doing so, they contacted one of my mother's 8 siblings (yes 8), and informed my aunt that she needs to be relocated.

My aunt has been spouting constant promises to help relocate my mother. We were calling her on her promises. Either she'd help or she was bluffing and feigning wanting to help.

The aunt then called the nursing home, and "evil nurse" had a gossip fest with this aunt. The "evil nurse" informed this aunt of everything including financial details, and how often I visit (etc).

While aunt was ready to help relocate my mother before, she is completely unwilling to now. Aunt is also under the impression NOW that SHE has a say in my mother's care, which she does not. This irks my brother and sister, as this aunt has NO SAY over the children. (She's not even paying for anything, and even if she was - still has no say in my mother's care etc) "Evil nurse" decided to inform aunt that my mother absolutely should not be relocated any other way then via a car ride (3-5 day trip) by ME. Yes, you heard that correctly. Evil nurse told my aunt that *I* should relocate my mother, and that no other family members should even need to be involved in this. Evil nurse told aunt that my mother couldn't get on a plane (which my mother can, and while the nursing home may not agree...it's possible and a LOT better for my mother then sitting up in a car for DAYS). This is also NOT up to the evil nurse, and between the doctor, siblings and I.

Evil nurse even said that it seems like I have a lot of money floating around (since when?). She told my aunt a lot of specifics about my mother's care, money, and myself. Now aunt is of the opinion that I am just being lazy, not putting my mother's care first, etc etc. She been tainted by the evil nurse now.

Mind you, this is no better then a stranger calling up and asking details about my mother. There has been multiple times I have warned the nursing home, and made sure there are notes in my mother's file, to NEVER discuss my mother's care/finances/etc with anyone but my brother, sister and I. (This is due to the fact that another aunt - not the same one - accused me of stealing my mother's money, and it was too much drama) This aunt has NOT been involved and only calls my mother MAYBE once a year (and that is after my sister tells her it's been a while and to call). She has no idea about my mother's condition, and from what was relayed - the evil nurse has no damn clue either.

So, I showed up to the nursing home (in my own little rental wheelchair) and had it out with the social worker. I was very polite, and I didn't lose my cool. The social worker claims she will speak with the nurse. I doubt anything will be done.

I also went to take measurements of my mother's wheelchair and to take a picture of it. The goal was to make sure it could either fit in my sister's home, and/or on an airplane (for her relocation). After over an hour and a half, they still could NOT find it. I was informed that while she was signed in with a wheelchair, and she obviously has one...that I need to bring the original purchase receipt for the wheelchair down to the nursing home...so that they can FIND it. Are you kidding me? Yes, another job for me to do due to their lack of professionalism. I wouldn't be surprised if another patient was actually using the wheelchair since my mother does not. Once I produce the receipt, which I shouldn't have to do, I am taking the wheelchair home with me until further notice.

I also asked the nurses station if her medication had been changed in the last month. Without even looking at the chart, evil nurse said no. Then she lectured me on how my mother was eating only 10% of what she had before, hence still needing a feeding tube (this is against what the doctor and social worker have said). (My mother is extremely overweight, and has been sleeping almost all the time for about a month. No, it's not depression - she REALLY wants to leave) I MADE that woman check her chart for any changes, which apparently there are none?, and informed her that it was hard to eat when you sleep ALL day. (It was so bad my mom couldn't even wake up to sign her name on a piece of paper. Even with the little nurses helping, it came out looking like scribble and she fell asleep again immediately)

At this point, I will find the receipt and continue to distance myself. So far the nursing home has done nothing concrete in regards to taking over the power of my mother's care/finances. They have made some steps, but nothing major.

I'm just fed up.
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I should also add that because of all the stress, etc, involved in this and just generally being pregnant...that I have started having stress attacks and yes, am in a wheelchair. I was hospitalized this past Monday for two days due to the pain of walking (this was immediately after visiting the nursing home). I am currently on a script for loretab (I'm actually allergic to this, but it beats taking 2-3 Tylenol 3s just to get my kids to school).

I am essentially sleeping all day after taking my medication and my doctor signed me up for physical therapy. I am unhappy with the physical therapy, as any idiot can see that ANY additional movement will only cause PERMANENT damage.

However, the physical therapy is required if I am to be induced before 39 weeks. There is a new hospital policy (as of last month, yay for my luck) that requires the physical therapy first THEN a referral to a doctor over 2 hours away....then I need to be approved.

So pretty much, I HAVE to last until 39 weeks or deal with additional pain and added expense. I don't know if I can even make the drive, I lasted about 15min before my husband had to turn around. (My puppy recently broke her femur and had to be drive to the same town for surgery, luckily my husband was here for that - as I couldn't make the drive at all)

I am essentially attempting to handle my health, but without any physical help - it's pretty much impossible. Dealing with this nursing home isn't helping me any, and even my sister is freaking out about all of this now.
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Have you called the state's ombudsman? I would definitely report the unprofessional violation of patient privacy by the evil nurse. But that can wait, perhaps, until Mom is relocated and your health is not so much at risk. But she should NOT be allowed to get away with that behavior!
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Put your complaint in writing and send it to the nursing home's manager, copied to your mother's social worker and, as Jeanne suggests, the ombudsman.

In second and subsequent pregnancies, the ligaments in your pelvis relax more than they do in the first pregnancy. The pain is real, has a clear cause, and will not be permanent. Improving your muscle tone will help, listen to your PT's advice. Immobility before labour will mean a much rougher labour, and is not good for your health or your baby's health. You'll also probably be more aware of Braxton Hicks contractions, to the extent that it really does feel a lot like labour (only not quite), especially on exertion. If you really can't bear standing or walking, find some other way to get your limbs moving - do tai chi lying down on the bed, dancercise in a chair, something. Read a funny book or watch a movie that makes you laugh, seriously you'll feel better for it. But listen to your PT, she knows what she's talking about.

You are heavily pregnant. Ignore the situation with your mother and concentrate on yourself, your child, your husband, your poor little dog (hope she's doing well), and, above all, your baby. I mean it. Your mother will be fine without your intervention. Leave her to the entire network of people who seem quite happy to meddle.
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In regards to SPD, this is the very first time I've EVER had it or any hint of it (this is pregnancy #3). Due to the severity of it - my doctor has strictly stated full on bedrest. My hips are so far separated that my doctor is concerned my immobility might be permanent now (good chance of surgery for repair after labor). We are taking extreme measures to ensure that I can walk after labor. I am to use a wheelchair when I am out and about town (which I try to avoid going into public, as I receive numerous comments from strangers about "handicapped" people having children...or the stares...). The immobility is the only thing keeping my sanity through the pain, at the moment. I feel the pain even laying down in bed, while on medication, but it is nowhere near actually trying to move. I am currently taking tylenol 3 AND hydrocodone/loretab for the pain. I do feel the braxton hicks as real labor now, but that is NOTHING compared to the excruciating pain when I have to move my hips/legs even an inch. The PT is strictly for a referral to get induced before 39 weeks, not for actual PT (as all doctors involved agree any additional movement do not help my case). This referral is required for anyone in the general area requesting an earlier induction.

This is yet another attempt to make sure I can walk after labor. We are aiming for being pregnant as long as possible, but if my hips separate more or the pain continues to get exponentially worse - we want a back up referral just in case. My doctor is at the point of MAKING me stay in the hospital and basically chaining me to the bed, to ensure I do NOT move. I've been able to deter her from this so far.

I will see if I can contact an ombudsman after I give birth. I have contacted the APS. They were not happy with some of things I told them about this nursing home. I did find the user's manual for the wheelchair, and will mail them a copy of the picture (less work), when I get around to it.

I am happy to know that this IS a violation of the patient's privacy. I was unsure at first, when I found out, and that is why I spoke to the social worker first. Good thing to know that I had a point when I complained. I'm still trying to figure out why this "evil nurse" is willingly acting like this and purposefully breaking the law.
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My guess would be that "evil" nurse = "nurse who's got hold of the wrong end of the stick and won't give it up for any money." She thinks she's helping your mother. She's an idiot, and completely out of her tree; but if you want to know why - that's probably why, by the sound of it.

You're not having twins, are you? Just wondering.

I'm sure your Obs people know what they're doing, too. [Yes, I'm sorry I only remembered after my post that you have two older children; but this still makes sense. I don't want to depress you (!) but the post-partum/lactation contractions get quite a lot worse, too] Are they aware of all this family aggravation you're trying to deal with? - because I'll bet they're urging you to leave it alone.

We worry. Do please find a way to relax, anything that works for you. Take care x
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I know in the later stages of a pregnancy when your hormones are all haywire the last thing you desire is a hospital bed. But have you considered it might actually be a relief. You would not have to struggle to do anything for yourself. No meals to cook, no laundry, no childcare, no driving, no shopping. JUST YOU. There are probably ,some simple exercises you can do in the bed. Then it's eat, sleep, read, or use your computer. Most hospitals have free Wi-Fi these days if you have or can borrow a laptop hint early Christmas present!!!!! Think about it. This new life you are nurturing comes first, give him/her the best chance by keeping him/her for the longest time in that cozy warm womb of yours where he/she has nothing to do but relax and grow.
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LOL! I did consider some of my hospital stays a relief. I've been hospitalized upwards of 8 times this pregnancy so far (massive dehydration, inability to walk, etc). No, not twins. First boy though, and he is creating WAY too much testosterone. I did hear rumors that this could get worse each week it goes on. I would say that is true, for now. Since Halloween, it's gotten progressively worse each week and I'm hoping there is a "cap" to how bad it gets.

My husband came up with a fantastic idea this afternoon. He called his mother and she is flying out tonight to come and help until the baby is born. This includes dealing with the nursing home. She pretty much dropped everything and was astonished that no one else (his sister live less then 2 blocks away, and many uncles/cousins/etc live less then an hour away) has even attempted to try to help. Pretty much they all just ignore the kids and I...when she found out that not even his sister was helping, she flipped and booked a plane immediately (sister in law can go to Idaho to visit friends, but can't drop by the house once in a while to help me??). She should be here by tomorrow night. She's going to stay here until/after the baby is born (which could be upwards of a month?). She's even doing a 7 hr layover between flights. (She's a doctor, and knows how serious this can be) Phew, kids are covered at the very least.

She even offered to take the user's manual for the wheelchair down to the nursing home for me! O.O! Wow. I'm baffled. I didn't want to beg her for help, since his father died last year and she's been in a rough spot...but, she's REALLY nice. So, any help...is help at the moment.

I did some looking into the evil nurse too. She just started working there a few weeks ago. I know they change staff constantly, but damn... Brand new. Crazy. I bet they won't act like this to my mother-in-law, she doesn't take garbage from anyone.
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Tongue in cheek: I hope your mil won't take any garbage from you either! NOW will you get some rest???!!!

Full marks to your husband, and hope the pregnancy gets easier from here. xxx
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Good for MIL. I hope she brings a heavy stethoscope and hits a few people round the ears with it.
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Just wanted to update you all on what was going on with the evil nurse. My MIL DID bring in the picture and user's manual for the wheelchair, with specific instructions that we needed the original back in our hands (aka they make a copy of it, and find the wheelchair!). They have the copies now, and are currently "looking" for it. No idea how long that will take.

I also made a phone call to the billing specialist there, and checked to make sure that they were taking over financially. They are, and have officially been paid their very first check out of a brand new REAL bank account. (It took me 3 months to originally get a bank account and set up direct deposit for her. For some reason in this state, over 6 different banks required THREE forms of ID and even with a POA they wanted my mother to physically come into the bank...which obviously wasn't going to happen.) So hardest part: done.

Evil nurse has since been fired. I'm not sure the exact details, but apparently, she was rubbing a LOT of people the wrong way besides just me. I do know that two of the social workers there said that she had been attempting to "guilt" other family members, and there were other complaints against her from them too. She had only been working there about 3 weeks before being terminated.

So, YAY!!!!!! Go nursing home!

I also found out that my hips are officially "dislocated" by 3-4 inches. Ouchies. I am currently working with a "feminine physical therapist" to help realign them with "gentle manipulation" (the irony is that it's not gentle at all). So far we can keep my hips aligned for an hour per day, before they pop back out of place again - and after only ONE appointment!!!! :):):):) I was told if it had gone 2 more inches that I'd need surgery for a hip replacement or plates in the future. I was also told that I WILL have this issue AFTER giving birth, but not nearly as extreme (no baby pushing down etc etc).

So, I'm doing better AND I walked around the house today for 10 minutes without any help! Score! I even managed to visit my mom - quickly - the other day (she's really out of it, sleeping all the time for some reason...but she's not on narcotics so I don't know what's up with that). She said she loved me, and that was pretty much it before she fell asleep again.
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Well done. Wait till you know how your hips are before making decisions for hip replacement at such a young age. It may mean a lot of intensive PT to strengthen muscles and ligaments or perhaps the orthopod can shorten some of the stretched ligaments and keep the joints in place. Replacement joints rely on the same mechanism to keep the joints in place so don't do it if there are other alternatives. Keep caring for that baby, let MIL keep you in line.
As far as moving Mom, it does not sound as though she will be moving if she has become as drowsy as you describe. With the previous feeding issues and now the drowsiness it sounds as though she is declining. Ask her Dr to tell you what her condition is. I don't mean to add other worries for you but also don't want you to get a sad surprise at a critical moment.
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I'm so glad to hear better news; and hope you have a good recovery post partum. Not long now, hang in there! xxx
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Sorry, it's been a very long time. I have just received yet another phone call (at 7am) from the nursing home in which my mother has lost 15 lbs in two weeks, and do I want a feeding tube (again)? My answer was yes. They also informed me that she might of developed pneumonia, and do we send her to the hospital? Once again, my answer is yes. The other side comments were that it looks like my mother is pretty much preparing to die (I am not surprised, as she has been pretty much catatonic for the last three weeks...and no, we have NO IDEA why. Not even her doctor knows, so I will be going to the ER with her to make sure they figure our WHAT is going on. Hopefully, I won't get bronchitis/pneumonia myself...as they refuse at this hospital to induce when that sick!).

Also, somehow, they got my mother to sign a DNR within the last two weeks. Without my consent, or anyone else's consent. So they also called me to see if I was going to override the DNR (POA and all...). As of right now, I have told them to treat her and try to make her better...when the DNR is needed or needs to be decided on - then I will decide (with the sibblings).

So, she is being sent to the ER due to her weight loss AND pneumonia. I'm going to head down the ER in a little bit, hopefully I won't get bronchitis myself (again).

All this, and I'm in active labor...being induced on Monday. (I got screwed by the 39 week rule, and then some red tape...so I was sent home and told to "wait it out" until my inducement or until I am more then 4cm dilated. GR!) This is all VERY bad timing.
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Darling, if you can't delegate when you're actually in labour, when can you? SOMEBODY else has got to deal with your mother until you're safely delivered. Please. I beg you. x
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The person calling this morning is the REHIRED idiot nurse. Her name is Kathy. I am unsure when she was rehired, but it was the SAME WOMAN. I didn't put two and two together until AFTER I got home. I shall give you a play by play of my day, before getting home. ;P It should be funny later on in life, OR helpful to someone.

Well, I attempted to delegate the problem...however my entire family was called (both siblings and I) and told that my mother was pretty much dying and needed to go to the ER immediately (I am naturally the only one in the area to go with her). For a direct quote it was: "Your mother has given up, it is time to take her to an ER, figure out if she has a DNR, and say goodbye". This was told to all THREE of us over the phone at 7am this morning. I received the first phone call, woke up/called the other two siblings...who then were told the SAME EXACT thing by evil nurse (either she called them or they called her).

So, at 7am this morning...I received the phone call that my mother was dying from evil nurse. I was told that she has pneumonia, sweating profusely, "has given up", signed a DNR and DNT (do not treat) form two weeks ago (unsure WHY this was signed, as this is NOT her beliefs at all - nor EVER were), she lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks, and needed a feeding tube (AGAIN WITH THIS!!!!!). I inform evil nurse to get the transportation ready, as my mother WILL be getting treated and going to the ER - if that is what the doctor wants to do. But, make sure to call the doctor first!

So, I informed evil nurse to call her doctor while I discussed options with the siblings. Sister agrees with everything I am deciding, so I call back. Evil nurse tells me she never called the doctor, and my mother is NOW refusing to even go to the hospital (my mom was claiming she's not sick and as per usual fighting her care). So, I tell her to call the doctor and I am heading over there. Evil nurse supposedly calls the doctor (I doubt this now, but at the time I believed her!!!). I also inform evil nurse that I am in active labor, and want to be 100% sure before going in - and exposing myself to pneumonia/bronchitis - that it is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED! (They will NOT induce at this hospital while sick with pneumonia)

She also calls my sister. While she is informing my sister that my mother is dying, she throws in a side comment of: "Well, I didn't even want to call AlysrianXian, because last time I spoke with her...she screamed at me and didn't want to take responsibility for your mother at all!" I don't find out about this until later, and my sister was near hysterical already...so this comment did NOT help at all. (Sister later tells me that she found it funny that evil nurse was trying to "rat" me out) Totally inappropriate. This is how I found out she was evil nurse, and had been rehired.

I show up to nursing home, mom changes her mind and wants to go in (not that it mattered at that point, as we are told that the doctor said she needed to go in - I doubt he was called tho). So, we are told to wait for the transport. We wait from 8:45am til 9:45am for a transport. Yes, it took a full HOUR even with calling ahead, and in a town like this...you could drive around town 10 times in that amount of time. So, if my mom was REALLY dying - she'd have been dead already. I'm also losing my patience at this point, so much so that my husband has to take me out of the nursing home to calm me down.

Side note: my mother's newest roommate broke her hip, is 100% mentally competent...and decides to take this time to corner both of us in the hallway and scream at us about how MEAN my mother is. I am not kidding, we are worrying she is dying...and this woman corners us to yell about how mean my mom is. Wow.

Transport arrives, and we follow it to the ER. Get there, and get inside AFTER my mom is wheeled in. My husband suddenly freaks out and goes: "Woah, you're dragging her foot under the wheelchair". So they fix my mom's paralyzed foot that was being dragged, and the transport basically ditches us almost immediately afterwards.

While I am signing her in, I glance down at the floor (I was having a contraction, so was trying to focus on the floor tile). There is a TRAIL of blood on the floor, coming from my mom's foot. WTF! A nurse is called immediately, and she lifts my mom's leg to carry while my husband wheels my mom into the ER room. Blood is everywhere, they throw out her sock as it's soaked through and then they try to wrap it to stop the bleeding. (I'm horrible with blood...)

Okay, so they do the blood drawing, tell me she needs xrays of her foot AND her chest (checking for pneumonia), and everything else under the sun. Basically, at this point I am just trying to keep my mom calm and talking to her about the most random BS you can come up (all the while, my contractions are at 3 minutes apart and mucus plug is being released everytime I stand up - yay).

I step outside to make a phone call to the siblings to update them, and come back to nurse (he was fantastic). He tells me he called the nursing home for more information about what was going on, and was told THE SAME THINGS my sister and I were told earlier. Thus, they are investigating what's wrong with her hardcore. Then he tells me that my mom freaked out on the pregnant xray technician (she called her a bitch, and tried to hit the tech /sigh)...and it's a good thing I am there because otherwise they couldn't even treat her, etc.

Sigh. Turns out that my mother has bronchitis, the beginnings of a UTI, and her foot was so badly mangled that there was no skin left on her toes. There was gravel stuck in her foot, and they couldn't suture it because there was nothing really to suture. She also gets a tetanus shot. We are then discharged at 2pm, with a heavy dose of antibiotics that covers all three problems.

The doctor's final parting words? "This didn't require an ER visit".

I am going to take this time now to rest some more, and since the nursing home won't be open until Monday... (my inducement date) I have told my sister to call and ream them a new one. I have told the siblings that I am out of commission for two weeks, at least. I have also told them that I am fed up, and for them to deal with it - as this entire debacle was caused by the same woman exaggerating AGAIN.

My sister was hysterical, I was in pain, and my brother was at work sobbing at his desk...all because of evil nurse again.

PS. My phone is turned off for the next two weeks, and my husband has hidden it. My MIL had to be physically barred from leaving the house, as she is FURIOUS over what happened.
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