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A NURSES AIDE REPORTED THAT I WAS YELLING AT HER FOR HURTING MY MOTHER WHEN TRANSFERRING HER BACK TO BED , WHEN I ONLY IN A CALMED VOICE EXPLAINED TO HER WHY IT'S SO PAINFUL TO GRAB HER BY HER ANKLES . I EVEN LIKED THE NURSE, BUT THE MEDICATION NURSE RN CAME IN YELLING AT ME THAT I MADE HER CRY WHEN I TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT I DIDN'T YELL ONLY EXPLAINED ,SHE WOULDN'T CALM DOWN SO I ASKED THAT SHE STOP BEING SO HOSTILE TOWARDS ME AND IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER AND REQUESTED A SOCIAL SERVICE OR ADMINISTRATOR BE CALLED , BUT SHE CONTINUED TO YELL AND ON THE FIFTH TIME I STATED I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO CALL THE ADMINISTRATOR MY SELF AND HER RESPONSE WAS "I DON'T CARE " AND WALKED OUT . WITHIN 4 MINS THE ADMINISTRATOR CHARGED IN AND WITHOUT INTRODUCING HIMSELF, BEING THE 1ST TIME MEETING HIM, I WAS DEMANDED TO EXIT MY MOMS ROOM AND THE BUILDING THAT THE POLICE WAS CALLED AND THAT I WASN'T ALLOWED TO RETURN . THEN MY MOTHER CALLED TO INFORM ME THAT HE HAD HIS NERVE TO GO BACK INTO MY MOMS ROOM AND FLAT OUT TELL HER " YOUR SON ISN'T ALLOWED ANY FURTHER VISITATIONS AND IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY DECISION THEN YOU CAN GO ELSE WHERE AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO ASSIST WITH THE TRANSFER PAPERWORK" HE HAD THE BALLS TO THREATEN MY MOTHER! I CALLED THE CITY OMBUDSMEN AND HAVE TO WAIT UP TO 10 BUSINESS DAYS TO HER SOMETHING WHAT CAN I DO IN THE MEAN TIME PLEASE HELP ME.

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this situation does happen to read about such cases do a search for "can nursing home ban family members"

if you are in california you might want to call this organization for advice

California Advocates for Nursing Home Reform
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Goozie, As someone who had a family member in a nursing home where the quality of care was not good and where I received similar threats when attempting to bring lack of care issues up, I understand your distress. And I believe the administration should have made more of an attempt to talk to you and mediate the situation. You did not say whether the police were actually called and a "no tresspass" order was issue by them. What can you do now? Do you have anyone else that can go to the facility to check on your mother? Can you tell the ombudsman that this is an emergency situation. Banning a family member from seeing their relative to me is a very extreme decision and need to be justified. I was not there so I can't judge. But you would not be the first relative of a nursing home resident threatened in this way. You can also look up the company that is either managing or owns the nursing home and contact them to discuss the matter. You could consult an attorney. Try to calm down before you speak to anyone and perhaps you could put your concerns and your description of what occurred in writing. People who have never had a family member in a nursing home where care issues come up will never understand. Having to deal with these situations under the duress of caregiving can make one less than diplomatic. and some of the nursing home staff know very well how to play "defense".. That's why you should never argue with them. Document everything and bring your issues up to a higher level at the nursing home or corporate level and then if no results, to the govt agency overseeing. If all nursing homes were paradise, there would be no nursing home malpractice lawyers.
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I read your post. I can add that when my father was in a nh, my mother was very difficult with them. They never reacted as you have said this nh reacted. Sometimes when I get excited about something, I talk loud. My daughter has told me to calm down even though I did not realize I was loud and that others might think I was angry. When we feel passionate about a situation, we can raise our voices and others can perceive that as yelling. I would think about how you communicate and if you tend to raise your voice in certain situations, you might explain that to them. If the relationship is not repairable, then move her to another nursing facility.
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I would agree with Jessie. My sister was called in the office because she sent all her emails to other offices and employees in caps and many felt they were being yelled at so she had to revert to traditional structure. Recently she was put in another position and I get an email from her in all caps and I do feel that the message she sent me is very stern or harsh.
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I would agree with Jessie. My sister was called in the office because she sent all her emails to other offices and employees in caps and many felt they were being yelled at so she had to revert to traditional structure. Recently she was put in another position and I get an email from her in all caps and I do feel that the message she sent me is very stern or harsh.
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Goozie, maybe they thought you were yelling and you just didn't realize. For example, you typed your message here in upper case letters, which is considered yelling. The NH admin does have the right to ban you from the property if it is thought you were creating a disturbance. I hope that they will review the case and find in your favor. If not, you can move your mother to another NH -- a hassle, I know. Let us know what happens.
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Talk to your mother on the phone frequently while you await the Ombudsman's return call. Depending on current workload it might be sooner than 10 days.

I'm sure that your mother appreciates the additional care your visits provide, but if she really "needs" your care, then the nursing home is not doing its job. Mom will get by for a few days while this is getting straightened out.
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