Why does the nursing facility still go to my mom when I told them to direct everything to me? - AgingCare.com

Why does the nursing facility still go to my mom when I told them to direct everything to me?


I have POA medical and finance of my mom who is in long term care; she has repeatedly told them to direct everything to me, but they keep going to her; she has progressive dementia among many other health issues. what can i do?

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Is your POA Durable? I think I might consult with an attorney. I'd ask if he could send them an official letter providing them NOTICE of who is making the decisions and that their questions, comments, etc. should be directed to you and/or the lawyer. It might be worth the investment.
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I know the doctors have admitted her dementia has increased and is progressing. I have to go to court and become her guardian and then I have to constantly report things, which is a major pain. I mean I do that for the county for her to have MA, but IDK. Mainly it is Chris Neely the social services director that is not listening to my mom. My mom has told this woman most times when she goes to my mom to come to me and she doesn't. I have talked to Tom Polock (I think that is last name) and he and I will be having a meeting. I can write up something so she can keep that on the wall. Since she keeps forgetting, she doesn't always remember I think to tell them to talk to me, most of the time she does because she doesn't remember things. I know the Val the nursing director has it documented that nurses are to contact me. The doctor and NPs generally contact me. Chris though seems to have something against me or IDK and goes to my mom rather than talk to me. I had a very brief call with Tom, and I did tell him that my mom has told Chris to come to me. Chris does not listen at all. They know my mom has dementia and cannot answer things and my mom is really good at covering her memory stuff. If you don't know her well you may think she is just fine, but if you listen closely, you can see she doesn't remember and will slip. I do plan to continue talking to the director on this, but I think writing something up and posting in her room may help
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When your mother tells them to approach you and not her, do they then do that? As long as they do, they are (arguably, correctly) respecting her autonomy and giving her first refusal on decisions. You need to find out how you go about having her declared incompetent/incapacitated if her dementia has reached that stage - her doctor should be able to advise you, or possibly - ironically enough - the facility will know the process in your area.

If she's not ready for that, then perhaps she could put her instruction in writing (with your help) that she wishes all decisions to be referred to you, and you could present that with a copy of your POA documents to the facility director.

Is this everybody at the ltc facility doing it, btw, or just a persistent few? If it's the few, ask the director to give better, clearer instructions to the staff.
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