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I originally posted my issue a while earlier. Here's a link to that: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-needs-relocated-to-another-state-162029.htm?cpage=5

I informed the nursing home on Oct 30th that I wanted to be removed from ALL responsibilities regarding my mother. They started the process of removing me financially from any/all liability almost immediately.

Today, I received a phone call at 3:09pm from one of the nurses telling me that my mom is refusing to eat. I called back at 3:19pm, and was told that the nurse I needed to speak with was in a meeting and to call back in half an hour.

I called back 45 minutes later, and was told that *someone* at the nursing home let it slip that I was moving and now my mother is depressed and refusing to eat. I'm unsure what they want me to do about that, as I'm not a doctor.

When I asked what could be done, the nurse tried to guilt me into taking care of my mother and how dare I be moving. I officially went off on her. I informed not so nicely that I worked 3 jobs (prior to getting pregnant) just to afford her dental appointments that are NOT covered by medicaid, and that while I may be her child - I have gone above and beyond MY call of duty.

The nurse's response was: well you're her kid. Well, what would you do if she had no relatives at all? It is not MY call to make if she needs a feeding tube or not. I had to threaten her with APS (Adult Protective Services), and I wasn't very nice about it. I said that this is the reason she is in a damn nursing home to begin with, and it's about time they started doing their job.

Harsh? Yes. But, I'm actually REALLY angry that I am once again being told to "step up" by someone and being lectured/guilted into taking care of her.

Was this the appropriate response? I have been begging the nursing home for over two years to just do their job. What if they call back and want me to make a decision again? Should I just ignore their calls?

PS. I was diagnosed with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction), and my doctor said under ZERO circumstances should I be walking or stressing. We already had one scare where the baby almost fell out (Halloween Day) uterus and all. My ligaments/pubic bones have shifted so badly that the baby can actually do that now. I can't even sit on a couch or drive a car anymore.

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Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
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Alysrian~I am sorry about your difficult pregnancy. I can relate to that right now as my daughter is pregnant with twins and she is now 30 weeks. She has been diagnosed with preeclampsia and was hospitalized for 4 days. As soon as her blood pressure was up and there was protein in the urine they ran a test for gestational diabetes and a liver function test. When that came back negative...they put her in the hospital. After 2 days, the protein had risen and so did the uric acid...but on the 3rd and 4th day, it stayed stable so a specialist said she could go home but has to see her ob 2 x's a week for bp checks and once a week for blood work and an ultrasound. She is now 30 weeks and has been home one week and everything is staying stable. She can no longer work until after the boys are born. It is a week by week situation as to whether they will deliver her early depending on her blood work and the ultra sound regarding how the placentas are functioning. I am so sorry you had to miss so much time. Yes your ob should have followed through at your regular ob appt. when bp was up and protein in the urine. This is why they do a urine test at every appt.
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Also, one of the main reasons my mother wasn't really "speaking" was because she had pneumonia for well over a month before being admitted. She was never diagnosed either. She was originally diagnosed with bronchitis, but I was told she was getting better. That is obviously not the case. By the time I was finally allowed to see her, she couldn't speak and had to lift her hand up for yes/no questions. She speaks just fine now, and her attitude isn't so nasty anymore. She stopped throwing things at people. :)
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Grr... I forgot to mention that a lot of the issues I was having DURING my pregnancy, was related to not being diagnosed with eclampsia. If I had been diagnosed, I would not have had a lot of the water breaking, pre-labor, and other issues. I have since changed my OB doctor, as this is something I feel she should have easily diagnosed within 9 months. She didn't even bother to run a test....she had the samples, but didn't run the test.
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Wow...so it's been a long, long time. Lots to update. And...lots to make everyone smile! Hopefully.

After writing on the 10th, I was admitted into the hospital on the 12th for early labor. My water had broken, yet again, and we spent the night in the hospital (until about 3am) trying to STOP labor. I was stuck in the middle of a hard place. 1) I was scheduled for induction the next day at 6am (3 hours later...) so the hospital itself didn't want to waste an appointment (their words, not mine), and 2) the hospital is currently being swapped over to Obamacare - which as some of you know, requires ALL patients being induced to be 40 weeks on the dot unless it is dangerous for the patient. I was 39 weeks 6 days at the time I was admitted, and according to them not in any danger.

I gave birth on the 13th. I was medically induced at 6am. I was actually released with a sedative at 3am, and wound up getting about an hour of sleep. My mother in law was fantastic! I had no issues with the birth - at all. He was out in maybe 2 pushes. He was so fast that even the nurses and doctor were trying to convince me it wasn't "time yet". (Any mother knows WHEN it's time to push, you really have no control at a certain point...) I didn't tear or have ANY issues until later. The delivering doctor actually told the nurses that they didn't want me to go into labor until 5pm, because they were busy at the golf course until then. He also made sure all 3 of us giving birth that day did so within minutes of each other.

My hip knocked back into place about an hour after delivery. It sounded like I broke my back and the nurses freaked out. I thought their reactions were hysterical. I was laughing so hard that I started to cry. I was bouncing around the hospital room within 4 hours of giving birth. My children and mother in law were NOT allowed to see us while I was in the hospital due to a FLU ban. Thus, I pushed to be released within 24 hours. I jumped through a lot of hoops to get this done. I even was harassed about paternity of my child (?? I've been married 15 years...) before being released. I jumped through hoops that weren't hospital policy, just to get out and back home. (My mother in law flew back home the day I was released)

WHILE I was induced AND during my epidural (great time for a phone call!), I received a phone call from the ER. My mother was being admitted again. They wouldn't tell me much other then that my mother was REFUSING treatment (again) and I needed to come down right away. Uh huh. Like THAT is going to happen!

I will readily admit that I lost my patience. I told them to put me on speaker phone. I yelled at my mother that it was not an option, she is getting treatment and I couldn't come down. I didn't fall for her fake tears and didn't let her try to manipulate me into coming to babysit her. I told her that I was her POA, and currently in labor. I was NOT going downstairs mid-labor to babysit her and she needed to suck it up. (I know, not very smooth)

This actually caused the nurse in the ER (that called me) to call social services. They were concerned about "elder abuse". HA! What about these nurses, do they NOT understand...the #1 time NOT to annoy someone with bullshit, is WHEN they are in labor! Yes, the nurse calling AND my mother KNEW I was in labor - as that was the first words out of my mouth. Insanity!

To make things even worse, while I was bouncing around after labor, they went through my POA and tried to claim that it was NOT valid. The heck they say! According to the nurse, same one who called social services, my mother was completely 100% mentally competent. My mother's doctors called (all 4 of them - including her psychiatrist) on their DAY OFF, to tell the nurses and head of the hospital that she is NOT competent and my POA stands. Her main doctor actually came into the hospital FOR ME, to watch over her while I was in labor. Supposedly, the hospital staff placed my mother in "lockdown" until they could decide what to do about my POA. (Obviously it was real, and obviously social services couldn't do a damn thing about my telling my mother to accept treatment...they might not of liked how I said it, but it was said...so tuff noogies for you!)

I didn't hear back from them AFTER I told them to admit her and do whatever was necessary to make her feel better. My sister stepped up hardcore on this big time. She even went so far as to record every single phone call she had with them, thus according to what I was told later...sent up "red flags" to the hospital's lawyers and locked my mother down tighter then a triple knotted shoe string. So basically, no one knew what was going on or what was wrong with her. Even my mother's doctor was supposedly barred from my mother. (Sadly, he only sees her once a month - and this was his day off...so...he had no idea what was really going on...)

The day I was being released from the hospital, I felt VERY sick. My husband actually wound up getting the flu while he was there with me, and yes, I had to fight for him to be in the delivery room because of their "flu ban". (I also had to fight with them to let my husband hold my son first, but that is a whole 'nother story) I figured it was probably the flu that was going around, and we sent my mother in law home. Turns out, I had gained a brand new disease! Spinal meningitis AND postpartum pre-eclampsia hit with full force (plus a lot of other issues).

I went to the ER on the first day being out, after a seizure in the bath (my husband saved me from drowning after my puppy was going NUTS - his words, not mine). They diagnosed me with a "hormonal headache". (I knew it wasn't a hormonal headache, and this was definitely NOT one) I was released, but then quickly started having more seizures, vision fading to black, headaches, backaches...the whole 9. It was rough. I cried in massive pain that first night and a half. I couldn't have lights on anywhere near me. I was dying, though I didn't know it at the time.

My pediatrician scheduled me for an emergency appointment on January 15th (~2 days after giving birth). She took one look at me, called the ER and made sure they knew I was coming. Told me not to drive myself, and basically put the fear of God into me. Ripped my kids out of school, and I went in immediately. They took over an hour to see me, placed me near a public bathroom that ECHOES (ouch...) and then fought me about why I was there. Duh, I am here because I am REALLY sick and my doctor sent me..?

Once again, they tried to turn me away. According to the ER physician on duty, "google doesn't have all the answers. I found that odd, as I didn't mention google nor did I diagnos myself. (I was literally just hiding in my hooded sweatshirt trying to avoid sound and light). Also, my doctor is the one that called ahead to make sure they ran the tests on me...so...wth...

After my husband caused a stink, he made sure that they ran a few tests AND called the pediatrician. I was officially diagnosed with spinal meningitis, postpartum pre-eclampsia (I was never diagnosed due to not being considered a "risk factor" - not over 30, not overweigh, etc), and a slew of other issues (I forget the others, but some were low iron and stuff). Those first two weeks are a massive blur to me. I was told the nurses stopped counting my seizures after 27. Two weeks in, and I remember being really sick and wondering how my mom is doing.

Turns out, my mom was actually next door to me, THE WHOLE TIME. No one had told me OR my husband! (He is also on the POA and they obviously had both of our phone numbers) When I found out, I hit the roof. I demanded to see her, know what was going on, and everything else. Did you know they asked my mother if it was "okay"? Funny. My mom said it was fine and was surprised they were asking, as she KNOWS I have POA for exactly this reason. She was completely out of it, so I'm surprised she even said it was okay or remembered who I was.

The condition she was in - was pretty much death. She had yeast infections, fungal infections, loss of body weight by 30% (which is a lot, because she was WAY overweight before), her blood pressure meds were no longer working, she couldn't see because her eyes were covered in bacteria...and a slew of other issues. The doctor assigned to her was even surprised that I had not been made aware of her condition, when I was right.next.door.

Before I was released, I set up a treatment plan for her and went home myself. I mainly just remember her doctor going on and on about what was wrong with her, and how she wasn't responding to ANY medications. The doctor also said they were hand feeding her (this was news for me), as she couldn't physically lift her hand to feed herself. I basically just listened to him rattle off her issues and leaning against a wall (bad lactation nurse was sitting in the ONLY chair). I was really just trying not to pass out.

The only bad nurses I had were actually the final two. One was a male (turns out he was new), and he was the one that was refusing me to see my mother. He actually told me no, when I asked if I could see her (this caused me to start bawling like a baby, and freak everyone else out...because I had never once gotten emotional that entire time). The other was a training to be "lactation consultant", also new. She was trying to push me to pump, but when you have meningitis...you could easily infect your child that way...obviously, I wasn't going to do it and she wasn't understanding that. This same nurse also forgot to take out my IV from my arm when I left, thus making me have to turn around and go back to have it removed. She also never informed me when I was actually released, and I spent an additional 2 hours in the recovery ward until I asked if I could go.

I actually had to be quarantined for a good month (a little over a month and a half total) after I was released from the hospital a second time. During my recovery in the hospital, no one was allowed to see me at all. I was stuck in the bed/bathroom that entire time covered in sticky notes (I couldn't remember ANYTHING for 4 months). My girls would poke their heads in the room every once in a while, and I basically just slept an entire month. (I slept a good 22 hours a day back then)

During my stay in the hospital and at home, we used skype to watch cartoons with the kids and just hang out. We used the phone an awful lot. I was miserable, but I didn't let it show to the nurses. I was the life of the hopsital. Nurses would come into my room just to "chill out" or listen to my jokes. I was an easy patient. Never hit the call button unless it was for my medication. Told them during shift changes exactly what I'd need (soda, ice chips, no light, close the door), so they wouldn't have to check on me every hour. I basically wanted to be left alone, and I think they all understood that. My hubby was denied paternity leave, but I threatened a law suit (I was an attorney after all...)...and they finally gave it to him for two months. He did FANTASTIC while I was sick! (Though he'd never admit it, he was really worried about me and still is. He also cried when he saw me the day I was released. When I got home, he held me for a good hour in bed - then he de-germed himself)

I didn't get to see my son but for 2 days for the first month and a half of his life. I am angry about that. You cannot imagine how difficult it was for me to KNOW I have a son "somewhere", and not be able to hold him or take care of him. Yes, I got to see him on Skype or hear him crying or listen to stories about him...but it was definitely not the same. I cried every night, even when I got home and no one was allowed near me. (My husband had to wear surgical masks and gloves just to enter the room...then wash himself off completely after he left... We wound up having to buy the mask, gloves, and a blood pressure monitor from walmart after I was released. I was also on about 50 different medications that needed to be filled immediately.)

It also turns out that all 3 of the mothers giving birth (myself included) got spinal meningitis during our epidurals, due to a nurse having bronchitis and coughing on us. That same nurse killed one new baby boy, almost killed me, and the final mother only had a mild reaction. (We all had boys by the way, and we were the ONLY ones delivering. No, she didn't even wear a face mask...and yes it was ALL traced back to her via doctors and tests) The mother that lost her son is suing the nurse specficially. I am not sure of the outcome of that, and I'd rather not keep tabs on it...as it reminds me just how close we were to something so devestating.

My mother wound up recovering, and it was acknowledged that the nursing home wasn't feeding her OR cleaning her. She didn't have the strength to feed herself, so the nurses were giving her "protein shakes". My sister and I pitched a fit about that, and MADE SURE they were hand feeding her at EVERY meal. My sister has also taken care of EVERYTHING in regards to my mother. I JUST visit now, and (like next week) I occasionally do the care conferences.

I also called adult protective services. They did an investigation (I almost transferred her to another home an hour away). Immediately after the investigation, my mother's health dramatically became better. I saw her yesterday, and while she is still in la-la land, she is completely recovered from her near death experience. I do NOT know if anyone was fired or what happened with the investigation. I DO know that I was a brat on the phone when describing my mother's situation. The person I spoke with was appalled at what I told them, and immediately looked into it all.

Side note/Funny Story: My mother thinks there is a hole in the floor leading to the basement, that is filled with water. She claims my youngest daughter will fall through it and is constantly telling her to MOVE or me to pick her up. It's also the reason she won't get up in the middle of the night to go potty. Uh huh.

Also, while in the hospital...I made up Pokemon personas for every single nurse. I'll have to find my list at some point. It was really funny.

As per me, I am recovering VERY slowly. I had a lot of memory issues for MONTHS. I would do things like put candles in the sink, but really put them in the dishwasher (this cost me $500 for a new dishwasher...). I also put toys in the washing machine, instead of the tub, and now my washing machine sounds like a plane is taking off (we had to completely take it apart to remove the toys). I survived on sticky notes and calendars for MONTHS, until I could remember enough to SURVIVE in the real world. I wasn't allowed to drive until about a week ago. My doctor, husband, and I were terrifed my vision would fade with the kids in the car.

I do still get the headaches, backaches, light issues, and stuff. I am still on hydrocodone, managing my blood pressure (I still get vision issues), and taking sumatripten. I don't have daily issues, but when I get a cold (even a minor one)...I am sent right back to square one for at least a week (sometimes my hip knocks out of place still too). My pediatrician is actually helping me cope with all of my issues. I also require at least 16 hours of sleep now.

I started driving and taking care of the kids full time about 2 months ago. I love every minute of it. I came out of this entire experience with one key thing: I don't have the time or the patience to put up with the bullshit anymore. My husband reminds me daily that I almost died and to take it easy (he still worries about me everyday). But, no, I am here for my children. THEY are the reason I am alive. Without them, I would have easily given up.

Yes, I was unsurprisingly diagnosed with postpartum depression. But, I am managing that too. No medications for it. I look at my children, and that's all I need. I keep myself 100% busy 24-7, and don't think about being sad. I take it one day at a time.

My son was born healthy and happy. He is what you'd consider an "angel baby". Rarely cries, but when he does - it's for a reason. Always smiling. Very happy. My girls LOVE him to death and like to play at being "little mommy". My mother keeps calling him my brother's name though. Sigh. Some things will never change.

My son knows me now, and his first words were "mama" when he was upset. He also does a weird crawling backwards thing that is absolutely hysterical. He did NOT get spinal meningitis from me. Phew.
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Wow! Folks, You can't make this stuff up! Nurse Cratchett needs a huge attitude adjustment Every communication regarding this nurse needs to be made in writing to the director of nursing AND the NH administrator. I am sure she documents everything you and your family does/says ..By the way.... how did the delivery turn out?
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It sounds to me that a guilt trip put upon you by a professional nurse in very poor standing and possibly unethical behavior. Although a complaint would probably be ineffective. However, I would be sure to explain to said nurse my situation and reasoning behind why you did what you did. A food strike is unlikely to last and that responsibility is not yours. You must, above all, maintain your health and mental comfort for your future and the future of your child. I would steer totally clear until you are clinically safe and revisit later when the situation is better for you.
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Notenoughtime. This has been so difficult for you but you have no guilt to worry about.
A feeding tube would not have helped your Dad in fact it would probably have made his passing even more difficult. Although he seemed healthy at 91 he was in fact already slowly dying from his cancer. He had been loosing weight and contracted pneumonia plus he had difficulty swallowing all signs that something was wrong. he did not know and nor did you so again there is not need for guilt.
It is always very difficult to watch someone pass with the terminal secretions you describe but you were there to comfort him. Nothing helps at this time, trying to suction just makes it worse . The fear you saw in his eyes was very real but probably not because he was dying but because he could not breath which is always terrifying whatever the reason. the Dilaudid was given for sedation to try and calm the fear not for pain relief and it was a very compassionate action. When someone is dying artificail feeding puts more stress on essential organs. Letting Mother Nature take it's course is the kindest action so the body can slow down and finally stop essentail functions. In retrospect you made the right decision and were there with your Dad which was the most important action you could take. Dad is resting in peace so give yourself permission to relax and and grieve for the loss but also celebrate Dad's long life and let his final hours fade from memory. They were tough at the time but far better than suffering from long months of treating the cancer and finally having a similar end. Blessings
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Notenoughtime, you did what you could - you DO NOT deserve to feel guilt. If your dad was a much younger man, fighting for a feeding tube might have made some sense, but with cancer and pneumonia (even though he recovered from the pneumonia) at 91, I'm sure the doctors did what they felt was in his best interest and you (rightfully) listened to them.

I'm so sorry that your dad had a somewhat difficult passing, but with cancer of the esophagus, his ability to eat food and recover were probably just not there at his age. If he couldn't have a feeding tube put into his abdomen, he was in a very bad physical shape. You did what you could...please, please don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure your dad wouldn't want that for you.
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I hope someone can help me with the extreme guilt I'm feeling over not insisting on a feeding tube for my father, and the trauma of watching him suffocate from water in his lungs 3 weeks later. He was originally admitted for pneumonia and difficulty swallowing food. After the hospital gave him a "swallowing test", he aspirated and then was given a ct scan and the hospital said he had cancer of the esophagus, a!so weight loss and ascites. I was with him 24/7, except to go home and shower every few days. The Dr.s had him on an I V for hydration and medication. My Dad did get over the pneumonia, also he told me he had no pain and didn't believe he had cancer. He was in good health prior to the pneumonia, except for losing a lot of weight. After the aspiration incident, he was sometimes lucid, sometimes not, but always believed he would get better. I repeatedly asked for a feeding tube, but all the Dr.s told me that it " would only feed the cancer", get infected, or pulled out. They left the saline IV in for 3 weeks & I saw my Dad slowly starve/waste away. Also, they did nothing to improve his condition in the ICU, pushed our family to move him to palliative care (one Dr. even said to me just as we were moving him"you do realize now we won't be doing anything to help him recover" when they hadn't done anything in ICU anyway to help him swallow or tube feed him. ) After we got to palliative care my Dad asked me "what happened", all he could say through the dilaudin they gave him, even though he said he was NOT ever in any pain from the cancer. He only lasted a week in palliative/comfort care, no feeding tube, just salt water IV and so much dilaudin he slept constantly. Now, I feel tremendous guilt over not demanding a feeding tube, every night I just am in emotional hell over not getting one for him. He wanted to live and never gave up. I also can't get over him struggling all the last night of his life to breathe and then slowly suffocating, with terrible gasping sounds, as he died while looking into my eyes. I'll never forget the breathing noises, or the look of fear in my Dad's eyes. If there is anyone who can tell me if a feeding tube would have helped or if the Dr.s were right when they said " it would only feed the cancer and wouldn't help" please let me know, because this guilt is awful and I feel I let my Dad down so badly. (By the way, he was 91, but still active, still drove his car, and very healthy until all this suddenly happened over a span of about a month, and was even planning a vacation with me). I feel I failed him and need to know if a feeding tube inserted into his upper thigh would have made him recover.
(He was too weak to have it directly inserted into his abdomen. Sorry this is so long, just trying to describe the situation clearly. This guilt and seeing him die is getting worse every day. Would a feeding tube have helped build his strength/recovery? Any helpful information would be very appreciated. Thanks
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Concentrate on the birth. This is not your first baby, you have had a "show' and your waters have clearly broken. babies come quick and you could have complications so get to the hospital and refuse to leave. At this point you should be properly monitored to keep that little boy safe. Good luck
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Utah. In the canyon. It's a smallish college town. There is only one nursing home, and the other is an "assisted living", which my mom doesn't qualify for (since she needs full time care and not parttime).
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Where are you? Just so that I know NEVER to be ill in that state?

No more thinking about your mother for two weeks, now, you promised! Best of luck for a good, safe delivery x
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So, for those you NOT reading the lengthy message I just wrote...I spent 7 hours in a hospital with a supposedly dying mother, while in labor, just to find out that evil nurse has returned....and is back to her crap. (She even told the hospital staff that my mother was dying, and a LOT of other made up BS to make her "case" seem strongly...when in fact, most of it wasn't true at all)

Also the male nurse at the hospital, offered to watch the transport pick up my mother so that I could go home and rest. I was apparently leaking mucus plug and my water was leaking, all over the hospital floor. Yup, the nurses and hospital staff noticed.

Now, we are waiting to see if I am dilated enough or if I am going to wait til my inducement date. The sad part is: my husband has HUGE hands, and I can't physically reach to figure out how dilated I am. So, this is a waiting game now. Either I go in when I can't deal anymore, or I wait until inducement.
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The person calling this morning is the REHIRED idiot nurse. Her name is Kathy. I am unsure when she was rehired, but it was the SAME WOMAN. I didn't put two and two together until AFTER I got home. I shall give you a play by play of my day, before getting home. ;P It should be funny later on in life, OR helpful to someone.

Well, I attempted to delegate the problem...however my entire family was called (both siblings and I) and told that my mother was pretty much dying and needed to go to the ER immediately (I am naturally the only one in the area to go with her). For a direct quote it was: "Your mother has given up, it is time to take her to an ER, figure out if she has a DNR, and say goodbye". This was told to all THREE of us over the phone at 7am this morning. I received the first phone call, woke up/called the other two siblings...who then were told the SAME EXACT thing by evil nurse (either she called them or they called her).

So, at 7am this morning...I received the phone call that my mother was dying from evil nurse. I was told that she has pneumonia, sweating profusely, "has given up", signed a DNR and DNT (do not treat) form two weeks ago (unsure WHY this was signed, as this is NOT her beliefs at all - nor EVER were), she lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks, and needed a feeding tube (AGAIN WITH THIS!!!!!). I inform evil nurse to get the transportation ready, as my mother WILL be getting treated and going to the ER - if that is what the doctor wants to do. But, make sure to call the doctor first!

So, I informed evil nurse to call her doctor while I discussed options with the siblings. Sister agrees with everything I am deciding, so I call back. Evil nurse tells me she never called the doctor, and my mother is NOW refusing to even go to the hospital (my mom was claiming she's not sick and as per usual fighting her care). So, I tell her to call the doctor and I am heading over there. Evil nurse supposedly calls the doctor (I doubt this now, but at the time I believed her!!!). I also inform evil nurse that I am in active labor, and want to be 100% sure before going in - and exposing myself to pneumonia/bronchitis - that it is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED! (They will NOT induce at this hospital while sick with pneumonia)

She also calls my sister. While she is informing my sister that my mother is dying, she throws in a side comment of: "Well, I didn't even want to call AlysrianXian, because last time I spoke with her...she screamed at me and didn't want to take responsibility for your mother at all!" I don't find out about this until later, and my sister was near hysterical already...so this comment did NOT help at all. (Sister later tells me that she found it funny that evil nurse was trying to "rat" me out) Totally inappropriate. This is how I found out she was evil nurse, and had been rehired.

I show up to nursing home, mom changes her mind and wants to go in (not that it mattered at that point, as we are told that the doctor said she needed to go in - I doubt he was called tho). So, we are told to wait for the transport. We wait from 8:45am til 9:45am for a transport. Yes, it took a full HOUR even with calling ahead, and in a town like this...you could drive around town 10 times in that amount of time. So, if my mom was REALLY dying - she'd have been dead already. I'm also losing my patience at this point, so much so that my husband has to take me out of the nursing home to calm me down.

Side note: my mother's newest roommate broke her hip, is 100% mentally competent...and decides to take this time to corner both of us in the hallway and scream at us about how MEAN my mother is. I am not kidding, we are worrying she is dying...and this woman corners us to yell about how mean my mom is. Wow.

Transport arrives, and we follow it to the ER. Get there, and get inside AFTER my mom is wheeled in. My husband suddenly freaks out and goes: "Woah, you're dragging her foot under the wheelchair". So they fix my mom's paralyzed foot that was being dragged, and the transport basically ditches us almost immediately afterwards.

While I am signing her in, I glance down at the floor (I was having a contraction, so was trying to focus on the floor tile). There is a TRAIL of blood on the floor, coming from my mom's foot. WTF! A nurse is called immediately, and she lifts my mom's leg to carry while my husband wheels my mom into the ER room. Blood is everywhere, they throw out her sock as it's soaked through and then they try to wrap it to stop the bleeding. (I'm horrible with blood...)

Okay, so they do the blood drawing, tell me she needs xrays of her foot AND her chest (checking for pneumonia), and everything else under the sun. Basically, at this point I am just trying to keep my mom calm and talking to her about the most random BS you can come up (all the while, my contractions are at 3 minutes apart and mucus plug is being released everytime I stand up - yay).

I step outside to make a phone call to the siblings to update them, and come back to nurse (he was fantastic). He tells me he called the nursing home for more information about what was going on, and was told THE SAME THINGS my sister and I were told earlier. Thus, they are investigating what's wrong with her hardcore. Then he tells me that my mom freaked out on the pregnant xray technician (she called her a bitch, and tried to hit the tech /sigh)...and it's a good thing I am there because otherwise they couldn't even treat her, etc.

Sigh. Turns out that my mother has bronchitis, the beginnings of a UTI, and her foot was so badly mangled that there was no skin left on her toes. There was gravel stuck in her foot, and they couldn't suture it because there was nothing really to suture. She also gets a tetanus shot. We are then discharged at 2pm, with a heavy dose of antibiotics that covers all three problems.

The doctor's final parting words? "This didn't require an ER visit".

I am going to take this time now to rest some more, and since the nursing home won't be open until Monday... (my inducement date) I have told my sister to call and ream them a new one. I have told the siblings that I am out of commission for two weeks, at least. I have also told them that I am fed up, and for them to deal with it - as this entire debacle was caused by the same woman exaggerating AGAIN.

My sister was hysterical, I was in pain, and my brother was at work sobbing at his desk...all because of evil nurse again.

PS. My phone is turned off for the next two weeks, and my husband has hidden it. My MIL had to be physically barred from leaving the house, as she is FURIOUS over what happened.
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Darling, if you can't delegate when you're actually in labour, when can you? SOMEBODY else has got to deal with your mother until you're safely delivered. Please. I beg you. x
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Sorry, it's been a very long time. I have just received yet another phone call (at 7am) from the nursing home in which my mother has lost 15 lbs in two weeks, and do I want a feeding tube (again)? My answer was yes. They also informed me that she might of developed pneumonia, and do we send her to the hospital? Once again, my answer is yes. The other side comments were that it looks like my mother is pretty much preparing to die (I am not surprised, as she has been pretty much catatonic for the last three weeks...and no, we have NO IDEA why. Not even her doctor knows, so I will be going to the ER with her to make sure they figure our WHAT is going on. Hopefully, I won't get bronchitis/pneumonia myself...as they refuse at this hospital to induce when that sick!).

Also, somehow, they got my mother to sign a DNR within the last two weeks. Without my consent, or anyone else's consent. So they also called me to see if I was going to override the DNR (POA and all...). As of right now, I have told them to treat her and try to make her better...when the DNR is needed or needs to be decided on - then I will decide (with the sibblings).

So, she is being sent to the ER due to her weight loss AND pneumonia. I'm going to head down the ER in a little bit, hopefully I won't get bronchitis myself (again).

All this, and I'm in active labor...being induced on Monday. (I got screwed by the 39 week rule, and then some red tape...so I was sent home and told to "wait it out" until my inducement or until I am more then 4cm dilated. GR!) This is all VERY bad timing.
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I'm so glad to hear better news; and hope you have a good recovery post partum. Not long now, hang in there! xxx
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Well done. Wait till you know how your hips are before making decisions for hip replacement at such a young age. It may mean a lot of intensive PT to strengthen muscles and ligaments or perhaps the orthopod can shorten some of the stretched ligaments and keep the joints in place. Replacement joints rely on the same mechanism to keep the joints in place so don't do it if there are other alternatives. Keep caring for that baby, let MIL keep you in line.
As far as moving Mom, it does not sound as though she will be moving if she has become as drowsy as you describe. With the previous feeding issues and now the drowsiness it sounds as though she is declining. Ask her Dr to tell you what her condition is. I don't mean to add other worries for you but also don't want you to get a sad surprise at a critical moment.
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Just wanted to update you all on what was going on with the evil nurse. My MIL DID bring in the picture and user's manual for the wheelchair, with specific instructions that we needed the original back in our hands (aka they make a copy of it, and find the wheelchair!). They have the copies now, and are currently "looking" for it. No idea how long that will take.

I also made a phone call to the billing specialist there, and checked to make sure that they were taking over financially. They are, and have officially been paid their very first check out of a brand new REAL bank account. (It took me 3 months to originally get a bank account and set up direct deposit for her. For some reason in this state, over 6 different banks required THREE forms of ID and even with a POA they wanted my mother to physically come into the bank...which obviously wasn't going to happen.) So hardest part: done.

Evil nurse has since been fired. I'm not sure the exact details, but apparently, she was rubbing a LOT of people the wrong way besides just me. I do know that two of the social workers there said that she had been attempting to "guilt" other family members, and there were other complaints against her from them too. She had only been working there about 3 weeks before being terminated.

So, YAY!!!!!! Go nursing home!

I also found out that my hips are officially "dislocated" by 3-4 inches. Ouchies. I am currently working with a "feminine physical therapist" to help realign them with "gentle manipulation" (the irony is that it's not gentle at all). So far we can keep my hips aligned for an hour per day, before they pop back out of place again - and after only ONE appointment!!!! :):):):) I was told if it had gone 2 more inches that I'd need surgery for a hip replacement or plates in the future. I was also told that I WILL have this issue AFTER giving birth, but not nearly as extreme (no baby pushing down etc etc).

So, I'm doing better AND I walked around the house today for 10 minutes without any help! Score! I even managed to visit my mom - quickly - the other day (she's really out of it, sleeping all the time for some reason...but she's not on narcotics so I don't know what's up with that). She said she loved me, and that was pretty much it before she fell asleep again.
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Good for MIL. I hope she brings a heavy stethoscope and hits a few people round the ears with it.
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Tongue in cheek: I hope your mil won't take any garbage from you either! NOW will you get some rest???!!!

Full marks to your husband, and hope the pregnancy gets easier from here. xxx
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LOL! I did consider some of my hospital stays a relief. I've been hospitalized upwards of 8 times this pregnancy so far (massive dehydration, inability to walk, etc). No, not twins. First boy though, and he is creating WAY too much testosterone. I did hear rumors that this could get worse each week it goes on. I would say that is true, for now. Since Halloween, it's gotten progressively worse each week and I'm hoping there is a "cap" to how bad it gets.

My husband came up with a fantastic idea this afternoon. He called his mother and she is flying out tonight to come and help until the baby is born. This includes dealing with the nursing home. She pretty much dropped everything and was astonished that no one else (his sister live less then 2 blocks away, and many uncles/cousins/etc live less then an hour away) has even attempted to try to help. Pretty much they all just ignore the kids and I...when she found out that not even his sister was helping, she flipped and booked a plane immediately (sister in law can go to Idaho to visit friends, but can't drop by the house once in a while to help me??). She should be here by tomorrow night. She's going to stay here until/after the baby is born (which could be upwards of a month?). She's even doing a 7 hr layover between flights. (She's a doctor, and knows how serious this can be) Phew, kids are covered at the very least.

She even offered to take the user's manual for the wheelchair down to the nursing home for me! O.O! Wow. I'm baffled. I didn't want to beg her for help, since his father died last year and she's been in a rough spot...but, she's REALLY nice. So, any help...is help at the moment.

I did some looking into the evil nurse too. She just started working there a few weeks ago. I know they change staff constantly, but damn... Brand new. Crazy. I bet they won't act like this to my mother-in-law, she doesn't take garbage from anyone.
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I know in the later stages of a pregnancy when your hormones are all haywire the last thing you desire is a hospital bed. But have you considered it might actually be a relief. You would not have to struggle to do anything for yourself. No meals to cook, no laundry, no childcare, no driving, no shopping. JUST YOU. There are probably ,some simple exercises you can do in the bed. Then it's eat, sleep, read, or use your computer. Most hospitals have free Wi-Fi these days if you have or can borrow a laptop hint early Christmas present!!!!! Think about it. This new life you are nurturing comes first, give him/her the best chance by keeping him/her for the longest time in that cozy warm womb of yours where he/she has nothing to do but relax and grow.
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My guess would be that "evil" nurse = "nurse who's got hold of the wrong end of the stick and won't give it up for any money." She thinks she's helping your mother. She's an idiot, and completely out of her tree; but if you want to know why - that's probably why, by the sound of it.

You're not having twins, are you? Just wondering.

I'm sure your Obs people know what they're doing, too. [Yes, I'm sorry I only remembered after my post that you have two older children; but this still makes sense. I don't want to depress you (!) but the post-partum/lactation contractions get quite a lot worse, too] Are they aware of all this family aggravation you're trying to deal with? - because I'll bet they're urging you to leave it alone.

We worry. Do please find a way to relax, anything that works for you. Take care x
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In regards to SPD, this is the very first time I've EVER had it or any hint of it (this is pregnancy #3). Due to the severity of it - my doctor has strictly stated full on bedrest. My hips are so far separated that my doctor is concerned my immobility might be permanent now (good chance of surgery for repair after labor). We are taking extreme measures to ensure that I can walk after labor. I am to use a wheelchair when I am out and about town (which I try to avoid going into public, as I receive numerous comments from strangers about "handicapped" people having children...or the stares...). The immobility is the only thing keeping my sanity through the pain, at the moment. I feel the pain even laying down in bed, while on medication, but it is nowhere near actually trying to move. I am currently taking tylenol 3 AND hydrocodone/loretab for the pain. I do feel the braxton hicks as real labor now, but that is NOTHING compared to the excruciating pain when I have to move my hips/legs even an inch. The PT is strictly for a referral to get induced before 39 weeks, not for actual PT (as all doctors involved agree any additional movement do not help my case). This referral is required for anyone in the general area requesting an earlier induction.

This is yet another attempt to make sure I can walk after labor. We are aiming for being pregnant as long as possible, but if my hips separate more or the pain continues to get exponentially worse - we want a back up referral just in case. My doctor is at the point of MAKING me stay in the hospital and basically chaining me to the bed, to ensure I do NOT move. I've been able to deter her from this so far.

I will see if I can contact an ombudsman after I give birth. I have contacted the APS. They were not happy with some of things I told them about this nursing home. I did find the user's manual for the wheelchair, and will mail them a copy of the picture (less work), when I get around to it.

I am happy to know that this IS a violation of the patient's privacy. I was unsure at first, when I found out, and that is why I spoke to the social worker first. Good thing to know that I had a point when I complained. I'm still trying to figure out why this "evil nurse" is willingly acting like this and purposefully breaking the law.
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Put your complaint in writing and send it to the nursing home's manager, copied to your mother's social worker and, as Jeanne suggests, the ombudsman.

In second and subsequent pregnancies, the ligaments in your pelvis relax more than they do in the first pregnancy. The pain is real, has a clear cause, and will not be permanent. Improving your muscle tone will help, listen to your PT's advice. Immobility before labour will mean a much rougher labour, and is not good for your health or your baby's health. You'll also probably be more aware of Braxton Hicks contractions, to the extent that it really does feel a lot like labour (only not quite), especially on exertion. If you really can't bear standing or walking, find some other way to get your limbs moving - do tai chi lying down on the bed, dancercise in a chair, something. Read a funny book or watch a movie that makes you laugh, seriously you'll feel better for it. But listen to your PT, she knows what she's talking about.

You are heavily pregnant. Ignore the situation with your mother and concentrate on yourself, your child, your husband, your poor little dog (hope she's doing well), and, above all, your baby. I mean it. Your mother will be fine without your intervention. Leave her to the entire network of people who seem quite happy to meddle.
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Have you called the state's ombudsman? I would definitely report the unprofessional violation of patient privacy by the evil nurse. But that can wait, perhaps, until Mom is relocated and your health is not so much at risk. But she should NOT be allowed to get away with that behavior!
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I should also add that because of all the stress, etc, involved in this and just generally being pregnant...that I have started having stress attacks and yes, am in a wheelchair. I was hospitalized this past Monday for two days due to the pain of walking (this was immediately after visiting the nursing home). I am currently on a script for loretab (I'm actually allergic to this, but it beats taking 2-3 Tylenol 3s just to get my kids to school).

I am essentially sleeping all day after taking my medication and my doctor signed me up for physical therapy. I am unhappy with the physical therapy, as any idiot can see that ANY additional movement will only cause PERMANENT damage.

However, the physical therapy is required if I am to be induced before 39 weeks. There is a new hospital policy (as of last month, yay for my luck) that requires the physical therapy first THEN a referral to a doctor over 2 hours away....then I need to be approved.

So pretty much, I HAVE to last until 39 weeks or deal with additional pain and added expense. I don't know if I can even make the drive, I lasted about 15min before my husband had to turn around. (My puppy recently broke her femur and had to be drive to the same town for surgery, luckily my husband was here for that - as I couldn't make the drive at all)

I am essentially attempting to handle my health, but without any physical help - it's pretty much impossible. Dealing with this nursing home isn't helping me any, and even my sister is freaking out about all of this now.
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After I posted this, I felt like everything was handled with the "evil nurse". However, she struck again. My sister has been helping to raise funds to get my mother relocated (my brother and her have finally stepped up in this aspect). In doing so, they contacted one of my mother's 8 siblings (yes 8), and informed my aunt that she needs to be relocated.

My aunt has been spouting constant promises to help relocate my mother. We were calling her on her promises. Either she'd help or she was bluffing and feigning wanting to help.

The aunt then called the nursing home, and "evil nurse" had a gossip fest with this aunt. The "evil nurse" informed this aunt of everything including financial details, and how often I visit (etc).

While aunt was ready to help relocate my mother before, she is completely unwilling to now. Aunt is also under the impression NOW that SHE has a say in my mother's care, which she does not. This irks my brother and sister, as this aunt has NO SAY over the children. (She's not even paying for anything, and even if she was - still has no say in my mother's care etc) "Evil nurse" decided to inform aunt that my mother absolutely should not be relocated any other way then via a car ride (3-5 day trip) by ME. Yes, you heard that correctly. Evil nurse told my aunt that *I* should relocate my mother, and that no other family members should even need to be involved in this. Evil nurse told aunt that my mother couldn't get on a plane (which my mother can, and while the nursing home may not agree...it's possible and a LOT better for my mother then sitting up in a car for DAYS). This is also NOT up to the evil nurse, and between the doctor, siblings and I.

Evil nurse even said that it seems like I have a lot of money floating around (since when?). She told my aunt a lot of specifics about my mother's care, money, and myself. Now aunt is of the opinion that I am just being lazy, not putting my mother's care first, etc etc. She been tainted by the evil nurse now.

Mind you, this is no better then a stranger calling up and asking details about my mother. There has been multiple times I have warned the nursing home, and made sure there are notes in my mother's file, to NEVER discuss my mother's care/finances/etc with anyone but my brother, sister and I. (This is due to the fact that another aunt - not the same one - accused me of stealing my mother's money, and it was too much drama) This aunt has NOT been involved and only calls my mother MAYBE once a year (and that is after my sister tells her it's been a while and to call). She has no idea about my mother's condition, and from what was relayed - the evil nurse has no damn clue either.

So, I showed up to the nursing home (in my own little rental wheelchair) and had it out with the social worker. I was very polite, and I didn't lose my cool. The social worker claims she will speak with the nurse. I doubt anything will be done.

I also went to take measurements of my mother's wheelchair and to take a picture of it. The goal was to make sure it could either fit in my sister's home, and/or on an airplane (for her relocation). After over an hour and a half, they still could NOT find it. I was informed that while she was signed in with a wheelchair, and she obviously has one...that I need to bring the original purchase receipt for the wheelchair down to the nursing home...so that they can FIND it. Are you kidding me? Yes, another job for me to do due to their lack of professionalism. I wouldn't be surprised if another patient was actually using the wheelchair since my mother does not. Once I produce the receipt, which I shouldn't have to do, I am taking the wheelchair home with me until further notice.

I also asked the nurses station if her medication had been changed in the last month. Without even looking at the chart, evil nurse said no. Then she lectured me on how my mother was eating only 10% of what she had before, hence still needing a feeding tube (this is against what the doctor and social worker have said). (My mother is extremely overweight, and has been sleeping almost all the time for about a month. No, it's not depression - she REALLY wants to leave) I MADE that woman check her chart for any changes, which apparently there are none?, and informed her that it was hard to eat when you sleep ALL day. (It was so bad my mom couldn't even wake up to sign her name on a piece of paper. Even with the little nurses helping, it came out looking like scribble and she fell asleep again immediately)

At this point, I will find the receipt and continue to distance myself. So far the nursing home has done nothing concrete in regards to taking over the power of my mother's care/finances. They have made some steps, but nothing major.

I'm just fed up.
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