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My father is in memory care currently since it was the only place available to meet his nursing needs after a stroke left him partially paralyzed and wheelchair bound. His money is running out and I'm looking for a place that accepts Medicaid to take him in.



The trouble is that his current caregivers have documented his frequent angry and "violent" outbursts. I have not witnessed this but was told today that a nursing home I applied to would not take him because of these reports. What can I do? He can't stay where he is if he can't pay.



It isn't an option for him to live with me. I wish I didn't have this responsibility.

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You are absolutely not responsible for paying for his care. I don't know why you would think you would be. Once his money runs out he goes on Medicaid, unless you want to private pay to have him in a nicer facility. If you can afford that, it is your choice, but you absolutely do not have to.
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Can the doctor at MC work on a small amount of a med that will control his violent outbursts? This might be the only way for it work. MC might be motivated to help you solve this problem as I'm sure they know he is running out of money. And YOU are not responsible for paying his way so they'll be out of luck if their reports are keeping other facilities from taking him.

I would try to get a full report of what these events entail. What happened before? Is is always the same caregiver, etc.?

I agree that is it not an option for him to live with you. He needs a lot of care.

It's a lot of responsibility and hassle to deal with these issues. I'm sure you'll get it figured out soon enough.
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BadNewsBearer Nov 2022
I'm not so sure I won't be responsible for paying down the line. I am his legal guardian and I put him in that place to begin with. Only because nowhere else could meet his needs.

I'm just at my wit's end but I plan to get to the bottom of this.
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Angry is one thing, violent can be something else. You haven’t witnessed it, and it might help if you got more information about what ‘violent’ has entailed. If you have to settle for care that is not what you would prefer, it might help to know why it’s necessary.
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BadNewsBearer Nov 2022
I'm meeting with the administrators of the MC next week. He can be hard to deal with sometimes but I suspect his outbursts may be due in part to lack of adequate care and pain management.
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Call the ombudsman and APS. A state social worker will find a place for him. Another option would be to get him into the hospital, perhaps a physician there can try medication to help with the outbursts. The hospital can find a NH bed for him.
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BadNewsBearer Nov 2022
The ombudsman here is very helpful and is trying to find him a place. He is already heavily medicated and doesn't really have a reason to be in the hospital.
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